[Warning: Cringey unedited content- I'm tired but not as tired as Ray lol.]

(Previously: His hair and eyes are still gray. I tilt my head and then once again the vision is whisked away and I know it's not going to come back or at least not for a while. Maybe because I can feel the damage now...somewhere right behind my eyes. As though something...just needed another good rattle. I feel a sick grin form my therapist would hate the thoughts I was having right now.

"Ray?" The spy asks his voice questioning. "Your eyes...")

"My eyes?" I ask genuinely interested to know if he noticed.

He waves his hand in front of my face and I only notice when he sighs, "Nothing I just thought...nothing I’m sorry I brought it up.”

"I think I'm colorblind now," I realize pushing wet hair out of my face with the most amount of humor I can muster. ‘But that still doesn’t feel right because I didn’t see his blonde hair, that should have been yellow enough and I saw blue gray instead of brown.’

“So you did?! But you, you can't see me now can you?”

I shake my head no once again relieved when my neck though stiff doesn’t hurt. I shrug, thinking to myself, ‘Whatever happened might have rattled whatever was broken just enough… even though it was just for a second.’ 

I shiver with happiness this time. “I was able to see you.”

The spy tilts his head looking at him confused. “I…I don’t think your vision was that good if you were only seeing things in monotone.” 

“I’ll take anything I get!” I exclaim. Not sure why my gut wrenched in anxiety, as though it knew something I didn’t. My thoughts are torn away as I feel a headache settling in. I used to get these a lot too back at the beginning. I’d needed an MRI but other than some swelling and superficial damage to the outside of my skull when I healed they promised me there was nothing wrong with my parietal and occipital lobe. The parts that controlled my vision. I lean forward making the spy let out a noise of concern as I pinch the bridge of my nose. 

I feel a pounding I recognized and did Not miss. I let out a little hiss as I tilt my head, I’m still under the waterfall I realize, eyes widening, I’m in the water and I’m still in this much pain. I feel my heart start pounding as I realize this might not be as worth it as I first thought.

And what if the migraines stayed but the vision part of this “deal” never came back again? I’d split my head open just to make them go away again. Suddenly the spy has his arms around me again. I realize I had started whimpering. I close my eyes, “It hurts.” I offer unhelpfully. He nods his head. I feel awful. I tilt my head up and let the water run down my face and realize that if the pain didn’t go away soon I might start doing something drastic. I know the spy will be an obstacle to that though. I wish I’d just pass out.

I feel my hands shaking, clench in fists. I go to lift them and the spy grabs them both holding them firmly against his chest but he stays silent nonjudgmentally. I rub my face against his coarse skin, it’s not as smooth as it looks yet still much smoother than the chiefs. “Knock me out.” I beg, “Please, the pain is getting too much, just knock me out please.”

The spy looks up. I can't see his expression, probably disgust. Or maybe he’s getting ready to punch me, hopefully it doesn’t make things worse, nevermind it’s bad enough that I don’t care I just need to pass out. 

“It’ll pass.” He says firmly and for a second I hate him. 

‘How could he decide that for me, force me to keep feeling this pain, if he wasn’t here-’

“It’ll pass.” He promises again and I lean my head back until it touches the rock wall. I could probably get one good hit in before he completely writhstrained me. I did warn him. I lean my whole body forwards and press against him comfortingly and he places a hand on the back of my head holding me against him. “Thank you.”

“Five minutes.” I struggle to get out. “I’ll wait five minutes.” I close my eyes waiting closer to twenty before finally breathing through my teeth, “I waited now knock me out, please.”

He hesitates.

“Pain like this does permanent damage to humans!” I gasp out not sure how true it is, it feels true. That’s all he needed.

He wraps an arm around my neck and uses the other to press my head forward and to my amusement I let out a confused, “What?” I didn’t realize he chose to use a stranglehold until I feel the pressure build. ‘What a spy-like way to knock someone out.’ I slump unconscious a few seconds later.

I open my eyes, taking in the never ending darkness, something about it makes me feel more blind than ever. I roll over feeling a wet cloth fall off my head. I reach for it and feel the chief has already grabbed it. He's silent and something about it is heavier, angrier than the spy who is nearby arms folded. I wonder what they both think of me now.

I want to say something, “Th, thank you,” I croak as the chief places the cloth back on my forehead. He grunts and then leans forwards. Is he going to kiss me again?! I tense and he sniffs me even as I blush and try to relax, oh he’s just checking for sickness I guess.

“You don’t need any more brain damage, you’re already sick enough.”

“Chief.” The spy sighs exasperated. 

“What? Damaged? Broken?” He appears to get the troll's version of a look because he gestures to me, voice rising defensively, “He’s fragile! Too fragile! He almost died from one hit.”

“Not that you being struck is okay but he does have a point, you are way too weak to be a troll.”

I don’t know why but that hurt like hell to hear. I mumble something about how, “I know I’m just a pet.” 

“Not only that.” The chief continues I don’t think he heard me. “But now I have to banish someone for real and I really don’t want to.” His voice turns away from me and turns to a whisper almost, “I don’t think I can do this.”

The spy leans forward finally leaving his relaxed lean from the support beam of the tent to support the chief. “He almost killed someone you declared a troll.” He reminds, voice sounding almost harsh with the amount of hatred it held, “And they are protected for multiple other reasons as well. This is beyond anything you can allow.” He returns to his more laid back demeanor. “Loss of respect is fine but loss of trust, you can’t let someone get away with breaking the rules like this or someone will do it again.” 

I look towards them both realizing that my presence here was causing them so much trouble. “I’m sorry.” I whisper. 

The chief looks at me and sighs, “I just wish it wasn’t such a young troll, it's nothing like him either.” My ears perk up and for a second I almost feel like my left ear is a little weaker than the other. 

The spy takes a deep breath, “I have a theory and I hate it.”

“Are you guys talking about the troll that hit me?” I ask almost unnecessarily. Their breaths blow over me so that I know they’re looking. 

“Yes.” The spy says finally. “They were reported by the guard.”

I wince. I didn’t like the guard. He was always so mean to me and snippy. “You said…it was San?” I say slowly the words feeling so wrong.

I realize they both nodded, before the chief awkwardly clears his throat saying, “Yes, that's what the guard said, that he’d already hit you once before he could stop him and then ran away while he was trying to treat your wound but you got scared and well, we found you under the bed.”

I frown, I was lacking the memories of the interaction but I did remember an important conversation with San, that I needed to tell the chief and the spy something…what was it?

“Do you remember if it was him?” 

I shake my head no honestly. “I don’t remember anything other than that we were talking.”

I remember the nightmare. “I needed you there.” I say knowing it’s a lame attempt at guilt tripping him but the chief has a more visceral reaction to my arms curling around myself looking small.

“Why did they hit you though?!” He snarls suddenly, “It doesn't make sense!”

The spy switches to German. 

I gasp, “This has to do with me please keep me included.” 

He lets out a huff and then begrudgingly translates, “I said, he wants to be banished.” Then he sits down on the bed petting my head very gently, “I just never thought he’d go through such lengths just to see the surface.” I look down and start to wonder if the reason San saved me in the first place was to get banished. But to hit me almost kill me-a sick feeling that something horrible is going to happen-something that can never be undone and I start to panic. It’s not San, it’s not San, it’s not San.

“It’s not him!” I exclaim and wince at my own voice, I’m not convincing enough. “It’s not him, I remember.” I feel both of them simultaneously relax and then reel up in anger. “Who was it?”

I feel a little bead of sweat and I ask, “What will happen to them?”

“They’ll be defanged and dehorned for real.” The spy says surprisingly quickly. “Then banished to the tunnels we keep sealed. The whole tribe will move somewhere new so even if they somehow dig through the cave-in they won’t be able to find us again.”

I swallow and wonder if that’s a death sentence. “I, it’s the thing is…I couldn’t see them” I laugh way too lightly for the gravity of the situation. “I, I couldn’t tell you who it was, it happened so fast.”

I don’t actually remember I’m just trying to give San time, ‘if he’s smart he’s running, I fell from the steep cliff and he should know that the human world is that way. Oh please tell me he’s smart enough to run.’

The spy smells bull right away, “He’s lying for San…again.” 

I feel like I’m wilting from the disapproval in his voice until he gives a sigh that sounds almost soft hearted. He thinks I’m just trying to be a good person but I swear something is wrong, something is off about the story I’m so close to remembering I just need a few more of those missing pieces. 

I tense. “It’s not San.” I hiss. I feel like the words are so true and so, so believable but there’s a tingle of doubt in the back of my brain almost like that’s what we had been talking about before…before what?

The spy puts a comforting hand on my shoulder, “He wants to go up top and he went to you for help more than likely, but you told him no because well you want to stay here. So then he forced you to help him in a way, by getting himself banished for hurting you.” 

I grit my teeth realizing but still resisting the inevitable. San did want to go up top; he'd said something really damning too. About…not wanting to be-

I snap my head up, “Kris?”

The confused huh of the chief almost makes me laugh. 

“Has anyone checked on him?” I don’t know where the heck this is coming from. I stand and the spy grabs my wrist. “One of you go check on him and come back I need to know if he’s okay.”

“Ray?” The spy is holding me close and then shakes me bringing me back. 

“Who’s Kris?” The Chief asks and I flush.

“I, I meant Kal.”

I feel like I’ll burst into flames from the intensity of the stares.

“Kris is one  of the humans that’s been looking for him.” The spy explains and my head pops up, “He’s been looking for me?” I ask with a lopsided grin breaking through the anxiety and making me feel like the sun came out. 

“Yeah the spy says with amusement then leans down and whispers, “And it’s been really annoying throwing him off our scent-wouldn’t want to have to hurt him.”

My smile falls, “Wait why, he wouldn’t-”

“He gives me strong rule-following vibes, I’m sure he’d get authorities involved if he thought it would help.” The spy dismisses.

“I’m never getting the authorities involved again!” Kris exclaims