Two weeks until exams, and I’m a complete mess. I can’t afford to fail, but every time I sit down to study, thoughts of Rafa keep creeping in. I groan, rubbing my face, trying to snap out of it. It doesn’t help.
I need backup.
'Nisha. Rick. Help,'
I say as soon as I plop down at our usual spot in the library. Nisha looks up from her notebook, raising an eyebrow.
“Let me guess,”
Rick says, barely glancing up from his phone.
“You haven’t studied a thing.”
“Bingo,”
I mutter, sinking lower into my chair.
“I’m doomed.”
“You’re always doomed,”
Nisha quips, flicking a pen in my direction.
“What happened this time?”
I hesitate for a second. I can’t just blurt out,
‘Oh, I’ve been thinking about Rafa 24/7, and now I’m screwed.’ I clear my throat.
'Let’s just say… I’ve been a little distracted lately.'
Rick smirks, leaning back in his chair.
“Let me guess, distracted by a certain someone?”
I roll my eyes, but I can’t help the blush creeping up my neck.
'Maybe.'
“Oh my God, this again?”
Nisha groans, slapping her notebook shut.
“You’ve gotta be kidding me, Azer. You’ve got two weeks before exams! And all you’ve done is moon over your little crush?”
“It’s not like that…”
I start, but she’s already glaring at me.
“Dude, you haven’t studied at all?”
Rick asks, a little more serious this time. I shake my head.
"Wow, even I’ve been reviewing stuff, and I’m lazy."
'Yeah, well,' I shrug,
'I just need a little help, that’s all.'
“A little?”
Nisha says, looking at me like I’m crazy.
“Azer, you’re about to fail if you don’t get it together.”
She’s right. I know she’s right. That’s why I’m here, begging for their help.
“We’ll help,”
Rick says, leaning forward.
“But dude, you’ve got to focus. We’re not doing all the work for you.”
I nod, feeling a little relieved.
'I promise I’ll focus.'
Nisha rolls her eyes but grabs her stack of notes.
“Alright, let’s get started. But seriously, Azer, if you bring up your crush one more time, I swear…”
'I won’t, I won’t,'
I say quickly. But even as I say it, I know she’s going to cross my mind again.
We start working through the study material, but not even ten minutes in, I feel my thoughts drifting again. I keep replaying our last conversation, her voice echoing in my mind. Don’t bite your lips, she said.
Rick nudges me with his elbow.
"Dude, you’re spacing out again."
'Huh? No, I’m not,'
I lie, flipping a page in my textbook.
“Yes, you are,”
Nisha cuts in, narrowing her eyes at me.
“If you can’t stay focused for five minutes, you’re going to fail everything.”
'I’m trying, okay?'
I groan, running a hand through my hair.
'It’s just… hard.'
"Yeah, love will do that to you,"
Rick teases with a grin.
“But seriously, Azer, you’ve gotta snap out of it.”
“I know, I know,” I sigh.
Nisha leans forward, suddenly serious.
“Listen, we’re going to help you. But if you don’t give this your full attention, there’s no way you’ll pass. Got it?”
'Got it,' I say, nodding.
We dive back into studying, but of course, Rick can’t resist cracking a few jokes here and there. I can’t help but laugh at his ridiculous comments.
“Okay, guys, enough,”
Nisha scolds, trying to be the responsible one.
“We’re here to study, not joke around.”
“Lighten up, Nisha,”
Rick says with a grin.
“We’re just trying to make this less painful.”
'Yeah, Nisha, chill'
I add, smirking.
Nisha gives us both a look.
“You guys are impossible.”
But not long after, she starts cracking jokes too, trying out her “Gen Z” humor. Rick and I exchange glances, both of us equally unimpressed.
'Nisha, no offense, but maybe stick to studying,'
I say, trying to keep a straight face.
“Yeah, leave the jokes to us,”
Rick adds, nudging her.
She huffs, crossing her arms.
“Fine, fine. Let’s get back to work.”
The study session continues, and though we get distracted now and then, it feels good to be here with them, even if I’m not totally focused. We have each other’s backs, even when we’re messing around.
But as I sit there, pretending to focus on the words in front of me, I know I’m still not completely here. My thoughts keep slipping back to her, to that moment, to everything we’ve been through.
I need to focus. I have to pass these exams. But it’s hard when half my heart is somewhere else entirely.
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