“Having a guy friend who likes you is ridiculous.” Charlotte said on FaceTime.

I roll on the bed and lean on my stomach. “I know. But, Thomas helps me in any way a friend would.”

“Yeah, Athena. He punches the guy who harasses you knowing that he may get suspended. Second, he is helping you to finish the project knowing that he may not get the credit. And lastly, telling you his family history is not a friendly thing to do.”

“But, you know mine.”

“It’s different! We’re gals and childhood friends, duh.” She rolled her eyes at me. “He loves you. Not just a like. Thomas loves you.”

I’m still adamant about what she said. “He accepted my feelings for him, agreed to be my friend and it’s clear as day that he’s just a friend to me.”

She sighs. I can tell by how she looks, she’s disappointed. “He won’t ask anything in return?”

I scoffed at what she said. “You know what, just come here and you can judge him here if you meet him.”

She smirks. “Alright. My presence will be a surprise.”

I rolled my eyes at her and groaned. “Don’t do it, please.”

“One more thing, I really wanted to meet this Noah. He’s interesting because he caught your stone heart!”

I told her that Noah is my boyfriend now and she can’t wait to meet him. So, wait… we don’t have any pictures together. Why didn't I think of that? 

Well, I did paint him. I grab my sketchpad from the desk and show it to her. “Here he is.”

Her eyes narrow. “Who’s that?”

“Noah, duh.”

“Yeah, but it’s a sideview! I can’t see his face.”

“Yeah, he’s making coffee here. He’s also the owner of this cafe I used to go to.”

“No way! He’s really interesting.”

“Just… don’t say something or do something stupid, okay?”

She smiles. A wide smile and she wiggle her eyebrows. I glared at her because I know that look. She is planning something. 

“Don’t worry, babe. I will just interview him.”

“Don’t interrogate him, understand?”

She sighs. “I’m happy that you found your love.” She smiled slightly. She was so eager for me to have a boyfriend and worried at the same time. She’s acting like a mom but it’s okay with me. She knew what I had been through. “I gotta go. I still have to practice.” she said then lifted her script.

“I can’t wait to see you on stage, Candice.” I said, smiling. She got the main role and I am so proud of her.

She shakes her head, smiling and we say our goodbye to each other. I was just scrolling on my Instagram when I saw the picture of Thomas and me and my heart stopped beating when I saw a comment. The comment of someone who I buried in my past.

“You’re a whore… you don’t deserve to be alive.”

I covered my phone with a pillow and there’s a notification sound. I’m having second thoughts if I should see it but in the end I refuse.

I refuse to come back to that life. I refuse to face that life again because I wanted to look forward. In the eyes of someone, I’m running away because I’m tired of dealing with all of this. I admit, I’m a coward. Coward to tell the truth. Coward that they may not understand. Coward to care what they may think of me.

Because in the end, they will just stick to what they want to think. No matter what I say, it doesn’t matter to them because they’re only thinking about themselves.

I was distracted by the sound of a knock on my window. And then I looked up while lying on my bed to see who it was and all my thought had vanished like it never occurred to me. I smiled at him and he was smiling at me. I open the window and then close it. When I turn around, I hug him tightly.

He did so too.

“Is it weird that I am sneaking into your bedroom than to face your auntie and go to the front door like normal people?”

I laugh at the latter. I can still smell his perfume with the aroma of coffee beans, “I like weird. Also, I haven’t told her that you’re my boyfriend now.” Well, it’s just two weeks since we became an official couple. “Also, I like it when you sneak in like a cat.” 

He laughed. “In a cute way?”

I look up at him. “Yeah. You are sweet and gentle.” 

He removes my arms wrapping around his waist then we sit on the edge of the bed. He is caressing my hands with his thumb.

“Are you afraid that they will not approve of our relationship?” He asked, sincerely without a hint of irritation. He’s calm and he is asking because he was worried.

I smile, gently. “No. Noah. I…”

He nodded and smiled because he sensed that I was hesitating to tell him. But, his eyes were so gentle and understandable. “It’s alright. Tell me.”

I sighs. “I’m afraid that they will get disappointed because it’s already late.” It’s 11p.m. and they are strict about the time. 

He grins. “Well, I just can’t go home yet if I don’t see you. I’m not satisfied with a text or call. Since you are not that far, I can do this every night after work.”

I felt so surprised and I don’t know what to feel. “You mean sneaking in every night?” He nods. He’s serious. I held his hands tightly and shook my head. “You don’t need to do that. You have classes and that’s not fair.”

I said but he just stared at me. Very gently. This is the first time I felt a gentle stare so that I won’t feel obligated to do what he wants. Or a feeling that I need to return his efforts but to feel so much love to return his effort.

Love returns, not need to return.

“Thirty minutes and I will leave without a trace.” 

I smirk and bite my lower lip. “Seems you are used to sneaking in.” I tease.

He also smirks. “I can do a lot more.”

We stare at each other again. I love how perfect his nose is. He was looking at me gently and glancing up and down to my eyes and to my lips. 

I cleared my throat because I knew if we kissed. We can’t stop. He can’t stop. I looked away and he snuggled his face onto my neck. I hear his deep sigh and something is wrong.

I caress his right arm lying on my thigh. “What’s wrong?”

“I got the offer again.”

I narrowed my eyes and he moved away to look into my eyes. “What offer?”

“To play again.”

I smiled widely and held his face. “That’s good news! It’s what you want. Your passion!” I said in a happy enthusiasm. But it seems he is not happy with it. So, my happy enthusiasm for him changed into a sad face. More like, a worried face.

He looked down, caressing my fingers. “I don’t deserve it… I left the team, disappointed them and I’m a disgrace.” I looked at him softly and hugged him. I felt that he hugged me back and we stayed that for a minute. Then, he took a deep sigh. “Thank you. I finally put that out after one week.” I was suddenly stunned and then I faced him.

“You carry those thoughts for one week and I didn’t even see it. How inconsiderate of me.” he was always happy around me. I felt like a selfish and ignorant person. And I realized, I was just like that. Happy all the time behind troubled thoughts.

He smiled at me and held my face. “No. Don’t think like that. You are the most caring person I’ve ever known.”

I stared at him and I can’t stop comparing him to Matthew. Matt is kind, sweet, caring, gentle until he became so controlling that I didn’t even notice because he made me feel so much love—I thought—but it was not. I love him but he just saw me as a mere object. He made me feel like I’m his thing that cannot be taken. He controlled my life, who will be my friend, the time when I wanted to get out of the house, the place where I wanted to be. He controlled everything for me.

And by the time he invested so much in me like he bought me… he thought that he could take everything from me. 

And here I am again, comparing Noah that I hope he won’t do much. But I felt he is different from Matt. Way much different.

Because he respected my choices. He gave me a safe place around him. And he didn’t force me. 

And that’s Matt didn’t have.

Because when I made a decision, he got angry and manipulated me. But I let him because I trusted him. I let him because I thought he cared for me.

Too much is suffocating.

I realized who he was when I couldn’t breathe anymore. His love for me was complicated because it was an obsession. 

That’s why Charlotte is my only friend. Because Matthew made my guy friends stay away from me and he made the girls hate me. 

I slightly smiled at him and held his hand holding my face. I wanted to say something again when a knock on the door broke our moment.

“Athena. Are you still awake? Your brother is here.”

My eyes widened not because of the sudden event but because my brother is here. And I think I know who it is.

I stood up and panicked then I searched for the hiding place but aunt Sandra knocked again. Then, I mouthed to Noah while pointing at the back of the door.

He panicked too and quickly hid behind the door. I took a deep breath and smiled then opened the door.

“Hi.”

She smiled. “I’m sorry to bother you. Zeus is here. He wanted to see you.”

“Oh, yeah. I will go down.” 

She nods, looking at my back and then at me. “He didn’t tell you that he will visit?”

I shrugged then shook my head. “He likes surprise visits.”

“Hm, okay.” 

I closed the door then looked at Noah. We laugh but try to refrain from it because aunt might hear us.

Before he left through the window. He gave me a gentle and passionate kiss on my lips. I waved at him and he walked to the dark side of the road while smiling. I took a deep breath and let out a deep sigh because it will be less sleep.