And then it happened.

I don’t exactly know how it happened, but I’m not mad.

Okay, context.

It was a regular day at school, and Mara and I were talking. We had gotten a lot closer, and I was still basically in love with him. And I still hadn’t brought up his comment on my legs.

“Hey, do you wanna hang out today?” he asked.

“Sure. Where are you thinking?”

“I wanted to do something more relaxed, more time for talking. Can we…go to your house?”

“Course, but why mine?”

“Um…my parents probably wouldn’t…appreciate it? It’s just…some things happened not too long ago with a ‘friend’ who…it’s really messy. They’re still not over it, so I don’t think going to mine would be a good idea.”

“Oh, okay. We can go to mine, no problem.”

So, we went to my house. It all started out pretty normal. We were talking about schoolwork, that new restaurant, the dog that kept trying to lick me–normal stuff. But when Mom left for work, I asked, “What did you mean when you said I had nice legs?”

“You remember that?” After a pause, he groaned. “Of course you remember that.”

I blinked expectantly at him.

After seeing I wouldn’t leave it alone, he covered his face with his hands like he did the first time. “Um…they’re a nice feature on you.”

“And what does that mean?”

He sighed. “You see, Jiyuru, when there’s someone that you think is…attractive…other parts of the person are also…attractive.”

“You think I’m attractive?”

“...Yes.”

I blushed, although I couldn’t help but mentally question his taste.

“I’m sorry…I made this super weird, didn’t I?”

I fidgeted with my sleeve. “Um…not really. I mean…I think you’re pretty attractive too.”

His eyes widened. “You do?”

I nodded shyly.

There was a bit of silence that Mara soon broke. “When you say you think I’m attractive, does that mean you’re attracted to me…say, romantically?”

I nodded again.

“I…feel the same way,” he said.

I looked at him, surprised. “You do?”

“Yes!”

Again, I don’t know how it happened, but suddenly we were kissing.

I hadn’t done it before, but Mara was patient with me. And he seemed way better at it. When I finally got the hang of it, I didn’t really have to think about it anymore. But then Kailee walked into the living room.

We froze like deer in headlights.

Awkwardly, she said, “Mom’s gonna be home in a few, but you have at least ten more minutes? Um…I’m just gonna…” She promptly went back to her room.

Laughing embarrassedly, we pulled away from each other.

“Um…I guess…you should probably go soon?”

“Yeah, probably…”

I followed him to the door, and he leaned in for another kiss before walking out. “See you tomorrow, Jiyuru.”

“See you tomorrow, Mara.”

~.~

“Are you ready for your surgery today, Jiyuru?”

I looked up, startled. “Uh, yeah, Mom. Sorry, I didn’t hear you come in.”

She sat next to me on my bed. “I get quiet when I’m excited. So, the doctors–”

“I know, Mom. I know what to tell them.”

“Perfect.” She beamed at me.

Something inside of me hurt at fooling my mother, but at least I didn’t lie. I knew what to say…it just wasn’t what she wanted.

At the hospital, I was quickly ushered into a private room with some of the doctors and nurses.

The head surgeon had kind gray eyes and strange pink hair. Strange in that it wasn’t a different color at the roots. His hair was naturally tickle-me-pink. “Jiyuru, do you want this surgery?”

I took a deep breath. “No.”

He nodded understandingly. “We’ll break the news to your mother. Depending on how she reacts, we might be forced to call in Child Services.” He handed me a business card. “Don’t be afraid to reach out whenever.”

However, my mother walked out the same way she came in–with an intersex child. 

That lasted until we were ten minutes away from the hospital.

“How could you? You made me sound like a bad mother!”

“Um, but they said you took the news really well…”

I shrunk away from her glare.

“And you disobeyed me. In front of respectable people. Unlike…”

Unlike me…

She pulled over to the side of the road. “Get out.”

I began unbuckling my seat belt.

“Not even gonna fight back?” she asked coldly.

I shrugged. “I guess not.”

She didn’t say anything else as I stepped out of the car, although I could tell she was seething. I stood, my back to the car as it drove away.

It was cold.

It had gone from fairly breezy to quite chilly, and it was dark out. It wasn’t just the weather that caused me to cross my arms over my chest. Although, the weather caused it.

My phone dinged. It was Kailee.

“Hey. I’m so sorry. I’ll text you when it’s okay to come back. Text Mara, okay?”

Okay, I replied. It’s not your fault.

She responded with a bunch of heart emojis.

I texted Mara.

Hey, do you mind if I come over? Things didn’t go so well…

“Of course!! Here’s my address”

He sent it. It was only a few blocks away from here.

But a few blocks seemed a lot when it was dark and I had no clue where I was going.

I kept my head down and walked quickly. Under the streetlamp light, it wasn’t hard to notice the stares I got from darker-skinned passersby.

It would be great if I didn’t know everything Mara had told me. Then I could just chalk it up to me looking ugly, not because I’m pale AND ugly.

It was a relief when I finally made it to his doorstep.

I shyly knocked.

The door cautiously opened. A dark-skinned woman peered at me suspiciously. “What do you want?”

“Um, I’m looking for Mara?”

“Wrong house,” she said, closing the door.

I turned. “I could’ve sworn I was at the right address.”

Another breeze blew, and I shivered violently.

The woman sighed. “Child, why are you out here without proper clothes? Get in here.”

I faced her. “No, I’m sorry. I–”

“Don’t start with me. Get. In. Here.”

I meekly obeyed.

She ordered me to sit down, then brought me a blanket.”Do you think you have the wrong address?”

“I might? The only other address is all the way across town. An e not an a.” I kept checking my phone, hoping Kailee would text me.

“Does he make that mistake often?”

I think I looked as confused as I was because she rephrased her question. “Does he mess up his texts often?”

“Oh, no. And if he does, he always corrects it. I must’ve gone to the wrong address somehow. Or he was busy and autocorrect changed it to Meekner with an e.”

She sighed. “No, you’re at the right address.”

“Really? But you said–”

“I lied. It’s not easy to trust strangers on the street.”

I flushed embarrassedly. “Sorry.”

“Mara’s running an errand for me right now. Why are you here to see him? And so late too.”

“Oh…” I tried to think quickly. “To talk, I guess. Also, I needed a place to stay until my sister texts me. Hopefully soon.”

She didn’t press. “I’ll get you a cup of tea. He should be back soon.”

She went to the kitchen, and I looked around their house. It was small but cozy. The scent of a floral candle permeated the house, itself encased in a serene glow emanating from the fireplace.

I wonder if I’d get an A in Grammar for that description.

The lock clicked, Mara stepping inside. He was definitely dressed better than I was.

His eyes immediately landed on me. He walked over to me, gave me a hug and a kiss, and asked, “How are you doing?”

“I’m tired. A little scared. Kinda cold. Happy you’re here.”

He pulled me into him. “What happened at the hospital?”

“It was great until we were ten minutes into the drive home. Then she said something about me embarrassing her and told me to get out of the car. Kailee says she’ll text me when it’s okay to go home. That’s all.”

Mara slowly rubbed my back. Mom used to do that to me when the five of us lived together. I didn’t even realize I was crying until he wiped a tear off my face.

“That’s all, huh? Sounds like a lot.”

Then his mom walked back into the living room.

Why do people keep walking in on us?

~.~

<Jiyuru’s Journal>