July 26, 18XX

She didn’t come. Vivian didn’t return. It’s been a week since she promised to come. She promised!

July 27, 18XX

Just as I thought, she won’t come. I know. Because she knows I need her, but she doesn’t need me. But it’s okay.

Today, Collin and Lily were shouting a lot outside. Did they see some kind of insect?

Later in the evening, my younger brother told me that, like the game animals my father brings back, it would be better if I were dead. That way, I’d be useful. Maybe he’s right, but I don’t want to die… The dead game my father brings doesn’t look happy. But it doesn’t look sad either… Strange.

July 28, 18XX

Maybe I should create an imaginary friend?
I remember when a child from my distant childhood used to talk to someone named "Lorrie." It looked creepy and strange from the outside, as if he was talking to a ghost. But he seemed to have fun… I think?

Honestly, I’ve always wanted a twin. Someone who would love the same things as me but react to them differently. Then we’d have things to talk about, maybe even argue over.

July 30, 18XX

Actually, having an imaginary friend is pretty fun. Though it feels like a one-actor play. I just get into the role and respond to myself. I think about how “my twin” would react, how she would think, how she’d express herself. But after a while, my head starts to hurt. Enough, I won’t answer for her anymore. I’ll just talk.

Even the fact that someone is “listening” is better than nothing.