After hanging up the phone, a wave of relief washes over me. The tension that had coiled tight in my chest starts to unwind.

Talking to Rafa always does that to me. Even if we don’t solve anything, just hearing her voice makes things feel less heavy.

I close my eyes, letting out a deep breath, knowing that tonight will be different—I’ll sleep peacefully. For the first time in what feels like forever, my thoughts aren’t a tangled mess of confusion.

There’s still a lot that doesn’t make sense, but for now, I can rest, knowing we’re okay, even if only for tonight. I let the quietness of my room embrace me as I drift off, finally at peace.

---

Meanwhile, in another city, Rafa lies awake, staring at her phone. The screen is dark now, but my mind won’t shut off. I let out a small sigh, already knowing that sleep isn’t coming anytime soon.

"He’s probably asleep by now",

I think, biting my lip as a faint smile plays on my face.

"Of course, he is."

The idea of Azer sleeping soundly after our conversation makes me happy, but also... a little jealous.

"Why can’t I fall asleep too?"

I roll over in bed again. My heart’s still racing from the way we talked, the little things he said, the awkward pauses where I knew we were both blushing, even though neither of us could see the other.

I blush again, just thinking about it. Why does it have to be like this?

I roll onto my back, staring up at the ceiling. The darkness in my room feels heavy, and despite the quiet, my mind is anything but calm.

His voice still echoes in my ears, every word, every laugh replaying like a song I can’t get out of my head.

I bite my lip, feeling the warmth in my chest spread to my stomach, those familiar butterflies dancing again.

It’s embarrassing, really, how much one phone call can affect me. How just hearing his voice makes my heart race. Is this what being in love feels like?

I never thought it would be so… overwhelming. I try to calm myself, but every time I think of him, my pulse quickens.

As soon as he said,
"Don’t bite your lips," my heart skipped a beat. How does he know? I feel my cheeks burn as I instinctively stop, but the blush only deepens.

"He’s such a dummy,"

I think, laughing softly to myself. I wasn’t biting my lips for no reason. I bite them again, but this time, the memory of that kiss hits me—the way my heart raced, how the air around us felt heavier, warmer.

My face heats up at the thought, my pulse quickening just like it did back then.

I can almost feel it again—the softness of his lips, the closeness between us, the way I felt like my entire world was spinning and standing still all at once.

My heart was beating so fast I thought he might hear it through the phone, that's impossible what am I even thinking.

"Was he thinking about that too? Is that why he said, ‘Don’t bite your lips’?"

The thought sends butterflies through my stomach. He knows me so well, even the little things I don’t say out loud.

We’ve always been like this, knowing each other inside and out—best friends since we were kids, together through everything.

We’ve seen each other at our worst and our best. But now… it feels different. Everything between us feels so much more complicated.

I turn on my side, hugging the pillow next to me.

"What if this pillow were him?"

I pull it closer, imagining his warmth against me. The thought makes me blush furiously, and I bury my face into the pillow, trying to hide from the embarrassment, even though I’m alone in the room.

But as embarrassing as it is, it’s also comforting. The idea of him being here, right next to me, makes the world feel smaller, less frightening.

I let myself get lost in the thought for a moment, pretending he’s here, that I can feel the rise and fall of his breath beside me.

"Would it feel this calming? Or would I be even more nervous?"

I can’t help but giggle at the thought. He’d probably tease me for blushing so much. But that’s just how it is with him.

He makes me feel shy and bold all at once, like I’m free to be myself, even when I don’t know exactly who that is yet.

I hug the pillow tighter, the butterflies in my stomach fluttering wildly. What are we even doing? I’m lying here, thinking about him, hugging this pillow like it’s him, and yet I know nothing about where we’re headed.

This secret between us—it’s so fragile, but it’s also the one thing keeping me grounded.

There’s my family. My dad. The weight of our secret relationship. My studies, which I haven’t even focused on in days.

"What am I doing? I know I should be concentrating on school, on my future. But how can I, when every time I close my eyes, all I see is him?"

I laugh softly to myself, shaking my head.

" I’m really hopeless, aren’t I?"

I feel my cheeks warm again, blushing like some lovesick teenager. Well, I guess that’s exactly what I am.

It’s silly, how much I think about him. How every little moment we share replays in my head like a scene from a movie I can’t stop watching.

But then, the smile fades.

"How long can this go on? What if someone finds out? Would my dad approve? Would his...?"

It’s not like we’re doing anything wrong, but... it’s complicated. Our families have been through enough already, and the last thing they need is more problems.

I sigh, turning over again, trying to calm the rush of thoughts in my head. He’ll be fine, I tell myself. He always is.

But the truth is, I’m not sure if I believe that. And I’m not sure if I’ll be fine either.

The night stretches on, and I know I’m not getting any sleep. All I can do is lie here, staring at the ceiling, thinking about him.

Smiling like an idiot in the dark, even though my heart is full of questions that I don’t have answers to.