He wanted to cry—he wanted to cry so badly that he felt tears stab the back of his eyes. Bile rose in his throat as he blinked back tears. He couldn’t help but pray in his head silently, asking for God’s Grace and Mercy, asking Him to save him from this misery.

But God was silent. Judging him. Criticizing him. Perhaps even disowning him. He didn’t know. He didn’t want to know. He felt miserable, a deep, dark sadness building inside of him as he begged God to forgive him of his sins. Was it so wrong that he fell in love? Yes, he knew that he had devoted himself to God and Christ, that he would “join…unto the Lord [and…/ f]lee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body”. He made that promise years ago, when he was in his early twenties. But then he met Adino. Oh, sweet, sweet Adino. He never met a sweeter boy than him. Adino was a haven, a light in his darkness. The younger male made Armanos feel loved and safe; he could bask in Adino’s smile forever.

“Well?” demanded Father Reverend Griffith furiously as his grip tightened around Armanos’s jaw. “What are your sins?”

He didn’t want to say anything. He would be exposing Adino and Adino did nothing wrong. He was just an innocent man. The younger male didn’t deserve to be ostracized because of Armanos. That would be too cruel and so unfair for him. Plus, he doubted that Adino would ever love him back if he outed him. So, what was he supposed to do? Lie again? But lie about what? The only things he was dishonest about were his sexuality and his non-celibate life.

“Armanos, this is your last chance before you’re excommunicated from Sa-Dame Rebekah.” Father Reverend Griffith spat at him. “What are your sins?”

“I am living a non-celibate life, Father Reverend,” Armanos said softly, and there was a collective gasp from the others. Even though he admitted half the truth, he still felt a tightness in his chest. But he vowed he’d never out Adino, even if his life was on the line. He couldn’t do that. Not to Adino.

“You’re not married, are you, Armanos?” Father Reverend Griffith asked as he loosened his grip on Armanos’s jaw.

“No, Father,” he said softly, staring at the ground.

“‘Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge’.” Father Reverend Griffith said stiffly.

“Hebrews 13:4,” Armanos said weakly. “I…understand, Father. I—I know my mistake. I just…I… I fell in love.” He looked at the other Brothers but they didn’t meet his gaze. He glanced at the Sisters but they were staring at the ground. The Deacons were tight-lipped, a dark look of sheer disappointment on their faces. The Elders were muttering amongst themselves in disgust.

Father Reverend held his hand up, forcing Armanos into silence. He shook his head slowly, clicking his tongue. “You swore celibacy to the Lord, did you not?”

“Well, yes, but—”

“Yet you fell in love, you said?” Father Reverend interrupted Armanos coldly.

“I—yes, I did, but—”

“So, why are you making excuses?”

Armanos stared at the ground, feeling his jaw locking as shame colored his cheeks. He flinched as Father Reverend Griffith cupped his face, forcing him to meet those icy gray eyes. He looked at him, nervous, dreading what the man was going to say next.

“Who did you sleep with?” Father Reverend Griffith asked, tilting his head in question. “Who is the maiden? Or whore? Or, God forbid, man?” When Armanos didn’t give him an answer, Father Reverend Griffith turned to Deacon Gideon, ordering him, “Get me the whip.”

Panic burst into Armanos and he gave off a startled noise. “But-but Father—”

“If you cannot repent with words, you will with your actions. Deacon Gideon, hurry up!” Father Reverend Griffith demanded furiously.

Deacon Gideon didn’t look happy as he brought forth the whip. It was a nasty looking thing, with multiple straps. The cat-o’-nine-tails was definitely Father Reverend Griffith’s favorite—he frequently used that whip often to punish any wayward souls. Armanos tried refusing the flogging, backing away and stammering apologies but it was clear that Father Reverend Griffith had made up his mind. He got Brother Josiah and Deacon Ira to hold him while Brother Zakaryah had to take off Armanos’s cassock. Despite all the struggling and failing, Armanos was now shirtless and forced to his knees in front of Father Reverend Griffith.

His heart was in his throat as he heard Father Reverend Griffith move behind him, the air thickening with electric tension. He couldn’t breathe properly as waves of terror overrode his system, making him tremble and tear up. It wasn’t hard to repent…but he couldn’t get himself to do it. Was it because of Adino? Was it because he didn’t want Adino to suffer the same fate as him or even worse?

The cat-o’-nine-tails struck his bare shoulders hard and a startled, pained groan left his lips, back arching. His vision went double when the whip cracked against his spine, leaving him dizzy and lightheaded. The whip kept going, striking his shoulders, spine, and lower back, over and over and over again, leaving him with tears running down his face as he gasped for air. Father Reverend Griffith didn’t even stop once, his arm swinging back to bring the cat-o’-nine-tails down with full force, causing Armanos to scream. He didn’t care that he was sobbing with snot and tears running down his face. He didn’t care that he was writhing in immense pain as Father Reverend Griffith continued flogging him. He didn’t care that he was being punished for hiding his secrets. But he did care that not one person tried stopping Father Reverend Griffith. They were all watching him with unreadable eyes, lips turned down. He kept thinking to himself, Fuck them. This is reality. No one gives a shit about you.

And he was right. No one did. If they did, they would have intervened but those fucking bastards were scared of being whipped themselves. Maybe Adino was right. Maybe this all was a lie. Maybe, just maybe, there was no such thing as a godly mercy or forgiveness. Or maybe he fucked up too many times that God had turned away from him, leaving him in the dark to fend for himself.

He could feel the blood rushing down his back as the cat-o’-nine-tails ruthlessly beat against his back. He could hear the sharp intake of breath from the others as they witnessed the blood dripping down, staining his drawers. The pain was so much that he found himself going numb—it probably was a state of shock that he found himself slipping into. He didn’t know how long Father Reverend Griffith kept on flogging him for but when he did stop, Armanos wanted to pass out.

Father Reverend Griffith crouched down beside him, grabbing a fistful of Armanos’s hair, tugging him up. He growled at him, “I bet my life that you’re not telling me something. Something far more worse than breaking your life of celibacy. Like being a faggot, for one thing. Are you a faggot, Armanos? Do you like getting fucked by men? Do you get off with that shit? Do you like it when a man touches you? Do you like it when a man’s cock is ripping you open? Is that it? You disgusting degenerate.” He let him go, spitting on the ground beside Armanos. He exhaled hard before snarling, “‘If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman’...?” He stared into Armanos’s eyes, waiting for him to finish the sentence.

“‘...both of them shall surely be put to death’,” Armanos said weakly.

“Exactly.” Father Reverend Griffith crooned. “You’re a smart boy, aren’t you? Now who’s your damned bastard? Tell me who he is.”

“I never slept with a man before.” Armanos spat out, coughing. He gritted his teeth as he forced himself into an upright position, sitting on his heels.

“Is that so? Then who’s bitch? Who’s the woman you’re fucking outside of marriage?” Father Reverend Griffith yelled, his hand wrapping around Armanos’s throat. “Who?! Who is it?”

“I won’t tell you!” Armanos choked out, clawing at his throat. “Fuck you! It’s my life, my choice. You can’t fucking control me!”

Father Reverend Griffith punched Armanos across the face, spatting, “Oh, but it’s not your life or your choice but God’s! You’re putting God’s name to shame! Is this how it is?! After Our Lord died for you?!” He punched Armanos again, nearly breaking Armanos’s nose. “Fucking bastard, He did everything for you, sacrificed everything, yet you stupidly gave into the flesh and broke God’s command? Fools like you deserve to rot in Hell for all of eternity! You’re unworthy of being called God’s Child. You are nothing but a parasite that leeches off the Heavenly Light of others, trying to turn them away from Our Father. In fact, I think we need to gather you fools and create a bonfire to burn you all. It’ll send you to Hell faster.” He looked over his shoulder to yell, “Brother Joaquin, go ahead and round up all the sinners. If they fail to repent by the first quarter, they will be punished!” He released Armanos from his grip and stalked off, slamming the church door with a thunderous boom.

Armanos stood unsteadily, rubbing his hand over his throat. The only thought he had in his head was Adino before darkness claimed him.