Natsume sobbed. She couldn’t see her friend at the other side, but if she had, the girl would have seen Sacchan’s horrified face.

-That’s… that’s what happened to you?- asked Sacchan in shock. -I… I didn’t know! How could your dad be so horrible? Why didn’t you tell me all this before? I could have helped you!

-How?- asked Natsume sobbing. -You couldn’t do anything. My dad was always like that. He was always so absent, he never cared about me, but suddenly, he would complain out of nowhere and made decisions without caring about others. Not even my mom can make him change his mind. I… I didn’t want to worry you with something you couldn’t help with.

Sacchan rested her head on the wall. Somehow, she knew her friend was right. At that moment, she felt powerless because there was no way of fighting her dad in that situation. And still, she felt guilty.

-See? Then it’s all my fault...- said Sacchan.

-I told you, it’s not. How can you think that after telling you all this?- asked Natsume.

-But it’s true. If I hadn’t been in the middle back then, you could have gotten the ball and you would have stayed in the club- said Sacchan with sadness. -It was my fault that you were kicked out, it was my fault that you lost your dream.

Natsume wanted to protest, but she froze.

-Wait, dream? What are you talking about? What dream?- asked Natsume confused.

-It’s so obvious. You were the best in the team. You had all the talent to become professional. That’s why you didn’t want to leave the team, right? You wanted to be a professional player.

Natsume heard all that, but in her head, Sacchan’s words made no sense.

-What is she talking about?- wondered Natsume to herself. -Me, professional? I… I never thought… No, that’s not what I wanted…

-You know, I heard you talking to your commander. You told her. “I lost the only reason I had to keep going”- continued Sacchan.

-Wait, I said that, but… but I didn’t mean being professional… but then, why? I can’t understand- wondered Natsume as she struggled to understand.

-It is my fault that you lost your dream and got in all those problems- said Sacchan with sadness. -Soccer was your life and I took it from you.

Her words rushed through Natsume’s mind. They sounded weird, strange, nonsensical… “Soccer, my life?”, thought Natsume, knewing that was… a lie. Understanding that, she screamed:

-I DON’T LIKE SOCCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!

That scream felt like removing a clog from her throat. Natsume panted, but she felt relieved. On the other side, Sacchan was shocked at that scream.

-What… what do you mean?- asked Sacchan. -Please, don’t try to lie to me…

-I’m not lying!- exclaimed Natsume. -I don’t like soccer! I mean, it’s not that I don’t like it, I like playing, it’s fun! But I don’t “like like” it, I don’t love it! Sometimes it doesn’t even make sense to me, running around in shorts after a ball…

-Wait… are you serious?- asked Sacchan. -But… what about all those times we played together?

-I had fun! I liked that! I enjoyed playing all this time, but it’s not that important for me!- exclaimed Natsume, but didn’t seem enough for Sacchan.

-What about all the matches and tournaments we played? What about all our trainings?- asked Sacchan frustrated. -You didn’t like that!

-I’m telling you, I liked all that!- insisted Natsume.

-Then why? Why did you play something you didn’t like? Why have you been playing with me all this time? Why did you play with me that first time?- exclaimed Sacchan.

At that moment, Natsume realized something. She saw something in her mind, a faint image, of herself and Sacchan as children, playing soccer together.

-What… what did you just say?- asked Natsume in shock.

-I asked why you played with me that first time- repeated Sacchan frustrated.

Little by little, Natsume could see it clearly. A memory that remained in the deepest part of her heart for so long. A memory that she hadn’t recalled until that time. That first time they played… and why she played it.

-Because… it was you...- answered Natsume.

-What? What do you mean?- asked Sacchan.

-I didn’t play because I liked soccer. I played because… I wanted to know you. I wanted to get close to you. I… I wanted you in my life...- said Natsume slowly.

Nobody said anything else. Both were shocked by Natsume’s words.

-I… I don’t… understand...- muttered Sacchan.

-I know. You didn’t know me before that moment. But my life before you appeared was… very different- said Natsume.

“When I was a child, I didn’t have any friends. I didn’t like boys, I always found them… weird and even repulsing. I wanted to play with the other girls, but I was always nervous. For me, the other girls looked so cute and shiny and sparkling… I always got nervous and had a hard time talking to them. Because of that, they found me weird and didn’t want to play with me. In the end… I was alone. My mom and the teachers didn’t know what to do with me and my dad never cared about my happiness and troubles. I tried different things, even therapy, but nothing. So in the end, I accepted that was my life, that I would be alone forever.

I got used to that, but I felt the world around me was always… cloudy, with no color. It wasn’t sad, just… apathetic. There was nothing exciting and nothing caught my attention. I just lived my live as I could. That was until the summer before 5^th grade. I remember I was in my room. I had to write the summer diary like every year. I passed through the pages and all looked the same.

-Nothing happened… nothing happened… nothing happened- I said looking at each page. -So today… nothing happened again…

As I was about to write that, my mom called me.

-Natsume, can you come down here?- asked my mom from the first floor.

-Why?- I asked.

-I want you to meet someone- said my mom.

I didn’t get it, but I went downstairs and there was a lady I had never seen: your mom.

-Hi, Natsume!- said my mom. -Look, this is miss Hiraoka. Her husband is a friend from your dad and they just moved to the house next door. Say hi!

I shyly waved my hand.

-Oh, what a cute little girl!- exclaimed your mom. -My daughter is around your age as well. Come on, Sachiko, say hi!

And that was when we first met. You looked so… cute. You wore a white shirt and a skirt with pink and white squares. You had such tiny pigtails, and your eyes… They were so bright. I… I was marveled. I felt something warm in my heart.

-H… Hi...- I said shyly.

-Hi...- you said back then.

-Well, now you have a friend to play- said your mom, while mine simply giggled nervously.

Our mothers talked a bit more, but all I wanted was looking at you. And then, you left. My mom sighed.

-Don’t worry, Natsume- said my mom with sadness. -I won’t force you try again… Hey, where are you going?

-I forgot something. I’m coming back- I said as I run upstairs.

I rushed back to my desk and looked at the diary. There was just one thing I wanted to write:

“Dear diary,

Today I met someone special”.

Back then, I felt something that I had forgotten: the wish to meet someone. The wish to be close to another girl. I knew I wanted to know you more and play together, just… I didn’t know how. I asked my mom and tried to remember everything the grow-ups told me, but every time I saw you on the streets, I got nervous and hid. I was frustrated because I wanted to talk to you… but with every passing day, it seemed impossible. I was close of giving up when, one day, I was going back home from the store.

-Maybe I… I should forget it, but… I don’t want to… I want to… be with her- I muttered sadly.

I passed in front of the park close to our houses… and there you were. You stood alone in the middle of the park. I was nervous and hid behind a column, but I was excited.

-Oh my gosh, it’s her!- I exclaimed to myself. -OK, this is your chance, Natsume! There’s nobody else! Just walk to her and say “Hi!”. That’s how you begin to talk. Just go and… say something.

So I did. I walked to you. My legs were shaking like crazy and I was sweating a lot, but I resolved myself to do it. I walked to you and, with my stupid broken voice, I said:

-H… H… Hi!

You turned around. Just like always, you were so pretty.

-Oh, hi! You are… my neighbor, Natsume, right?- you said.

But then… I froze. I got nervous. I took that first step, but didn’t know what to say.

-Come on, don’t stop now!- I heard a voice in my head. -You did the hard part, just say something else!

But I didn’t know what to do… until I saw your hands. You were holding a soccer ball and it just occurred to me.

-Oh, do you like soccer?- I asked.

-Oh, yes- you said with a smile.

-Oh, what a coincidence! I like soccer too!- I exclaimed.

-Lieeeeeeeer!- screamed the voice in my head. -Why did you lie? Nobody asks you to play soccer and nobody passes you the ball at school! But OK, you just said it, just ask her!

-Ehm… do… do you want to… play with me?- I asked nervously.

I did it! I asked you! I couldn’t believe it! It was the first I could do it. Still, I was expecting the usual rejection when you said:

-Sure, let’s play together!

And that day was the happiest day in my life. We played around and I had so much fun. Not because of soccer, but because I was playing with you. After that, we began hanging out, and everyday I had even more fun than the previous one. With you, everything was amazing and beautiful. The streets I knew, the stores I visited… suddenly they all looked interesting and wonderful. The clouds left and the world was full of colors. And that was because… you were there.

Then we began school. You ended up in my class, but I thought you would prefer hanging out with other girls instead of me. I thought those wonderful days were over. However, you came to my desk and extended your hand to me.

-Come on, let me introduce you to the other girls!- you exclaimed with your bright smile.

And for the first time, I got to talk to the other girls! I was relaxed and happy and they saw I was normal! I began having more friends and my world expanded. And still, what made every moment special was that you were there with me. All I could think about was how wonderful it was to see you everyday and how much I wanted to meet again with you.

Soccer became one of the things that we did together. We played and trained a lot, we enjoyed it. We joined the soccer club and played matches and won tournaments! It was amazing. And again, it wasn’t the soccer, the exercise or the victories that made me have fun at soccer… It was you. Being on the field with you, knowing that we worked together and relied on each other… Both in the field and outside, I felt a bond with you that I never had with anybody. And I believed those days would last forever. I thought we would grow up and go to college together and do stuff together. That I could see you every single day of my life… but then…

-You are not joining the soccer club again.

When my dad said that, I was horrified. Because soccer was something important we shared. We first connected through soccer. And I thought, if I quit the club, we would spend less time together, and overtime, we would distance more and more… and one day, I would lose you. And I didn’t want to lose you. I wanted you to be part of my life. That’s why I made that stupid deal: I thought the only way we could stay together was by winning.

I worked so hard to avoid it. All I did was training and studying everyday. It felt like I was chasing you, that you were slipping through my fingers with no way to stop it. But it was the other way around: I was chasing an illusion and I was leaving you behind. I realized when I harmed you. You were there, on the grass, crying. I was horrified, I hated myself so much. How could I harm you? I never wished to do anything like that! And then, I saw your eyes… and understood. You hated me. You hated me for hurting you. As all of you left me alone in the field, I didn’t care about the club anymore… because I had already lost the reason to keep going with my life… I lost you and there was no way of getting you back. After that, nothing made sense anymore.

Why studying? I had no future without you.

Why going to school? I couldn’t even look at your face.

My parents getting angry? You already hated me, there was nothing worse than that.

And then, those nightmares… Every time I closed my eyes, that scene repeated over and over. Seeing your eyes hating me… I… I couldn’t sleep. That’s why I sneaked out at night. I hated myself so much that, when some punks mocked me, I unleashed my rage at them. I remember the first time the police took me back home. My mom cried and my dad was really mad. But I already knew, my life was over. There was nothing I could actually do. The only way to fix everything was… if I destroyed myself. That’s what I deserved. And then…

-So… you really have a wish then?

When Blitz appeared, offering me a wish, I saw it as a chance to do it. With no memories, I wouldn’t remember losing you or harming you. With no emotions, it wouldn’t hurt that you were not by my side. With no consciousness, I wouldn’t notice if you were there or not or how you looked at me. And with no will, I would never make another mistake and harm you. I convinced myself that was what I needed. I convinced myself that was what I wanted… But deep inside, deep inside… All I wanted was… to see your smile again. To greet you like every morning. To be with you again!”.