(June 15)
It's Saturday and Teshima arrived after lunch again. She checked our homework and graded it. She went over corrections but I only missed one question. It looks like Kentaro missed a lot and he was frustrated. Gin missed a few too, but less than Kentaro. Matsu didn't even answer most of the questions. Hisashi got a full score. I seriously underestimated him. But how is he so smart anyway?? How does he remember how to do all this shit from high school when he's already graduated?? I guess he's just naturally talented and I hate to see it.

We begin our lessons and work for today. Even though I was irritated when Gin gave me the cold shoulder while I was helping him last time, I couldn't stop myself from lending a hand to him again today. He's still struggling with a few things and still isn't catching Teshima's attention. I guess I have to help this pitiful boy even if he doesn't like me. Not like I really like him either.

As I help Gin, I sketch the work for the problem on the paper to show him how to solve it. He writes next to my sketch and understands it finally. As I pull away since he's solved that problem, he suddenly grabs my pencil to stop me. I'm stunned for a moment. What's he doing now...?

".....ks....."

Huh? What was that? Is he trying to say something? Is he not mute after all?? 

"Huh??" I say, moving closer so I can hear.

Gin has his head down. He's still gripping my pencil. There's silence. Then...

".....thanks......" I hear a quiet voice coming from him.

Holy shit.... He just talked... He said thanks... And it's really freaking cute... Wait, shut up, Akiara. Who cares if he sounds cute? That doesn't matter even one bit. What matters is that apparently he's been appreciating my help. I feel a little better about helping him now...

I can't help but smile. "No problem!" I say.

He slowly glances up at me, in between his white hair. Then he turns his head away and lets go of my pencil. Now that he said that... Has he just been shy this whole time? So it's not like there's any problem with me? I'm relieved. And the smile on my face won't go away.

"Akiara~"

I turn my head to see Hisashi standing up. He smiles at me.

"Kentaro refuses my help so I wondered if you could help him~ I could help Gin in your stead~" he explains.

I look at Kentaro. He seems irritated and doesn't want to meet anyone's eyes. I glance at his paper. He scribbled on his paper with force, clearly showing his frustration. I glance over at Teshima. She's occupied with Matsu as usual. I guess... I have no choice... For some reason, I exchange places with Hisashi to help Kentaro.

"You didn't want help from Hisashi?" I ask. Not that I blame him, but what am I supposed to say now? Why did I agree to this?? It's only been one second but I already regret everything.

"I just..." Kentaro starts. "I just don't need help from him... I don't need your help either..." Kentaro made a sound like a low growl and aggressively scratched his head.

I blinked. That growl... Is he a dog...? Wait, never mind, that doesn't matter. He doesn't want our help. What should I do now?

I watch as Kentaro tries to attempt the problem again. Oh well... At least Gin is off my hands now. Although, I would have liked to hear more of his voice... Ugh, I need to stop thinking things like this. Ignore whatever these boys do and everything will be alright. Even if I did want to make a move on Gin, would he even want it? I'm definitely not about forcing myself on him. He's covered from head to toe anyway, I doubt he likes being touched. Yeah, let's stop this train of thought here.

I continue to watch Kentaro struggle for a few minutes. His temper seems to be rising and the air around him almost seems warmer. He won't explode, right?? I'm slightly scared, but I can't just watch anymore and I feel like I should do something to stop him.

"Hey, hey, Kentaro." I try to get his attention. The air cools to a normal temperature. "You can't let this problem beat you, alright? Go slow and you'll be able to figure it out. Look at the problem in sections. Like here, ignore everything else and look here, what do you do in this section?" I cover the problem with my hands.

Kentaro thinks. I can see the gears turning in his head. "Well... This, right?" he writes it down.

"Yeah, you got it! That's exactly what you do! Now how about the next part?"

I continue to help him in the same way. Once he's solved the problem, he realizes now that he got help from me. He pulls away again.

"Alright, I got it from here..." he says and covers his paper with his arms.

Well, I helped him with one problem... If he uses the same technique, he'll probably be fine... I can't help but feel like he's a bit worse than Gin though. Will he really be fine?

Kentaro continues to attempt his work. I sit back and relax. I already finished my work after all. I see Hisashi is helping Gin, but Gin looks a bit uncomfortable. Hisashi isn't saying anything weird, right? But I guess he wants to help Kentaro and Gin, so that's a good sign. Right?

"Akiara..." Kentaro says my name and my attention turns back to him. "How come I still can't understand this...?"

"That's alright, everyone learns at their own pace," I say. He lets me see his paper again. "You've got to find the way of learning that works for you. Was my way helpful?"

"Yeah... A little..."

"We can try other ways. Like I can do a demonstration of the problem and you copy me. Then you apply it to the other problems." I steal Kentaro's pencil since I left mine on the table by Hisashi.

I help him and this time he cooperates. It goes smoother and I'm able to help him with the whole paper. He looks like he has a better understanding and the tension is gone from his shoulders.

I smile. "We did it. I'd say we work well together. I mean, didn't we complete that puzzle all by ourselves too?" I point at the picture up on the wall.

"Heh..." Kentaro smirks as he looks up at it. "I guess you're right."

I feel a sense of accomplishment. It always feels good to help others. It's also nice to make new friends. I wonder what it'd feel like if I allowed myself to become good friends with everyone here...? But... I'm nervous... I touch my hand to my quokka badge. I'm nervous that they might be like him... And leave me completely alone like I'm a toy that they got tired of playing with...

I help Kentaro with the rest of the lessons too. He seems to be in better spirits now that he's getting the constant help he needs. I can't help but distance myself after though. But why does it seem like now Gin AND Kentaro are watching me...? If Gin was my first stalker, now I have a second one. 

(June 16)
We were back to our normal schedule as usual. But by the bonding activity, after we switched partners, Yuuma announced that it was Father's Day. He gave us the option to write a letter to our dads if we wanted to. I have no reason to send my dad anything. He wouldn't care if I did or didn't. I doubt he'd reply to me if I did send him a letter. So I'll just ignore that this holiday exists and continue on with my day.

My new partner this week is Matsu. Gin is now with Hisashi, and Kentaro is now with Yuuma. Our activity for today is origami. Yuuma passed out origami paper and a book showing how to make certain things. I'm glad it shows pictures because that's the best way for me to learn how to make anything.

I make a simple dog face and cat face. There's colored pencils to draw on our creations, so I draw eyes and a nose. It looks alright. Maybe my folding wasn't perfect. I look over at Matsu next to me.

Matsu didn't write a letter either. He immediately went for the origami paper and started folding, but it doesn't look like anything. He just kept folding until he couldn't fold anymore. Of course I don't know anything about anyone else's family life, and I'm not going to ask, but I would assume Matsu isn't close with his dad either.

There are many mysteries surrounding Matsu. He came to the camp looking homeless, and he isn't acting like a mentally-sound person. I wonder what happened to him. Does he even have parents...? Or family...? It makes me wonder. He also had sunken-in cheeks when he first arrived, but his face looks fuller now that he's eaten everyday. I'm a bit glad. He doesn't look on the verge of death now.

"A c-cat!" Matsu suddenly spoke, pointing to my origami cat face.

"Yep. Do you like cats?" I ask. His badge is a cat so I'm sure the answer is yes.

"Y-Yes! I l-love cats!" Matsu beamed. Oh god... He's adorable... His stutter is cute, but so is his smile... I want to squeeze him until he pops...

"Do you want to make one too?" I ask, grabbing another piece of paper.

He nods quickly. He grabs another piece of paper as well. He starts folding randomly again. Then he realizes it's not looking like my cat at all and stops, confused. I almost laugh.

"You have to follow these instructions and fold it like this," I tell him. I fold my paper to show him.

Matsu gets lost after the first step. I help him fold his paper, our hands touching. He watches closely to the way I fold. When I'm done, he brightens. He grabs a colored pencil and scribbles in two eyes.

"I-It's a cat!" He exclaims.

I smile. "Yep!"

I watch as he attempts to fold another cat. I help him again. Now he just keeps making more cats. Our whole table is practically getting covered by all the paper. Doesn't he like cats way too much??

"Matsu...!" I hurriedly turn his attention to the book of instructions. "What other animals do you like...?"

He stares at the book as I flip through it. Then he points to something. "A f-frog!" he says.

I look at the picture. It looks simple enough to make. I set the book down and pick up a piece of paper through the many cat faces. I clear a spot and start following the instructions. Matsu moves close to watch. A little too close... It's like he's breathing down my neck.

I finish the origami frog and draw eyes on it. I present it to Matsu in my palm. I'm proud of myself for completing it.

Matsu picks up the frog. He stares at it with big, sparkling eyes. "A-A frog!!"

"Now you can make one too!" I say.

He carefully puts the frog down as if it's extremely valuable. Then he grabs a piece of paper. I help him through the steps. He finishes it and is in awe like he was with mine. He carefully sets it down next to mine. He smiles at the two frogs.

"T-They're a couple!" he says. He smiles at me.

A...couple...? My cheeks start to turn pink. Wait, I don't think he means what I think he means. But if he does... How forward... And I thought he was innocent because of his looks... This is bad... He isn't trying to tempt me, right...? Because it might work...

Matsu looks confused at my delayed response. He tilts his head. He can get cuter...!? How is this possible!?

"Very cute...!" I quickly say, to say something.

Matsu smiles brighter. "C-Cute!" He looks back at the frogs.

This boy... He's going to ruin me... He's more dangerous than I thought... Can we switch partners again? Now, please?? How will I be able to hold out for a week??

Luckily, the activity for the day ends soon after. Yuuma gathers all of the finished origami, including the large pile of cat faces, and keeps them in a bag. The counter apparently has cabinet doors and he puts the bag behind one of them.

He also gathers up the letters for Father's Day. Looks like only Hisashi and Kentaro wrote one. Gin didn't either...? I'm curious... But I shouldn't pry. It's none of my business.

The rest of the week continues. I have to keep holding myself back with Matsu. Gin was tempting, but Matsu is overwhelming. And it's already been 2 weeks, this'll be the 3rd. When I was living my life before I came here, I would have hooked up with a guy or two to satisfy my desires already. This current situation is like I'm surrounded by hot boys but I can't touch any of them. I'm struggling with my urge for some good fun, and my stubbornness to try to not get too close to anyone. My stubbornness has to win. I'll keep holding on.

(June 22)
Saturday comes and I'm surrounded by the hot boys on all sides. Seriously, why did I choose the middle seat...? I want to ask Teshima if I can sit on one of the ends, but that's probably a worse idea. Matsu is on one end so he'd be next to me. I've already gone over my struggle with that. On the other end is Hisashi. He always makes some kind of perverted comment when he can. Yuuma ignores him and we've all learned to ignore it too. But in my current state, if he says or does anything to me, I might take it. Which isn't an option. So I stay between Kentaro and Gin. But even they keep glancing at me, and my heart jumps every time. My body thinks they're looking at me for some fun too. But even if they are, I definitely can't allow it.

In this situation, there's only one option left. Something to tide me over. My hand will be the only thing that gets action until I leave this camp. A year seems longer and longer as the days go by... Will my hand really be enough to satisfy me...?

I try to focus on the educational lessons. It helps a little. Then I help Gin with some work. Kentaro is on my other side and asks me questions so I help him too. Having two people that I have to help helps me too in the end. I stay distracted the whole time and forget about my worries for a bit.

Once the lessons are done for the day, we clean up and have dinner. The delicious food distracts me until I finish it. Yuuma lets us go back to our cabins. Finally, I can stay away from all of the boys... Of course I share a cabin with Gin and Kentaro, but it's not like we have to sit close to each other or anything. To end my day, I'll take a nice warm shower. I might actually have to let my hand help release the tension from today...

Just then, to make things worse, someone tugs on my shirt to stop me from heading to the bathroom. I turn my head to see Gin holding the end of my shirt. He has his head down. Huh...? What's up? What happened? Why does he have to grab me now...? I thought I didn't have to be close to anyone for the rest of the day!

Gin seems to hesitate. "Um..." His voice is extremely quiet.

I turn all the way around. I lean closer to hear him. "Sorry, what was that?"

He has let go of my shirt but picks at his fingernails nervously. Then he lifts his head, moves his mouth close to my ear, and speaks.

"Thank you...for always helping me..." he says.

I'm frozen. He can't... He can't do that... I can't... Does he have any idea how cute his voice is? Does he have any idea how good he smells when he's this close? Does he have any idea how much I want to squeeze him? Matsu was overwhelming... But now Gin is learning how to be too...

I lose my grasp on myself for a moment and my arms wrap around him. He stiffens but my arms are tight. His coat covers his neck but I attempt to bury my nose in it. I hold him, taking him all in. He's small. His hair is soft on my cheek. His skin feels warm through the side of his mask. I want to hold him tighter and tighter...