Chapter 90

Sep 05, 2023

“Haa... So comfy.”

Cassis’ bed far exceeded my expectations and was softer than the one in my room. Or perhaps it only seemed that way like how the grass always seems greener on the other side. Whatever it was due to, it felt incredibly nice on my back. Then I shifted a bit to lie on my side.

For some reason, I always became overwhelmingly drowsy after receiving energy from Cassis. He played innocent, but I was certain that my sleeping so much had something to do with him. There was a subtle fragrance in the bedding. It reminded me of him. I buried my face in the soft sheets since his scent had a way of soothing me.

Even back at the Agrece mansion, just thinking about him would help me relax. It almost had a healing effect on me. That was how I felt in his bed at that moment. Still, I had to wonder how that could be when we had only spent a month together three years ago.

Sure, it had been an intense month, but even so... It truly was a mystery how he could make me feel that way, but then again, there were so many things in this fictional world that I couldn’t quite understand. I decided to just let it be and accept the fact that there were some matters that went beyond my comprehension.

All that thinking had made my eyelids feel heavy, so I decided to take a nap until the room’s owner made his return. All the tension seemed to drain from my body as I drifted.

* * *

Perhaps because of that meeting I had with the Blue Master, I dreamt about my last night at the Black compound. It was a long, unwelcome trek back down memory lane. I was back in Lante’s office. The air was frosty with a heavy scent of toxic herbs mixed with... something else. It was a fresh smell that was entirely different from the fumes of the Agrece master’s narcotics. Then I remembered. I was drinking wine while wearing Cassis’ cloak. It was the same one he had draped over my shoulders at Yggdrasil.

I was sitting in there after disbanding the Black army, then telling Jeremy to evacuate the caretakers and bystanders to the annex. As I sat in the dark, the heavy door opened, and in came Deon. Even in that dim moonlight, I couldn’t miss his burning red gaze. I just sat there as he trudged toward me.

For some reason, I can’t remember if I watched him approach me that night or if I kept my eyes trained on the ground. Either way, in that dream it was the latter. Something suddenly felt cold. I wasn’t sure, but it felt like a frozen hand was lightly caressing my face. It was a coldness I knew all too well. But that couldn’t be. Deon had never shown me an ounce of affection before. We never had that sort of relationship. And just as I would never permit him to do such a thing, I also knew he would never take the liberty to even try.

When I woke up, I kept wondering how to make the puzzle fit together. The sun had set and left me surrounded in darkness. There was a figure among the shadows that I could barely make out.

“Ah...” My instincts told me that fate had found me at last. Then probably because I was still half asleep, I said the last name that was on my mind. “Deon...?”

The hand on my cheek suddenly stopped moving. The truth seemed to dawn on me just a beat too late. Once I was wide awake, I noticed that it was Cassis who had finally returned to his room.

“Did you just say ‘Deon’?” His low voice dropped heavily compared to the last time I had heard him speak, and the cold air he brought with him from outside seemed to pierce through me. By then, he had withdrawn his hand entirely.

“I’ve never once thought we shared any resemblance to one another...” As Cassis looked down at me his gaze felt as cold as the northern winds. “Well, I must admit I can’t understand why you would utter his name. Especially while you’re sleeping in my room.”

Cassis tried to make light of the situation, but his timing was a little too late. Even with my eyes still heavy with sleep, I could see that his smile was forced. I stared at him a moment longer, then exhaled slowly as I sat up. My mouth felt as dry as a desert, so the words coming up from my throat were raspy like sandpaper.

“I... must’ve mistaken you for him in my sleep.” I had hoped Cassis would be satisfied with that explanation, but it didn’t seem to work. “I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“You know, you called me by his name back at Yggdrasil as well.” He was right. It was late into the second night of the gathering when I had gone out for a walk because I couldn’t sleep.

Just as he said, I had called him Deon and even scolded him thinking he was my half-brother. But that was also just a simple mistake. After all, I hadn’t seen Cassis in three years. Besides, it was pitch black at the time, which made it nearly impossible to tell who he was.

“You must have dreamt about Deon.” Cassis’ voice sounded dry as he made the observation. The situation was clearly getting out of hand, but I sensed that nothing I could say would effectively explain what I was feeling inside, so I decided to stay silent.

When it seemed like nothing else could be done, I tried to get up, but he placed his hand over mine and held me in place. I laid there prone while he was practically on top of me. I flinched involuntarily as he leaned in even closer, which almost gave me the sensation of being trapped.

“Have you been waiting for Deon all this time?” His golden eyes swept over me like an arctic sheet of ice.

I bit down on my lip gently while trying to wriggle free from his grip, but to no avail. In a way, his reaction was understandable. Even to my ears, the way my voice had whispered Deon’s name was akin to the sound of yearning. Still, I knew that wasn’t the case, and I couldn’t care less what Cassis thought.

I had merely grown curious as to what had become of my nuisance of a half-brother after I had last seen him that fateful night. Was he alive? Dead? I felt a sort of inevitability that were he alive... he would find me somehow no matter where I tried to run. So when I awoke and saw a dark figure hovering over me, I was momentarily confused that my nemesis had come to take my life. That was the real reason his name had tumbled from my lips.

“Of course not.”

If anything, it was despair that filled my heart. The truth behind why I had held back from accepting the spot Cassis offered me at his side as my final resting place was simply because I could not shake the feeling that my life would one day come to an end at Deon’s hand.

“There’s definitely something curious about you two’s relationship.” His voice fell cold and heavy on my ears. “Since leaving your home, you never once asked about anyone except Lante. I would have remembered if you mentioned Deon.”

He stared at me intently as if he was trying to pinpoint even the smallest weakness in my defense.

“You do remember what I told you that night, don’t you? That everything...” The air suddenly seemed to grow heavier as his cadence slowed down. “...was taken care of like you wanted.”

The implication was not lost on me, but even so, I still wasn’t sure how to react. That was because I still wasn’t sure if I even wanted Deon to be dead or not.

“Do you want to go back to the Black territory?” he asked in an almost whisper as his hand held mine down even more tightly. He was close enough that the slightest tilt of my head would have made our lips touch. “You should know that I will never let you go.”

Upon hearing those words, my heart skipped a beat.