Alex sat on his bed, staring at the ceiling, a sinking feeling in his chest. Why am I like this? The thought hit him harder than usual, and for a second, he didn’t know how to shake it off.

He sighed, pushing himself up and grabbing his phone. He had to check the dorm mate list, even though his mind was clearly elsewhere. Scrolling down, his heart stopped when he saw the name.

Kai.

Kai was going to be his roommate. For the next four years.

Alex felt a wave of panic rush through him. Of course it’s him. The guy he barely knew but couldn’t stop thinking about. The guy who made him feel... something. Something he couldn’t quite put into words.

He quickly forced himself to focus on something, anything else. Standing up, he grabbed his things and started rearranging his side of the room, as if putting everything in its place might somehow make the situation feel more manageable. He swapped out a few things in his closet, making it look a little more “normal.” After a few minutes, he stepped back and surveyed the room. Not perfect, but it would have to do.

He lay back down and pulled his phone up again, trying to distract himself. He was close to drifting off when his phone buzzed with a reminder he’d set for his meds. His stomach churned.

Fuck. My meds.

Alex sighed and got up again, walking over to the cabinet where he kept his ADD medication. He took two pills, swallowing them dry, and then collapsed back onto the bed, the exhaustion of the day creeping in.

But even as his eyes started to droop, one thought wouldn’t leave him. Why am I gay? It wasn’t something he asked himself often, but now it felt like the only thing that mattered. Could he ever just be normal? Or was he always going to feel this way, stuck with questions and feelings he didn’t know how to answer?

He pulled the covers up tighter, closed his eyes, and tried to sleep, but the thoughts lingered. They always did.