(Warning Cringey unedited content-traumatic back story implied???)

“I’m never getting the authorities involved again!” Kris exclaims squishing and twisting an abused pillow in frustration while pacing back and forth in front of the couch. Sarah lifts their head wearily looking like they’ve been crying for days and Kris hurries to comfort them. 

“Are you okay?!”

Sarah laughs humorlessly, “I’m not the one that was arrested for three days because I showed up at that boy’s father’s house to accuse him of murder!” 

Kris winces once again regretting the tension in their relationship due to all of this, “That boy’s name is Ray.” He says crouching, “I’m sorry though, I’m sorry for leaving you alone for so long.”

Sarah is already shaking their head, bringing their hands to their tear burned face, “No, no I’m sorry I’m just not feeling like myself lately. I’ve just realized after all of this that I’m a terrible, selfish person and you’re the-” They suck in a brief as their voice breaks, “I’m starting to wish we never met him, I, I got called a murder today, as well as some other things.” 

Kris burns with a steadily building fire of rage, and revenge he was going to get back anyone who hurt Sarah enough to make them cry. They were the strongest person he knew. 

“Who?” He demands.

“I lost my job-we lost our jobs, the cave doesn’t want any more negative publicity right now.”

Kris opens his mouth, that job was okay but it was everything to his partner. He, he needed to pull himself together and fix this with that he goes and then scoops up Sarah.

“What are you?!”

“I’ll fix this, you always say I’m good at fixing things.” He says happy go lucky and places them down in the bathroom.

“Kris…I just need some time without talk of plans or revenge or finding proof.”

“You’re right Sarah.” Kris whispers, kissing them gently, startling them. “I’ve been neglecting our relationship and ignoring the strain it’s been putting on you. I’m sorry.” He kisses them again, noticing them already calming down as tension leaves their shoulders. “I’m going to run you a bath, make you something to eat and then we can just cuddle the rest of the night.” Sarah nods slowly into his chest almost un-trustingly that he won’t go running off to search the caves again. 

“Then we can talk about what to do next,” Sarah says, “But you have to stay still and calm enough to hear MY plan, got it?” There’s an endearing smile in their voice. “And after you make us something to eat you’re joining me in the bath.”

Kris flusters until the pretendingly annoyed Sarah softly hits his chest where they can hear his heart pounding, “not like that, to relax. You need to take a break too.” 

Kris brings back two very fancy sandwiches and takes a bite out of Sarah’s before handing it to them. They notice and snort, glad that he was acting back to his own self and not frantic, guilty, constantly needing to be working on the “case” him. 

“So what was prison like?”

“It was a holding cell and the max amount of time they were allowed to hold me without a charge.” He huffs, always so insulted when his old passion was “used against him” like it was personal or something and not that he was constantly walking the line of the law.

Sarah starts laughing, “I can just picture him opening the door and you’re like-you!” They point aggressively in front of them.

“Hey hey now.” Kris says embarrassed, “I thought we weren’t going to talk about that right now?”

“Well I just can’t believe it, you somehow figured out where he lived and I’m just glad you didn’t hit him or anything.”

“I was tempted.” Kris confesses then quickly consoles, “But I know way better than that.”

Sarah lays their head back against the wall of the tub and looks pained for a second.

Kris jumps in, “I will get you a very, very similar job if not the same one back, I will pull every string and suck every-”

“Don’t you dare!” Sarah makes a face, “I swear I need to keep you on a leash.”

“Should I bark?” He teases. He can see that he’s successfully distracted them.

“Maybe we should watch a movie.” Sarah says slowly thoughtfully, “I feel like-” They look up and that strong look that Kris fell in love with comes back and the relaxed somewhat cocky smile returns, “I might as well enjoy my vacation away from work while I have it.” 

They start when he settles into the tub and he realizes how freaking amazing it feels. He sinks down with a moan. “I know I’m not supposed to talk about it and I won't,” He holds up his hand since he knows they are sometimes sensitive to motion, “It's more about my emotions and how I feel.”

Sarah waits and realizes they are waiting for permission to continue. “I do care about your emotions,” they say and then offer some comfort, “It’s not your fault and i, if he’s still alive you taking a day off to rest is going to be better for him then if you keep exhausting yourself like this.”

“You’re right I definitely caught up on sleep while in the holding cell as well as got some time to think.” He laughs and then wonders if he should share what he saw… ‘no not now what a stupid question. How could he tell them about the puddle of blood he’d found at the bottom of the cliff but no body.’ He had felt watched the whole time he was down there too. He remembers finding a shoe and his fists clench.

“I found proof that he’s alive.” He says very softly. “I can wait. I left some food in hopes he returns to the same spot and I left a braille note. I can wait.” He says again wanting to explain how absolutely amazing the cave was down there. An enormous beautiful open space with water that seemed to glow with the bioluminescent moss that grew in and around it. The cave seemed to house every glowworm and type of bioluminescent plant lichen, blue and green. He wanted to tell them that the fall should have killed Ray but apparently didn’t.

The glowing moss showed signs of being farmed and there were footprints in it far too large and far too human to be the types of animals that roamed those caves. That the tunnels seemed to actually move and change everyday. That the sound of someone breathing in the dark just out of his slowly worsening eyesight might be the reason he did something stupid and rushed and panicked because he was too scared to confront it and would rather throw accusations at Ray’s father. 

“It’s that bitch!” Sarah suddenly snarls, scaring the shit out of Kris.

He blinks and then laughs, “Yeah I don’t know why I ever suspected the dad, she has that crazy look.” He tilts his head, “But she pretty much confirmed it after I accused the father. She seemed pretty terrified when I explained how it happened and where. How did you know?”

“Don’t make fun of me but she. Smells. Crazy.”

Kris opens his mouth to laugh and then sees that Sarah looks disturbed.

“I can’t tell you how but I recognized the smell and it took me so long to-” They’re shaking and Kris lunges forward and holds them tightly, “Hey, hey you’re with me it’s okay you’re safe.”

“They smell just like him.” They look up at Kris eyes wide and back in a much, much darker time in their life, “That’s why I started telling you to stop, I’m worried that lady will, will kill you.” 

Kris holds them tightly, “Nobody can kill me, I’m too-” He stops himself from saying smart or big and strong not wanting to insult their deceased partner, “I’m too cheeky for that.” He chuckles, “And I’m not going to go near her anymore alright? I promise.” He kisses Sarah’s head until they stop shaking and then getting them out of the tub helps dry them off.

“Let’s watch that movie now?”

“What?” Their eyes are wide and they look far away, “Oh okay.” They say in a small voice.

Kris feels a little panicked. It's been so long since they’ve acted like this. He leads Sarah to the bedroom helping them get dressed and then turning to grab something tenses up hearing that cursed name.

“Paul?”

He turns knowing it’s not their fault they were doing so well it’s just the stress and being left alone and that lady. The horrible, evil lady. Sarah is shaking. 

“You’re not going to hurt me tonight, right?”

Kris trembles as he grits back any pain forcing his voice to be normal and smiles as a tear goes down his face, “Not ever, never. I would never.” 

Sarah relaxes and goes to lay on the bed and he stands there cursing that that psychopath had ever been allowed to take his first breath nonetheless get his hands on Sarah. He looks down wondering if he’d ever truly be dead with him haunting them like this. His fists clench and then he goes to the bed trying to ignore Sarah’s flinch. After a while he hears a sharp breath and they roll over. “Kris I’m sorry I didn’t realize I’d-” 

He pounces on them and they hug holding each other tightly even though it’s not his fault he apologizes and clenches them to himself probably too tightly. 

“I’m so sorry. I’m so, so, sorry.” If he’d known they’d been regressing…he’d have made sure to be with them, at least at night. 

They relax and play with his hair. 

“You always act so guilty whenever this happens,” They tease booping them on the nose. “It’s never your fault,” They sigh, more tired and thoughtful, “Turn on that movie I don’t want to be alone with my own thoughts.”

Kris turns on something and spends most of the time staring at Sarah watching for any signs that they are in pain or suffering. They raise an eyebrow and turn their head, “Do you mind.”

He leans forwards and they crawl into his arms. For a second nothing is said and then they both go back to the movie. “I’m sorry if I called you anything horrible.”

“You didn’t.” Kris sighs quickly into their hair and feels relief that it wasn’t one of those times.

“Kris I, I can tell you’re pretty hurt.”

“No,” he sighs with a soft kiss. “It’s just I got scared since it’s been so long and you called me by his name so…I feel like it’s my fault. That I stressed you to this point.”

“It’s that lady, that’s all and of course you know I handle murder and violence and stress very well, she was the only thing.” Sarah’s voice is stronger and they look up at Kris, “But maybe you can schedule an appointment with my therapist if that makes you feel better?”

“I will.” It does, it does make him feel better. Finally he’s able to relax again. 

“You should come too.” They say softly playing with his hair, “You’ve been dealing with too much guilt to be healthy.”

They snuggle and the warmth feels the room once again with the feeling of safety and love and Kris lets out a contented sigh. He nods. 

“Okay I’ll go.” They kiss softly for a second and he thinks about making a stupid joke. 

Sarah grins, “But if you tell him any of those awful shrink jokes he’ll need a therapist.” Kris gasps dramatically, snuggling closer than what could be comfortable but Sarah doesn’t move an inch. 

“I thought you liked those jokes.”

“Shhh, don’t you tell on me, I only laughed out of shock, he’s a good therapist!”

“Yes he is.” Kris says suddenly serious, “Especially since he’s so small.”

“Kris!!!” Sarah throws their head back arm over their eyes groaning, “please for the love of respecting people.”

He laughs maniacally and then whispers a few new good ones he thought of not wanting to annoy Sarah too much but then they cover his mouth and he knows he’s done. He turns to the movie murmuring in Sarah’s ear making them giggle and smile. He feels even more relief now. Maybe he would benefit from talking to the therapist he realizes. He’d like reassurance that he’s doing everything he can for them and that he’s still doing everything right. He closes his eyes and finds himself nodding off. 

Sarah looks back as they hear his breathing deepen into sleep and then carefully unwraps their intertwined body parts to get up. They go to the backporch and sit looking up at the night sky, the stars blur with the ever blinding glare but it's pretty. Kris always calls them the strongest person he knows but they've never actually told him everything yet. Because deep down how could they? Kris thinks they're awesome and smart and cool.

He understands that they had a psychotic ex at one point and that, that ex had been possessive and abusive even murdering Sarah's sweet, soft boyfriend who'd been unlucky enough to fall in love with them. They sigh and then making themselves a cup of coffee and go get their tablet. The settings make it so they can almost see enough to write on it. Kris had never read it they knew this because they sent up a notification on their watch if the tablet was ever logged into or touched.

Leftover paranoia which would probably never go away but Kris wasn't at all hurt by Sarah's distrust at times. Hell sometimes he treated it like a game a challenge at how unbothered he could be. They bet they could hold a knife to his neck and he'd just smile up at them expectantly. They push down the weird feeling they get in their stomach at that image in their head.

He only gets hurt when they call him the ex's name. They sigh rubbing their hands over their face and through their hair. After writing what they remember from the relaspe they make sure to write about everything they could think might have caused it leading up to it. The needle marks and bruises and signs of self-harm all over Ray. They could see some things like his arm when they held it right up to their face especially in darker enviroments where the glare wasn't that bad.

Ray reminded them a little bit of their previous boyfriend, they made up some bull about having a younger brother, they didn't have any siblings thank goodness. A part of Sarah wanted nothing to do with him because of that only for him to be murdered as well. They stop as they start tearing up and force themselves to use the techniques the therapist gave them to calm down. Kris said he had proof Ray was alive they remind themselves and he'd never lie about that.

They chew their lip as they write about the step mother, how a cold prickle went down their spine as their senses tried to reject what they were hearing and smelling. Sarah sips on the coffee finding immediate comfort. Their ex hadn't allowed them things like this, stimulants, they didn't want them functioning on a full amount of sleep either. Permanately fucking up their circadian rhythm and somehow not their metabolism though they had tried.

Kris used to worry about the random cat naps they'd take and how they couldn't seem to sleep longer than four hours but he had a long talk with their therapist and calmed way the heck down. Poor thing got his ass chewed about how him pressuring them to sleep was actually making things take longer to heal. He'd realized that he needed to be more careful from that point on too.

Despite his anxious energy he had a calming effect over Sarah no matter how unhealthy their habits were he'd just ask if he could help and then ignore it if not. His obviously faked but yet still some type of disinterest really began to make the hardest things easier.

They mess with the knife they kept on them at all times. But not everything was easier. They really needed to get the truth off their chest but what if it ruined everything?