Chat with: Lucas

Why can’t you sleep?

usual reasons

life sucks

Same thing

You know what’s funny?

Today is thursday

So?

I have a theory

That all worst thing happen on a Thursday 

Like what?

Like when my cat died, it was Thursday

I didn’t know you had a cat

She was called Sissi 

She was all black

A scooter ran her over

Fuck scooters

Do you miss her?

Drake?

I have 12 cats

WHAT?!

Well, they’re no really MINE, they live in the park around my house

I feed them

There is one that’s all black, I call her Booger, but if you want we can call her Booger Sissi the Second. 

Booger should be honored. 

Do you want to see them?

The cats?

yes

now?

yes

I’ll take a cab

- - -

I had noticed that the judge would leave her purse hanging in the entrance, and I had kept that information for a similar occasion.

I tiptoed down the stairs and, making light with the flashlight of my phone, found the coats hanging. The judge's handbag was a modest and dark little thing, suitable for a career woman. Even the wallet inside was sober and dark.

I took just a little bit. A hundred Canadian dollars, gone. I wasn't sure how much the taxi would cost me, but I couldn't risk being stranded somewhere in Vancouver at three in the morning.

I tucked the bills into my pocket and hastily put on my coat. Before slipping out the front door, I went to retrieve Lucas's jacket from the closet.

...

If the taxi driver had any doubts about why a seventeen-year-old boy was wandering around alone at night towards the poorer neighborhoods of the city, he didn't voice them.

The closer we got to the address Lucas had given me, the further apart the streetlights became. The nice orderly houses with trimmed lawns disappeared, making way for blocks of apartments with crumbling plaster and bars on the windows.

As the taxi began to slow down, I saw on the sidewalk half overrun by weeds a raccoon rummaging through the garbage. I breathed a sigh of relief. It almost felt like coming home.

"Here? Are you sure?" The taxi driver looked at me puzzled.

Ahead of us was a patch of dirt surrounded by dark buildings. There was a hoop hanging on one end of the court and a bare pole on the other. A couple of swings and a slide. Over the whole park, there was only one lamppost casting a little light.

I spotted a group of clustered men in one corner, keeping an honest neighborhood business alive. Then I recognized the hunched figure on the other side, slumped on one of the dilapidated swings.

"Yes, this is it."

The man shrugged, announced his exorbitant price, and didn't even bother to give me change. I swear, if it were my money, I would have caused trouble.

I got out of the taxi dragging Lucas's jacket with me and skirted around the garbage bin staying well away from the raccoon.

Okay, no. More assholes than bees, no. No one is more of an asshole than a bee.

I crossed the deserted street and jumped onto the park's step.

Lucas was swinging slowly on his swing with only a hoodie on. I approached him slowly from behind, and...

"HOLY SHIT!"

I chuckled at his wide eyes and squeezed his chest a little harder.

His expression went from half heart attack, to annoyed, to half amused. He often had that expression when he looked at me. A mix of annoyed and amused, as if he didn't know which to choose.

"Idiot." Lucas pushed me away with a laugh.

I threw him the jacket and ran to occupy the second swing. The menacing creaking of the chains could mean only two things: either I was too grown up for the swing, or those things had passed their expiration date.

And I couldn't be too big for the swing, I refused to believe it, so it must have been the second.

"I thought you were joking when you said you were taking a cab. It's four in the morning."

"If you thought I was joking, what are you doing here?"

The lamppost light only illuminated half of his face, in a super cool way. He looked like one of those paintings you study in school, with lots of shadows and colors. Yellow hair, blue eyes. And then he was all red cheeks. It was pretty cold.

Lucas shrugged as he zipped his jacket up to the collar. "I told you. I couldn't sleep."

"And so you came to the park. Wanted to do some shopping?" I tilted my head towards the group of men still gathered near the hoop.

"Nah. They sell heroin around here. It's a bit too strong for my taste."

I burst out laughing and leaned back a bit on the swing. "Really? You've never tried it?"

He widened his eyes, looking worried. "No, Drake! I'm not that desperate! Have you?"

The expression on his face was priceless. “No, come one... chill out! My dad made me solemnly swear to stay away from it."

It wasn't just that it could kill you; my dad said doing heroin was like dying before you were really dead.

And, looking at those guys, they didn't indeed seem entirely alive. "So you're saying they won't beat us up if I kiss you?"

Lucas widened his eyes a bit more. It was a pity it was so dark, I wanted to see them clearly.

"I wouldn't even mind if they come here. I feel like throwing some punches."

Oh, I knew that feeling. And at that moment, after the shitty day I had, I totally shared it.

I leaned forward pushing the swing sideways. Lucas didn't come to me, he waited for me to come to him. What a princess.

I gave him a peck on the lips. I could have grabbed him by the back of his neck and stuck my tongue in his mouth, but I didn't. I barely touched his lips and then let the swing return to its position. I felt a little warmer.

The dim light obscured his expression, but it seemed to me that he was also smiling. I couldn't be sure, as he started to push with his feet and go up and down, completely disappearing from the cone of light.

I gripped the chains with my fingers and let myself go into a lazy sway too. That creaking was getting on my nerves. It insisted that I was too old for that game, I had to grow up. And there I was, swinging and making it creak even louder.

"There's one." Lucas suddenly stopped and pointed to the other side of the street.

And indeed, there was a big cat standing on the sidewalk. Lucas started calling it with a series of kissy noises, and it immediately trotted towards him.

It was nice and big, orange or hazelnut, I couldn't tell. It trotted up to the swings and stopped a meter away from Lucas. It sat down on its regal behind and began to meow imperiously.

The king demands his dinner.

I love cats.

"Does he let you touch him?"

Lucas didn't even try to reach out a hand. He snorted disdainfully. "Captain Fluffybutt is an asshole. He doesn't let anyone touch him, not even me. You have to wait for Sailor Moon. She's a slut, lets anyone touch her."

"AWW, like me!"

I didn't have to wait even a minute. From Captain Fluffybutt's meowing, they came in droves.

I abandoned the swing and sat on the ground with my legs crossed offering sniffing hands left and right. Colorful and scratched noses cautiously approached. Some bold ones even started to hiss, and then made the whole tour to go worship their source of food.

Lucas laughed and sat down next to me.

"Here, this is Marshmallow. This one is Carrot, but I usually call her Satan. No, don't touch her, she scratches. This one, over here, is Mister Spock."

I touched ALL of them. Yes, even Captain Fluffybutt. No one was safe from my need for fluffy snouts. I got bitten a lot but honestly, I didn't care. I was ready for immolation.

I was trying my best to win over Satan, when a kitten with a moon-shaped spot on its head came to sit on my lap.

It looked at me with its big black eyes, then curled up and started purring.

"Yes, that's Sailor Moon. I told you she's a slut."

And that's why we got along. I ran my fingers through her fur and scratched her ears well.

In return, she kept me warm, let me press my face against her back, and allowed me to hold her close. She made me feel good.

When I lifted my head again, I saw that the men in the corner had left. It was just me, Lucas, and the cats now. And Lucas was looking at me.

I felt a bit pathetic seeking solace like this, from a cat that wasn't even mine. And I felt pathetic that someone saw me in this state.

But maybe Lucas hadn't noticed that I was a mess. Maybe he thought I had come here just to get laid.

"What happened today? You said the worst things happen on Thursdays."

Okay. He had noticed.

I gave Sailor Moon's neck a little scratch, and she closed her eyes to enjoy the cuddles fully.

"My father's name isn't what I thought. It's obvious when you think about it. But I hadn't thought about it. Even my name is made up."

Lucas made a noise of understanding and withdrew into himself, staring into space for a while, as if he needed some time alone to come up with a response.

Finally, his response was to hand me another cat, which promptly snuggled up next to the first one.

"Of course your name is made up. All names are made up."

That... was true, okay. But it was... different.

"It's just... it's all a mess. And I don't know what to do."

There was another noise of understanding, and another long pause, before Lucas shuffled closer and tapped my shoulder with his.

I liked having him close. I wished he'd come even closer. That he'd hold me tight. I almost thought about asking him, but I was too embarrassed. It was a bit gay.

In the end, I opted for a healthy middle ground. I slumped my head on his shoulder. I had his scent so close. His body keeping my cheek warm. And two cats purring on my lap. It was almost perfect.

Almost.

"I wish my band was here. I wish I could hear my songs blasting with bass and drums."

"What does your band have to do with this?"

His voice was full of curiosity as if he really didn't understand. And I wanted him to understand.

"I can't explain it. It's like... I feel like there's a hand pressed over my mouth. Always. I can't... I don't know. It suffocates me. But it doesn't matter. I can even have a hand over my mouth, because if I have a guitar in my hand, I don't need to speak. Music is... it's my only release. Do you understand?"

Lucas remained silent for a long time. I saw him raise his eyes. I followed his gaze, thinking he was looking at the sky, but no. He was looking at the building across the street.

"I always feel like I have a hand pressed over my mouth." He said quietly, almost whispering. I got the feeling that he was the one who needed a hug, and didn't know how to ask for it.

Fuck everyone. I'll hug him.

The two cats jumped away as soon as I moved, and those wandering around Lucas backed off as I climbed onto his lap. I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his shoulder.

He didn't stay still for long. He raised his hands and hugged me back. He didn't say anything. He just held me.

This was what I had wished for all day. This was what I needed.

"I can show you how to relieve that feeling. Give me your voice. Sing my songs. And I'll write new ones for you. I'll write what you can't say."

Thank God I had my face hidden, because I definitely wouldn't have been able to say such a whiny thing if he had looked me in the eyes.

"I'd like that. Really." And for the first time, I was sure he was telling the truth. He wanted to. He'd like it.

"But I can't. It's just... I don't have the time. I have to work."

I lifted my head and looked him straight in the eyes. "But in the afternoon..."

"In the afternoon, I'm washing dishes. I start at three and finish around midnight. I only have a few hours free between the Smiths' house and the restaurant, and I use them to eat and sleep. I'm sorry, Drake."

The fact that he was genuinely sorry made me feel even more like shit. It wasn't fucking fair. Why did he have to work? It wasn’t fair. He was just a kid. Like me. He liked to go on the swing. It wasn’t fair.

Lucas shifted under me to find a more comfortable position. I was probably starting to weigh on his legs. I wasn't as light as a cat.

I got off his lap and slumped back against his shoulder.

"But... when my friends come, you'll hear us play, right?"

There was no reflection noise this time.

"Promise."

A cheerful ringtone shattered the peace of the park. The cats scattered in every direction and disappeared into the darkness.

Lucas fumbled with his jacket to reach the pocket of his hoodie.

He eyed the screen of his flip phone and immediately became more nervous.

"What do you want?"

A high-pitched voice answered quickly from the other end of the receiver.

"I'm down in the park."

Lucas looked up again, towards the building. A window on the top floor lit up, and a figure appeared behind the curtain.

"It's a friend." Lucas answered through gritted teeth.

I didn't know if it was appropriate to raise a hand and wave.

"What the fuck do you want?! Don’t I have the right to do whatever I want?!"

Maybe not appropriate, then.

"Fine. Fine, stop it. I'm coming up." Lucas hung up the phone and stuffed it into his pocket. "Fucking drama queen..."

He started to stand up, so I was forced to stand up too.

"Your mother fears I'll lead you down the path of drugs and squalor? Because there's not much walking involved." I said, gesturing towards the Ketamine corner.

He put his hands in his pockets and shrugged. He was still nervous. "She's afraid I'll hang out with sexually deviant people. Her words."

"Oh, come on. Did she figure out from the fifth floor that I'm gay? What an eye."

He laughed and lost some of his irritation. He leaned in close to my ear with a smirk.

"Too bad for her that we fully intend to be deviants."

I returned his mischievous smile, and he continued, "I can't wait for tomorrow morning."

And then our little conversation from earlier came back to me. Fuck.

"Well... actually..."

Lucas stopped, about to turn and leave.

"Well, actually, I think I'll have to go to school. The judge caught me, and then... I have to keep an eye on my brother. I think he needs me."

He stood there for a moment, torn between the satisfaction that I had finally decided to go back to school and the disappointment of missing out on the best sex of his life.

"So, we'll postpone," he said, pulling those plump lips into a smile.

"We'll postpone."

I didn't lean in to kiss him, since the figure at the window was still watching us, and Lucas made no attempt to approach, so we parted ways with a simple goodbye.

I had my principles. And one of those principles is not to steal more than you need. So I slipped the leftover money into the judge's wallet and then ran up the stairs.

It was almost six in the morning. I had to get up in less than an hour to catch the bus. Life never stopped sucking, huh?

When I reached my door, I stopped before lowering the handle. I strained my ears, but I didn't hear any sound. Not even the click of a mouse.

I didn't know what prompted me to go to the door across the hall. I cracked it open and peeked inside.

The computer was still on, its blue light shining on Jeremy's slumped head.

He had fallen asleep with the pen in his hand. His last notes blurred into the madness of sleep. I was pretty sure the word "difficolous" didn't exist.

I went to fetch the blanket from the bed and draped it over his shoulders.

I wasn't sure what a good brother would do, but it was probably shit like that.