I laid splayed out on a meadow of yellow daisies, starfish style, trying to contemplate how my life got to this point. I was inching along into week two of avoiding my fiance. Self imposed house arrest might be a little enjoyable actually. I don’t have to dress up all dainty for parties or worry about courtesy (not that I do worry about it much.) Even the gardeners kept their distance seeing I wasn’t in the mood for socializing, so I got to really enjoy my solitude.

Well mostly enjoy. 

“Yo, Aurora! What are you doing out here,” Ozwald shouted from across the garden. He ran over when I didn’t reply and offered a hand to help me stand. I simply groaned and rolled over into the grass. 

He laughed. “Wow, didn’t know you hated me that much,” he said.

“Shut up,” I said. I obviously wanted to be alone, but that’s not something Ozwald could comprehend. As a kid he never had anyone around and if he did, it often ended in an unpleasant experience, which led to his insistence of never being alone now. So I often spoiled him by never pushing him away. 

“What do you want?” I asked, giving in again. 

Oswald plopped himself down next to me. “You’re looking at the boring side of the garden,” he commented. I finally sat up and looked at my surroundings. I hadn’t really given much thought to where I’d be a rock. It overlooked the field of wild cress I had planted when I was young. Me ensuring its use in curing the nation of a plague was a well kept secret in our household. Note even Ozwald knew of it, just me, mother, father, and the royal family. It had been a “miracle” according to them that I planted a field of wild cress. I weaved my fingers into their thin wispy leaves, little curls of life that saved the nation. No wonder Leon thought I wanted to be his queen.

“I like this part of the garden,” I said. It did save lives after all. Much more useful than just pretty flowers.

“You’d look better surrounded by roses,” Oswald said. He leaned towards me and gently touched my hair.

I looked at him dead in the eyes. “Are you trying to say I look ugly right now,” I asked.

He retreated flustered by my bluntness. “No, you always look beautiful,” he said bashfully. 

“But not as beautiful as I would with flowers surrounding me. In other words, my natural beauty isn’t enough for you,” I teased. “And you’re a flirt?” I rolled my eyes and got up.

“Oh, Aurora, why do my charms never work on you?” He said dramatically as he followed me back towards the mansion like a shadow. He used to follow me around a lot when we were younger, now he found more comfort in other ladies skirts. 

“Because I know you,” I told him, I stopped and twirled around to look at him in those cold black eyes. “I know you and I know that if you had actual feelings for someone you’d be scared shitless at the thought of confessing to them.” I smirked and continued walking back. It was hard for me to approve of him breaking girls' hearts left and right. I hoped someday he could have an actual relationship but if he stayed scared of his own feelings it’d never happen. I looked back at him still following me, but his playful grin disappeared. I sighed. “Sorry that was a little harsh. But, you never did tell me why you were looking for me…”

There it was again the ounce of guilt that stopped me from pushing him too far. It was the same guilt I felt when I remembered that his character arc involved him being neglected and abused as a child and I had forgotten. In reality if I hadn’t been so wrapped up in saving myself I might have been able to relieve him of that pain sooner. No, I wasn't a selfless heroine, who cared endlessly about those around her. I saved him out of guilt and pity and self preservation which just made me more guilty. 

“We’ve been worried about you Aurora, you’re a social butterfly locking herself in a cage,” he said. “Do you really dislike the prince that much? Cause I could help with that…” He trailed off letting my imagination fill the blank, but I knew a scandal wouldn’t actually help if Leon truly loved me. 

I wanted to avoid the inevitable for as long as I could. If he honestly confessed to me I’d have to make too many choices. Was it so bad that I just wasn’t ready to make big decisions about my life like marriage? I’m sixteen in this life. I don’t even know what I want to do next week. I haven’t even started thinking about my grand future as a possible queen. That just sounded like a load of responsibility and stress. Not to mention romance, I could hardly imagine what an actual relationship with Leon looked like. What if we didn’t match? We worked as friends but lovers…

“I’ll say it again. I don’t dislike Leon. I’m just not ready…” I said. I cupped my mouth with my hands to create a cone. “I’m not ready!” I shouted across the estate as loud as I could. “I’m not ready for marriage! I’m not ready for romance! I’m not ready for the future! I’m not even ready for tomorrow!” My voice echoed down the path liberating my anxieties. I just wanted to take life slowly for once. I finally didn’t feel like I was rushing towards my end, so taking my time falling in love and figuring out what I wanted to do with my new beginning sounded nice. Maybe it was a luxury, but it was one I’d take full advantage of. 

Oswald chuckled at my immaturity, but I didn’t care. I’d be doing this my way whether Leon liked it or not. I had no reason to compromise in a relationship I might not even want.