Crashing and screaming woke me up from my nap. My back aches and makes a noise as I get up. I think I got up too fast as I can't quite see right. Everything is moving, shaking. I wince as I am hit by the popcorn from the ceiling. Everything is covered in dust. I can’t see clearly without my glasses, so I reach for them. A sudden lurch causes me to break them. Ugh, what is that shaking? I managed to pick up my glasses to inspect them. Only an arm is missing. Still usable, just crooked. Why is everything shaking? And who is Screaming?

My brain is finally starting to process my thoughts when my mother comes bursting into my room. I thought I had locked the door. How did she get in? She quickly drags me out without saying a word. I was going to protest, but there is dust in my lungs. I am coughing as we make our way to the stairs. We opened the doors to go down the stairs. I’m almost tripping at the quick pace she sets. I think I finally understand what is happening. The building is collapsing. Fire.

The stairs are full of people. Crowded. Your arms will hit someone else. It's not a matter of when. It's a matter of how much. Despite how much I hate it, I start to push. Go forward. Get down. Our apartment building was old. Grandfathered construction that would collapse in an instant under real stress. Wooden buildings don’t do well in a fire. We had to get out. It was a matter of life and death. If you were in the building when it collapsed. I don't want to think about what would happen.

As we got out I felt a sense of relief. I didn’t die. We didn’t die. I look back at the building. I darkly wonder if everyone will make it out. I see someone at the end of the stairway. Old ms Robbin. She always looked after me whenever my mom couldn't. My mother ran to help our elderly neighbor get out. She was always a good person, a selfless person. So I did not think anything of it. Not until it collapsed. 

Someone grabs my arm. They are saying something. I can't hear them over my racing thoughts. They gesture for me to follow them. Use them as a guide. My shocked mind can only obey. So I walk with them.  They walk me quite a distance. As I am walking I see more collapsed buildings. It must have been a citywide fire. This area was old. This area was poor. Who knows how many people were in those buildings when they? I stop myself. I don’t know what thought I was going to have, only that it was bad. I take the thought and push it to the back of my mind. We eventually made it to a shelter. It has a sign on it. It reads temporary emergency shelter B. The man gestures to me to go inside. They say that they have to go. I know it's selfish but I don't want them to go. I don't have the strength to make them stay. They leave.

I am standing in the shelter when someone comes up to me. It's a little girl. She appears to be barely over 5. But even at that age, she can tell. She can see my grief. In her little girl voice, she says. Mommy tells me that when I'm stressed, I should take a deep breath and let it go super slowly. She always counts me to see how long I do it. Could you count for me? I oblige. She breathes in and lets it out. 1 2 3. Again she says. 1 2 3 4 5. Again 1 2 3 4 5 6. I see a tear welling up in her eye. Mommy’s gone. Gone forever. Not like Jane who moved but gone. She cries. I pick her up to console her with what little strength I still have. I say to myself as much as her. It's going to be ok. We are gonna make it through this little sis. We have to

Someone who works at the shelter comes up to us. She asks for our names and who we want to call. My sister wails Mommy. The person asks for her number. I say that she wouldn't pick up the call. She starts to say how this is all over the news and how she would be sure to pick up before she looks at my face. Understanding floods her face as she asks if anyone else she can call. I mention our aunt and give her the number.

Ring. Ring. Ring. 

Hello, is this Ms Diana Williams?

Yes, I wanted to let you know that your niece and nephew are at Shelter B.

Is that their mother?

She is presumed to be unavailable.

Ok, I will let them know.

It looks like your aunt will be coming to pick you up. So you will be staying in the waiting area until she comes. Does that sound good? I softly say that sounds good. Make sure to tell any of the staff on duty if you or your sister need anything. I walk while holding my sister who is softly crying in my arms. I sit in the waiting area still holding my sister. I softly sing her a lullaby and she slowly falls asleep in my arms. She is still sniffing. Even in her dreams, she weeps.

Our aunt comes to pick us up. It looks like she had to do some paperwork to get us out. She lifts my sister into her van and I sit next to her. The radio is set to the news and I hear about the earthquake. 378 people are still missing at this time. More updates to. Our aunt shuts it off. I put on my seatbelt and sit quietly. Silence ensues on the car ride. I look out the window for lack of anything else to do. As we go there is occasionally a building that has collapsed. Old buildings. Some were even slated for demolition. Hah. Something else beat them to it. I think these somewhat humorous thoughts as we pull up to her condo. It's a new condo. Just finished last year. New standards meant it was safe. It was standing. Not even cracks. Not like our home. Well, it's not our home anymore. It's not there anymore.

As we pull into the parking lot we reach her space. Everyone stays still for a moment like they don't know what to do. Then our aunt goes into action. She gets out of the car and walks down to the back passenger door. She slowly opens the door and picks up my sister being careful not to wake her. She walks to the apartment building and I get out to follow her. As we enter the building I see the elevator is out of order. My aunt must have already known that as she did not even bother to look. Instead, she goes straight to the stairs. As we are going up the stairs I notice how empty they were. There was a distinct lack of people. A distinct lack of dust.

When we reach the room our aunt pulls out a key. She fiddles with the lock until it opens. We enter her condo and I look around. Most of it looks the same but my favorite vase is missing. I don't bother to mention it as it is obvious what happened. She brings my sister to her bed and lays her down. Considering that this place is one bedroom that means she has to sleep with her. Or not sleep at all. Just as the thought of having to fit into the bed as well comes across my mind, she pulls out a bed from the couch. She says that I should sleep. She says that we will figure something out in the morning. Then she turns off the lights.

I don't immediately go to sleep. Now that I am finally able to rest, my mind races. I wonder why my sister was at the shelter. The answer was that she was at daycare in the building next door. Someone must have taken her there. That means the building next door collapsed as well. I wonder why Mom was unable to answer the phone. Then I think Mom is gone. Mom is gone forever. She left us. Then the stray thought that has been at the back of my head for some time finally comes forward. Mom is dead. I don't know how long I cried until I fell asleep.