Magic was so fun. It's been two weeks since Stolas left, which means it's been two weeks of nonstop magic practice. I had a much better understanding of my own magic and how to use it. I learned that it has to do with both sound and emotions. Finally, it was something I could get a firm handle on. Not only that, but seeing the constant progress made my heart leap with joy and relief.

I hadn't quite learned how to use my magic in combat. But I was damn good at using magic with music. Flops got nightmares at night. It was trauma from the Atrophy as well as losing her leg. So I used my music to soothe her. It was a soft tingling sensation instead of a buzz. I would hum a soft lullaby, and slowly, she would melt into a peaceful sleep. When I told Alder this, he had the bright idea of helping me calm any animal that he was trying to heal.

I found out that my magic could help Alder’s plants as well. It obviously wasn’t as good as his magic, but I could make wilted plants perky again. He would have me scour through his large conservatory looking for any plant that needed touching up. And then, I would fix it with a light tune from my flute. All by myself. I was proud of how useful I was becoming. 

I hummed softly to myself as I made talismen to increase the protected barrier of the forest. I found that infusing the talisman with the magic Alder had taught me as well as my own magic made it stronger. I was happy to be able to help to this extent. Flops sat next to me, her cute little rabbit nose pushing the pile of talisman into a neater stack.

"I think we make a good team, Flops." I said, setting down the paintbrush in my hand. "We can conquer the world, you know?"

She hopped up in excitement. I smiled softly. She had gotten used to using her wooden leg. I made the suggestion of adding hinges to make it more flexible. And it worked perfectly. While it wasn't as good as her normal leg, this one worked as a damn good replacement. I patted her head before standing up and stretching. It was late and I was ready to laze in bed before sleeping.

When I turned around, Alder held up a guitar. I raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t know you had a guitar.”

“It is Stolas’s. I thought we could go somewhere.”

“Where?”

“It’s a secret.” He smiled. 

“Okay. I finished all the talismen anyway. Is Flops coming as well?”

“Of course she can!”

I grabbed the stack of talisman and clicked my tongue, wanting Flops to follow me. "Adventure time!"

Alder did not like it when I went out at night. Even if he was with me, he preferred I stayed indoors. The Atrophy was starting to grow stronger. The talismen were protecting this part of the forest, but he didn't want me wandering off in case I would run into it again. I guess today was a different matter. I held the pile of papers tightly in one hand as he led me away from the tree and towards the south.

We walked for around ten minutes. The sun had long since nestled beneath the horizon for nighttime. Alder had me hold his arm to keep me steady and from tripping on rocks and branches. After a while, we came across a clearing. Grass and roots gradually faded into soft, plush looking moss. Little flowers dotted up between the patches of moss. Flops happily hopped over to the field and began munching on some of the flowers. As she did, yellow lights began to sparkle in the dark night. Fireflies.

"This place is beautiful." I murmured, looking around. 

"It is, isn't it? I come here when I need to clear my mind."

I immediately wanted to preserve this place. I wanted it to remain untouched by the Atrophy. So I began to place talismen all along the perimeter. Each one glowed a yellowish green as I attached them to tree trunks and branches. After I was done, I finally sat down across from Alder. He handed me the guitar. He didn't even need to say anything to me. It felt natural in my hands as I began to pluck at the strings.

"Magic is attuned to our very souls. And sometimes, our souls get clogged with negative emotions." He said, suddenly going into a lecture. "If we let it build up, it will stunt our magic. Eventually, it can dampen it altogether."

I looked up at him in confusion as I played. "Is this a magic lesson?"

"More of a… cleansing." He cleared his throat and faced me. "What weighs on you the most?"

"What weighs on me…" My fingers paused. 

Alder shook his head. "Do not think, little blossom. Play and speak. Not from your heart, but from your soul."

I nodded and began to play, slowly this time. I knew what bothered me. But I had never said it out loud. There was something terrifying about admitting your true problems. As if they weren't good, or as if I was overreacting. And yet, something tugged at me. And soon, the words began to fall from my lips before I could even stop them.

"I am a mistake." I murmured. I stared up into the sky, the stars. I didn't look at Alder. "I thought I had always been okay with who I am. So what if I can't fight? Just because I'm a Northern War Elf doesn't automatically make me a warrior. I don't want to be a warrior."

There was a pause as I sighed, trying not to get too angry. And then I continued, my fingers still moving.

"I may not want to be a warrior, but I need to be. I am a burden. I know I am. I've done nothing but make my family's lives worse. I cut off the tip of my brother's ear. I did the same to myself not even a month later. I've heard the whispers of the village, talking about what a disappointment I am. How good it is that my siblings show talent. If I was an only child, we'd be doomed.

I see how my parents look at me. They say they support me being a bard, but I know what they truly feel. Disappointment. When I tried fighting, I could only see their gazes. I would be transported back into a time where I would get scolded for not trying hard enough. Trying hard is what made me feel like a failure. A mistake. And I am so happy I left so I wouldn't have to deal with it. But it still follows me, wherever I go. I'm scared that one day… it'll consume me."

The music from the guitar slowly faded until I stopped playing. The fireflies had all gone dark. Flops sat at my feet, tears in her eyes as she gazed up at me. And that's when I realized that I wasn't crying for once. I let out a bitter chuckle and patted her head. A shaky sigh left me as I finally got everything out. I closed my eyes before looking back at Alder.

"How was that?" I asked.

"You tell me. How does your soul feel?"

A soul wasn't something I focused on until he taught me how. I swallowed thickly and relaxed my shoulders. I focused on my heartbeat. And then I went deeper. There was a small, warm bulb within me. When Alder first taught me how to do this, it was cold and almost all black. But now, it felt much lighter. It burned a lavender purple. Weak, yet getting stronger. A small smile lifted the corners of my lips.

"It feels better."

"Good." He motioned towards the guitar again. "Can you sing for me, little blossom?"

"There was a song I sang to Stolas while he led me here." I shifted on the blanket, grateful for the distraction after my venting. "It's about a bard who dedicates their life to spreading stories, even if it kills them."

Alder chuckled and shook his head. "I don't want something someone else wrote. What about you?"

"Me?"

"Yes, you."

"I… I suppose I can play one of my melodies…"

Alder sat back, staring at me intently. I never got nervous when singing. Singing my own songs… that was different. Especially in front of Alder. But I wouldn't let that stop me. I had the perfect song for this moment. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. My fingers plucked the strings of my guitar lightly. I began to sing.

The song was a story of someone who longed to love and to be loved. I wrote it one day while daydreaming what it would be like to fall in love. It was something I had only read about in books. Something I always wanted to experience. I could feel my heart lifting as the melody flowed through my fingers like water. My eyes opened to see the fireflies flashing in time with the music.

I could feel the magic flowing through me. A soft, sparkling purple light flowed from my moving fingers and into the air. The light shifted into a music staff. The notes appeared on the staff. They were shaky yet sparkling. I looked over at Alder. I couldn't even describe the way he was looking at me. His eyes seemed to glow with an emotion I've never seen before. My voice seemed to echo into the woods as the song came to an end.

"That was…" Alder breathed out, still staring at me. "Perfect."

My face flushed. "Why, thank you. Though now that I have a visual component, it needs to be perfected as well."

"Everything you do is perfect."

"Hey…" I looked over at him before looking away. "Stop looking at me like that. You're making me embarrassed. I'm not perfect."

"Yes, you are. Even if you don't believe so." He chuckled and reached out, tugging on one of my braids slightly. "And you have made me enamored. I want to live the rest of my life hearing your music every day."

"Alder, now you're just being too much." I set down the guitar and tried to bat his hand away. I could feel myself growing more and more shy by the second.

"Promise you'll never stop playing music for me?"

"I don't know…" I hummed, giving him a playful smirk.

He tugged my braid again. "Little blossom…"

"Okay, fine, fine!" I giggled and grabbed his hand. "Since you're my current biggest fan, I'll never stop playing for you."

"Good."