Ah, after procrastinating and being demotivated for so long, I am actually writing this. Hmm, let’s see, where to begin from? From the beginning, I guess. Okay, so, around more than 13 billion years ago, there was a very loud explosion or a bang(?), and everything was formed from that explosion. There was nothing but then, suddenly in a moment the whole universe came into existence… Did I get you? I am just joking. This is one of the only few parts of this thing that will be funny(?). This book or whatever it is, is, unfortunately not going to be happy or cheerful… so, I thought why not at least start with a funny thing, once again, if you didn’t find it funny, I am sorry.

The things that I am going to write from now on will not only be sad and tough to read for you, (readers, if someone is even reading this) but they will be sad and tough to write for me as well because almost everything in story is something that I have experienced myself. At times, things get very messy and hard to understand for that, I ask for your forgiveness. There are some things in this story that will make you suffer from extreme second-hand embarrassment so, please be cautious.

I have tried to pretend that those things never happened. But no matter how I tried, I couldn’t forget about the past. I couldn’t move on and got stuck in an infinite loop of not being able to face it, rejecting it and then crying about it.

Well, you might have a rough idea of what this memoir (yes, that’s the correct word) is going to be about. It’s going to be about things that happened in the past with me and somethings that I have done. Those things are what… destroyed me as person and changed me and made me the person I am today. I have tried to my best to change myself and go back to how I used to be, but I can’t seem to do it. Now, I am not even sure of what I am supposed to do. What’s good for me, what’s bad for me, I don’t know.

But maybe by the end of this, I can actually figure out, although I know that the chances of that happening are quite low, almost negligible to be exact. But that’s not my aim behind writing this. Why am I writing this? I don’t know if I am being honest. Because while I am writing this, I will have to face my past and dig out the things that I am afraid to face. I might not return to being my past self again, but I will surely be better than the current me. Or at least I hope so…

Honestly, I don’t know if someone will ever read this or not but if by any chance, in future someone is reading this, I would like to thank them. As for why I am even writing this, you will know by the end of this… memoir.

So, if you are ready to go on this journey with me, thank you very much and be prepared. Because what I have experienced is not only despair and pain, but at times you may even find it quite cringe worthy... All I ask of you is to stay with me, that’s it and if you want, please tell me what I should have done and if there was a way to avoid all that happened.