And it struck me only then what he was thinking. I felt like grinding my teeth, and for the first time in my life, I felt uncomfortable being shirtless in front of someone.

"Kids do stupid shit. They get hurt. It's no one's fault."

"Sure. I know. I was a kid once too. Except, I don't have any scars."

He was starting to get on my nerves. He was really starting to get on my nerves.

"Well done. Do you want applause?"

"And for what? If anyone deserves applause, it should be my mother and father, for not leaving me unattended with a pan full of boiling oil. But then again, I don't think it makes sense to congratulate someone for such an obvious thing."

I’m going to punch him in the face.

Luckily for him, he decided that was a good time to step back towards the door.

"Make sure you brush your teeth well after your shower."

"Alright. Get out now."

"Give me your pants too. You can't wash them with the others, they'll stink up the whole basket."

"Then I'll put them in a bag. Out." I swung the door open and pushed him out.

I locked it and then stood there on the bathroom mat, taking long breaths.

It was inevitable. As soon as I took off my pants, my eyes fell on the scar on my knee. A dog had bitten me when I was seven, and I'd bet Jeremy would find a way to blame my father for that too.

After the shower, I rushed to my room.

That should have been a place of peace and contemplation, right? And yet there was Jeremy's scrotum face sitting on my bed, with crossed legs and arms.

"Drake. Where did you get the marijuana from?"

"From your mother's ass."

He jumped up. "I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU! If our mother were to find out, she... I don't know what she'd do, but I'm sure she'd freak out. She'd probably send you to rehab or something."

"Rehab?? I smoke a joint every now and then, I'm not shooting heroin into my veins."

"So you don't take any other drugs. Just marijuana?"

I nodded.

"You swear?" He stepped forward. "I'm keeping the fact that you're willingly harming your body a secret. I couldn't sleep at night if I knew you were taking substances that could cost you your life. Be honest, Drake. Do you take any other drugs?"

Not habitually wasn't a good answer, right?

"Relax, Jeremy. I've never taken anything potentially deadly, and I have no intention of doing so."

He didn't relax even a little bit. "Alright. For now, it doesn't matter, but we'll continue this conversation later. Right now, you need to get ready for this afternoon."

I looked down at the towel wrapped around my waist.

"Well, if you leave, I'll get dressed."

"I mean mentally prepare. Since you arrived, Mom's been trying to muster up the courage to spend time with you. This afternoon has to go well. Remember: no vulgarity, no sarcastic remarks, no eye-rolling or annoyed grunts. Try to show interest in what she has to say. If she asks you too many intrusive questions or you can't stand it anymore, just tug my sleeve, and I'll try to save you somehow."

And finally, he headed towards the door.

I locked it once he disappeared into the hallway. I could stay in there all afternoon. What would they do? Break the lock?

I dressed again only to throw myself back onto the bed with my face pressed against the pillow. I was back where I started this morning.

I needed some comfort. I should ask Lucas who his supplier was.

Maybe the Smiths had some liquor hidden somewhere. I wouldn't mind getting drunk until I vomited; it would surely keep me occupied.

But to find alcohol, I'd have to get out of bed and go downstairs. And I had no intention of doing either.

I stayed there, suffocating in the pillow until I got fed up with trying to silence all my thoughts. I grabbed my phone.

Simon had written about hooking up with a guy with a dick as long as his arm.

Wow. How ecstatic I am.

I tried to hint at the adventure with Lucas that morning, but I wasn't really in the mood. As soon as they started asking a thousand questions, I lost interest. I locked the screen again and threw the phone somewhere on the mattress.

"Drake?"

I ignored that voice. Just leave me alone.

"Our mother is waiting downstairs."

Good for her.

Silent seconds passed. Then seconds filled with hesitant knocking. And then the handle being lowered and clashing with the lock.

"Drake!"

"WHAT?!"

It took another silent few seconds before he replied calmly, "Please, open the door."

This guy is bipolar. He went from angry to timid in thirty seconds.

I got up with a sigh that I feared he didn't hear.

I swung the door open. "WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"

God, it made me furious that he had MY face on. It wasn't fair at all. None of this shit was fair.

And it made me angry that he held my face all taut, proper, like a good obedient kid.

"I'm sorry..."

"You were sorry ten minutes ago too."

I prepared to slam the door, but the bastard blocked it.

"OK. Listen. This situation isn't easy for me either. And it's not easy for our mother. PLEASE."

A second please followed the first with a new whimpering tone.

"Drake..." He looked at me with my eyes full of tears.

Oh, for fuck's sake... why couldn't anyone understand that I didn't know how to handle crying people??

I hung next to the door, shifting my weight from one foot to the other as he buried his face in his hands and burst into sobs.

Thankfully, it didn't last long. The sound of creaking shoes ascending the stairs made him jump and hasten to dry his cheeks.

"Guys? Are you ready?" Spaghetti guy leaned over the railing, looked in our direction, and after a moment of contemplation decided to join us entirely.

"What's going on?" He said with his eyes glued to Jeremy, who instantly turned off the taps.

"Nothing." He smiled.

Spaghetti guy didn't smile though. He made that face you make when you bite into a lemon slice.

"Go tidy yourself up."

Jeremy was already dressed to the nines as usual... tidy what up? He must have known what, because he nodded with lowered eyes and headed towards the bathroom.

And there I was alone with Spaghetti guy.

"Uuuh..."

"Today you'll finally visit your city." He gave me a pat on the shoulder, which I judged was how high-class heterosexual men showed affection.

I wasn’t sure. At the moment, he was the only one of that category that I knew.

"Come downstairs, your mother is waiting for you."

And here I was, trapped. I shouldn't have moved a muscle from the bed. I shouldn't have turned the key in the lock. I'm an idiot.

...

Vancouver sucks.

That was the only thing I managed to message to my friends before the judge's titanic fingers pierced my flesh. And from then on, she had held onto me, arm in arm, the whole time.

We got into the car, parked in some corner downtown, and then I only saw crowded streets and shops for two hours. And the judge's face trying in every way to engage me in conversation.

I had nothing to say to her. I nodded. I smiled.

Every now and then I glanced back, silently begging Jeremy to come and save me. But he seemed preoccupied with his own problems, trailing behind with his tail between his legs and muttering verses of fake interest every time Spaghetti guy started explaining something about a square or a church.

That guy was annoying. He was the type of person who clears his throat before saying, "well, actually...".

Annoying.

"The city is much prettier at night. The lights are magnificent." The judge looked at me.

And I nodded and smiled. What else do you want me to do??

It gave me the creeps being so close to her. She had my same eyes. Or maybe I had hers. It wasn't natural. And her breasts grossed me out. She had big tits.Of course she had big ones, my father didn't look at flat ones...

And if I'd been taken away at one or two years old... does that mean I had time to be breastfed? God, it creeps me out to think about it.

I didn't even have anything to distract me in that square, it was all clean and tidy and no one picking their nose in public. That wasn't a place for me.

My phone vibrated in my pocket and gave me a way out. I unlocked the screen and buried my face in it.

It was a photo of Phil's brother drunk as a skunk and pantless on a park bench. Now that guy knew how to have some fucking fun.

I let out a chuckle as I picked the right gif to express all my emotions.

"Who are you texting?"

Jesus Christ.

"My friends." I locked the screen since her predatory gaze was already leaning over my phone.

"Have you made any friends at your new school yet?"

"No. I mean my friends from home. In Sacramento."

Her expression plummeted like a sandcastle.

"Oh, Mom!" Jeremy rushed to the rescue. "Drake has talked to a lot of people at school! Everyone already knows him."

But before he could distract her again, Spaghetti guy came to get on my nerves. He grabbed Jeremy by the wrist and pulled him aside. "Come. Let's give him some space."

What space?? OH!! COME BACK HERE!!

They walked two meters ahead of us and started chatting about nonsense, like: "how's school? How are the tutors?" and various other crap.

We reached the end of the row of shops and turned back.

"Drake?"

I was forced to look up at her.

"Tell me the truth, how's it going?"

I shrugged. I didn't like her penetrating gaze. "It's fine."

Her lips pressed into a straight line. "Is there something you'd like? You brought very few belongings. Do you need clothes?"

She knew I didn't need clothes. I had a room full of clothes. I shrugged again.

"Are you sure that..." I didn't hear what she said next. 

Her voice was drowned out by the man further ahead. "I'd like to know how you plan to study economics if you still need this much help understanding high school math."

He didn't shout it, but his voice carried easily, especially with that asshole tone.

I didn't hear Jeremy's response. I only saw him shrink into himself like a mollusk.

"Drake." The judge brought me back to her. She placed a hand on my arm. "Why don't you invite your friends over? They could come for the weekend. It might help you feel more at home, don't you think?"

The two ahead of us stopped. They had heard our conversation and were staring at the woman as if she had gone mad.

"So? Would you like that?"

Would I like that? God. Having Simon and Phil there would make that place less insane. And then... if my band was there...

Lucas couldn't refuse after hearing us play. We would blow his mind.

"It's a great idea."

The judge smiled.

"Staphanie!"

"Mom?!"

She turned to the two. "What?"

"Maybe it would be better if Drake made some new friends here. To start over." Jeremy said.

I finally managed to free myself from the woman's grip and pushed the little shit aside.

"Explain to me what your problem is."

"I'm not the one with problems." He whispered back. "I'll take a wild guess, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think your friends are the kind of people our mother would approve of."

"My friends will surely be better than yours. Oh, wait. You don't have friends."

Jeremy turned purple with rage. He took a violent step forward to retort, but Spaghetti guy booming voice stopped him.

"You should have asked me." He and the judge were arguing, not exactly quietly. "You know Isabelle is coming tomorrow. Where are we supposed to put more guests?"

"Isabelle is coming tomorrow?!" Jeremy's whiny voice made them both turn.

"I told you she'd be here soon."

"Yes, soon. Not tomorrow!"

"Jeremiah, your childish complaints are the last thing I need right now."

"What childish complaints?! Drake just arrived! My missing brother has been here for three days and you haven't even let him unpack his suitcase before sending him to school. And now you want to cram a fifth person into that house?!"

Neither he nor she responded to him. Kevin took him by the arm and dragged him a couple of steps away. I couldn't hear what he said, but from the annoyed way he gestured, he didn't seem very happy.

The judge's hand gripped my arm again. "Leave it, Drake. He and Isabelle have never gotten along very well, even as children. But I assure you, she's a delightful girl, you don't have to worry. But Kevin is right, it wouldn't be fair to invite your friends just in the few days when Isabelle is visiting us. We already see her very rarely... What do you say if we invite your friends for the Easter holidays? Would that work?"

Better than nothing...

"Yes. I'd like that."

She smiled, I mean, she really smiled. "Why don't we go to some nice shops while the boys discuss? I'm sure we'll find something you like."

That evening, I oddly felt comforted carrying the weight of my new amplifier up the stairs. After that outburst, Jeremy had been silent as a fish for the rest of the afternoon. He only spoke to me once we reached our floor.

"Are you planning to go to school tomorrow?"

"I wouldn't say so."

He sighed. His shoulders seemed to weigh heavily on him. That's why he was always hunched over.

"Okay. I'll cover for you, but Isabelle will be arriving in the morning, and if she finds you here when you're supposed to be at school, I don't know if she'll go tattle."

I shrugged. Maybe I'd just stay holed up in my room. Oh, but I had to convince Lucas to join my band.

"Well, if the girl wants to rat me out, so be it."

Jeremy made an unhappy expression. It wasn't the response he wanted to hear.

"Okay, then... good luck."

"For what?"

"Isabelle. She's... how should I put it... don't look her directly in the eyes. She'll steal your soul."

That must have been the first joke I heard him make. I burst out laughing, and he hesitated, his lips curving uncertainly, as if he didn't know whether to join in.

In the end, he let himself go.

It was strange. We were identical twins, we really had the same face. But that was the first time he truly resembled me.