CW: suicide mention

On her first day in the hospital, Natsume spent most of it resting on the bed. She could feel the pain from her injuries subsiding rather quickly, but she was still a bit weak to move around. The girl didn’t need to go anywhere though, as a strange lime-like creature, presumably the nurse, brought her a nice meal. During all that time, Natsume could only think about the conversation she had with Elima and her last words. Still, she couldn’t believe anything good will come out by facing that pain directly.

The following day, she felt a bit better and could walk, even though slowly. For that reason, Natsume left her room and walked down to the garden inside the hospital. There were a lot of bushes, flowers of all colors and benches to sit down. There were other creatures as well, but most didn’t look like participants of the tournament, as there were also older-looking ones or creatures with babies on their extremities. The places was peaceful and silent, even though the kingdom was still crowded with the celebrations for the tournament. For Natsume, it felt like all that was very far away. However, not being able to train, she couldn’t distract herself and her mind always went back to the incident in the previous battle and Elima’s conversation.

-Is she… right?- wondered Natsume to herself. -Am I actually… running away? But… from what? I know the bad things I’ve done, and… there isn’t any way to fix anything… right?

Natsume was deep in her thoughts until she heard a familiar voice.

-Hey, pal, you better share some snacks, ya know?

Shocked, Natsume walked stealthily and hid behind some bushes. The girl leaned out her head a bit and found out Life Eater sitting on a bench, with his dussel-bag next to them and a small version of L.E.. coming out of it. The kid had a small packet of snacks on their hands.

-Yeah, yeah, don’t worry. There you go- said Life Eater as they threw a snack in the air and L.E. caught it with zir mouth.

Natsume panicked. As she saw them both, the memories from the fight came back to her. She was really close to harming them badly, but seeing the bandages both Life Eater and L.E. had around them, it was clear she harmed them enough. Natsume panted.

-OK… OK… I just… need to avoid them...- murmured Natsume to herself.

-Oh, really? And how are ya gonna do that?

-I just need to crouch and go behind the bushes. They won’t notice me- explained Natsume.

-Sounds like a plan. Follow me, I know the path.

-Oh, thanks...- said Natsume.

As she turned around, she found a worm with big teeth in front of her face. With a snarky smile, ze said:

-Got ya!

L.E. grabbed Natsume by her white dress and hung her in the air. In the meanwhile, the worm next to Life Eater exclaimed happily:

-Hey, Life! Look at the snack I just caught! Ha, ha, ha!

-Drop me down! Drop me down!- exclaimed Natsume nervously.

Despite L.E.’s happiness, the kid remained quite serious. Then, they slapped the worm next to them.

-Bad L.E. That’s no way of treating her. Leave her on the ground now- scolded Life Eater.

Through clenched teeth, the worm released Natsume and she fell on the ground. Her butt hurt for the impact. Life Eater stood up, approached her and lent her a hand.

-Hi, Natsume. Are you all right?- asked Life Eater.

With sad face, Natsume took Life’s hand and stood up.

-I… I didn’t want to spy, just… I didn’t want to interrupt you… I better leave...- said Natsume with sadness.

-Don’t worry. Why don’t you seat with us? It will be nice to have extra company- said Life Eater.

Reluctantly, Natsume agreed and sat down next to Life Eater. They remained silent for a moment. The girl didn’t know what to say to them, but it was Life who began the conversation.

-You fought really well the other day- said Life Eater. -It has been a long time since we fought like that, right, L.E.?

-Yup, it was crazy!- exclaimed L.E. -You really put us against the wall… literally!

Natsume looked at them scared. They were injured and covered in bandages. She went crazy during that battle and harmed them a lot. How could they talk about it so lightly? The only thing Natsume could do was look down and shed some tears. Life Eater looked at her surprised.

-I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to… do that… I’m sorry...- apologized Natsume over and over.

Life Eater turned sad seeing the girl’s reaction. L.E., on zir part, was still laughing happily, until zir partner slapped zir again.

-Hey, relax… It wasn’t that bad- said Life Eater trying to comfort Natsume. -We have done worse things in our world… But I get it. When you harm others, even if just a little bit, even if you don’t have the intention… It’s painful that you can’t control it. We went through something like that when we met, isn’t that right?

-Yeah, I was a bit nuts back then- said L.E.

-Just “a bit”?- asked Life Eater with a snarky tone, making both of them laugh.

Natsume looked at them confused, still sobbing. Life Eater noticed her gaze.

-I know what you are thinking. “How can you be laughing like that then?”- said Life Eater. -We regret what we did and we try to do as much as we can to compensate and move forward.

Natsume looked down.

-Was it… that bad?- asked Natsume in low voice.

-Oh, are ya gonna tell her all that?- complained L.E.

-Are you getting shy?- asked Life Eater jokingly. Then, they looked at Natsume. -Well, things were very crazy at first.

“The first thing you should know is… I have no memories. One day, I woke up in the middle of a desert, not knowing who I was or how I got there. The only thing next to me was this dussel-bag… and L.E. inside it. L.E. was… quite angry and crazy back then. Ze was always mocking me and complaining. I just ignored zir, even tried to leave zir behind… But ze would always appear next to me the next morning. I believed ze chased me, but ze always assured me ze didn’t want to be with me.

I found out that world was… chaotic. Everybody did anything they could to survive, even if it meant taking other creatures’ lifes. And when it came to that… L.E. was an expert. We would go on a rampage, devastating everything and everybody. I was horrified every time that happened. No matter how many times I asked zir to stop or how much I begged… Ze continued like that, laughing like a maniac. We brought disaster everywhere we went… and people began calling me Life Eater”.

-Wow… That sounds… horrible...- murmured Natsume. -I didn’t know… there were worlds like that… Did you feel bad?

-Bad? I told you: I was horrified- assured Life Eater. -Causing pain wherever you go… It was a nightmare every day and night. I was getting really desperate, but L.E. didn’t seem to care.

“I tried again to abandon zir in all possible ways. I would leave zir in the middle of the desert, I would leave it inside a train, I would even threw in inside a cliff! I know, that was horrible, but… I wanted to get rid of zir. But it never mattered: the next morning, it was next to me. I was in a lot of pain. I came to a crazy conclusion: the only way to stop all that, the only to stop L.E. causing more damage was… taking my own life”.

Natsume gasped in shock and looked at Life Eater, who looked down sadly.

-Yeah, I know. Quite harsh, right? But it made sense- explained Life Eater. -L.E. was somehow bound to me, so as long as I existed, ze could harm others so… One day, I took a knife, walked a bit away and… tried to do it.

-What… what happened?- asked Natsume with a mix of worry and horror.

-Actually… L.E. stopped me!- exclaimed Life Eater. -We fought a lot that night, me trying to kill myself, zir trying to stop me… And after that, I… I opened up. I told zir how horrified I was at all the pain ze caused and how lonely I felt… and that’s when ze opened up.

“In fact, L.E. was actually as desperate as I was. Zir whole existence had been like that, trapped inside that bag, appearing next to creatures who rejected zir over and over. Apparently, being thrown in a cliff was not the worse thing ze suffered. And still, ze would always survived, ze would always appear again. So instead of hoping that someone would accept zir one day, ze became the destructive creature everybody believed ze was. But apparently… I was the first one who actually tried to take their own life because of zir. For the first time, we sat down… and talked. We talked as much as we needed, we talked about our worries and hopes and reasons to live, we understood each other and the pain we suffered… We accepted each other and decided to collaborate to fix everything bad we did. We decided not to follow the rules of that chaotic world, and instead, try to bring hope to creatures instead of despair. It’s not easy, but it’s our commitment”.

When they finished their story, Life Eater caressed the worm that was outside the bag, turning zir back on them as ze was ashamed of the story. Natsume felt sad.

-You went through a lot...- muttered Natsume. -Do you really believe… you can fix everything you did? After all the pain you caused, after your life… was ruined… how can you really believe that?

Life Eater giggled a bit.

-Yeah, in our heads, it’s easy to believe we are doomed, that there is no hope… But when you understand your emotions and what you want to do with your live… it’s better to move forward and do what you can instead of giving up. That’s what I believe- answered Life Eater with a smile.

Their words made Natsume thoughtful. They were similar to what Elima said, that there could be a way to fix her mistakes. But somehow, she couldn’t see how she could fix anything. Then, she realized something.

-Wait… your wish then… was to fix everything you did?- asked Natsume shocked.

-Well, yeah- affirmed Life Eater. -When that MAI appeared and offered us a wish, we saw it as a big chance to fix everything.

That didn’t make Natsume feel better. In fact, she turned sadder.

-So… you had this good wish and I… I took it away from you...- said Natsume with tears in her eyes. -In comparison, my wish is… selfish and painful, but… I just can’t think of anything else…

Life Eater felt pity for the girl and posed their hand on her shoulder.

-You are being too harsh on yourself. Trust me, I know from experience- said Life Eater. -Maybe you should think of what is causing that pain. Once you find that out, I think you will have a new perspective of things and will know how to move forward. Just take it easy.

-But what about you?- asked Natsume. -Your wish…

-We don’t need a wish. We can fix things on our own. Sure, everything would be better with a wish but… putting your heart onto something, learning along the way… I think that’s more satisfying. Don’t you think?

With those last words, Life Eater stood up and took the dussel-bag with L.E. The worm turn around and looked at Natsume.

-Hey, girl! No remorse, got it?- exclaimed L.E. -We’ll be cheering on ya, so ya better make a big show and win!

-Good luck out there, Natsume- said Life Eater. -I hope we meet again before this is over.

Saying that, the duo left walking through the garden and left Natsume alone on the bench.

-What… is causing me this… pain?- murmured Natsume.

Something came to her mind. Those horrible words “Just one fail… and you’re out…” repeated on her head and made her tremble.

-Losing… is painful...- muttered Natsume to herself.

Then, Natsume stood up and returned slowly to her room. She spent the rest of the day on the bed, trying to sleep even with her constant nightmares. On the next day, she woke up and began to prepare for her next fight, but there was a parcel on the chair next to her bed with a note on it. Natsume read it:

“Dear Natsume:

Your clothing was a bit torn after the last battle. Since you got this far, you are allowed for a moderate “upgrade” of your clothing, so I asked someone to prepare something similar to your old outfit, but adapted to the challenges ahead. I wish you good luck in your path ahead. Best wishes,

Elima”.

Natsume opened the parcel and found inside some new clothing. It looked similar to her previous sweater, but it felt sturdier and had “SO DEAD” on the back with perfect embroidery. The soccer sneakers were upgraded with some metal plates, but they felt really light. The girl looked at her new outfit with kindness and said:

-Elima… thank you…

A while later, all the kingdom was gathered at the same arena the last round took place. Everybody was excited for the new battles coming, and Pristille was floating around on her platform.

-Heeeeeeello everybody!- greeted Pristille with excitement, causing the audience to roar. -Here we are again, at the quarterfinals of the Guardian Clash Tournament! The previous round was full of exciting battles and only the best ones could proceed to this next challenge. Let me introduce you the current participants!

One by one, different creatures proceeded into the battleground as Pristille introduced them. Natsume was among the group, and she noticed that the mysterious White Fur had advanced as well.

-The next one: someone full of mystery, not even their eyes have been seen so far! But be careful: this participant is as fast and dangerous as mysterious! Welcome… White Fur!

White Fur walked towards the center of the ground and met the other participants.

-And finally, the last one, the rising star in this tournament. Don’t be misjudged by her frail looks, this girl will claim victory with nails and teeth. The gloomy fighter with strong kicks… Natsume “Nightstriker” Kumojima!

As she heard her name, Natsume walked outside, surrounded by the ovation of the audience. She then noticed:

-Wait, how did she got my nickname? Damn...- complained Natsume.