Thoughts seemed to fester in my mind. The war I should be stopping, but the weak body that kept me from doing so. The man who was only a year younger than me that continuously taught me, like he was far beyond his years. Yet, there was a childlike innocence and confidence that seemed to contrast that thought. 

At one point, he would ask me seriously, “When is there wrong in right? Is there ever right in wrong? Good in bad, and bad in good?”

“What are you saying?” I’d mumble. He would shrug as he fed me, because my hands were too shaky to do such a simple thing myself. The heat in my face never ceased. 

“Why does it seem like you’re getting worse? You’re getting stronger, but…”

“What? I don’t know what you’re talking about. I feel fine,” I responded.

He grabbed my hand and inspected it, which had become a usual habit of his. “No, look. The patterns are getting clearer. Why?”

I didn’t know either, so I shrugged. He tapped his finger while staring at me, letting the hand he grasped fall to the bed. “I can walk now, right? I don’t know why you're worrying yourself over this.”

He got up from the seat, holding the empty bowl in his hand. He had a gentle glare when he looked down at me, making my eyebrows rise. “You know, I’ve been told I have very good intuition. I’m sure you understand,” he stated. 

Intuition? Does he mean magic? I found that intuition seemed to increase alongside the senses. Which was only natural, considering a person becomes more sensitive to the smaller things. I wasn’t lying, though. I felt better than I had in years. 

He had given me a book to pass the time. It wasn’t any good, but it was better than sitting idly. I sighed as I read the contents for the second time, and the desire to move around provoked me. It never hurts to try, right? I wasn’t a reckless person. I knew my limits. I placed my legs on the side of the bed, holding my hand out in front of me. My heart thumped painfully. 

Magic, which had once been the only hope in my life, seemed to cause my body to deteriorate. I wondered if teleportation has somehow made my body reject it, but the theory didn’t make much sense. If I had integrated with magic– become it, even– then why would I reject it? 

A sword appeared in my hand, and I rubbed my chest gently. I smiled at the simple thing. Weapons shouldn’t be such a comfort, and yet here I was, feeling like my stresses could fall away with this thing. 

There wasn’t much I could do here, though. I swung it a few times, but the strikes were pathetic and almost brought me down with them. Well, at least this place encourages patience. I decided to explore instead of sacrificing my strength. 

I had walked around with Calli a few times, but I didn’t spend my time looking or talking. Instead, I was too focused on not falling, with an abnormally sweaty head. He never asked why I was in such shape, and I also knew he had no idea himself. 

He often expressed his awe for magic, especially its pure form. I don’t think he would do so if he knew it had such an awful side effect. Or he would, I don’t really know.

I wore a light robe that had a high collar, and a soft belt that tied it around the waist. I enjoyed watching the white fabric sway lightly in the wind, reflecting the warm sunlight off it. It never got dirty, either, since I never did anything. I realized my hair had grown quite long, past my hips. I must have been a sight to see, but nobody was here to judge. 

A soft whimper came from the ground, and the creature stood on its hind legs, with the front ones resting on my thighs. The fluffy white fur blew gently in the breeze, with its eyes pleading. “Oh,” I laughed. “You’re too big for me to carry right now.”

I slowly dropped to the floor, petting the large head. It reminded me of a dog, but perhaps an overly round one. “You look like a little puffball, don’t you?”

My hands disappeared into the soft fur. The creature put its paws on my shoulders, playing with my hair. I laughed, “But you act like a cat.”

I was slightly disappointed. My hands were too weak and shaky to properly pet it. Animals never complained, though, and it simply curled in my lap. I was thankful for my height, because the large animal was nearly too large for comfort. I sat there, running my hands through the soft fur and taking in the warm sunlight. 

“There you are.” A few hours had passed. 

“Were you looking for me?” I asked. He only ever came to feed me, which I appreciated. Even the short moments I cherished. Who wouldn’t, though? I noticed a person behind him. “Who’s this?”

“Rise, boy. What’re you doing on the floor?” the old man quacked. 

Calli grimaced, nudging the frail man. “Be polite,” he said. 

“Does he want a doctor or not?”

“I didn’t tell him you were coming,” Calli answered. “Come here, Rey.” 

I carefully lifted the furball off my lap, feeling bad to wake it. I regretted sitting on the floor, because I had become as healthy as an elder. My legs shook from lack of strength, and my joints cracked from lack of movement. “Why did you call a doctor?”

“Why else would he? Look at the state of you.”

I cleared my throat. “I’m getting better, though.”

“You were in worse condition than you already are?” the doctor said angrily. 

“Calm down, Ael.” 

“Has he been resting properly? You didn’t tell me it was like this”

Calli nodded. “He hasn’t walked on his own until today.”

His glare was persistent. I wouldn’t have done it if I couldn’t, though. Even if I had collapsed, I wouldn’t die. I wouldn’t even be hurt. He worried too much about things out of his control.

I walked over to Doctor Ael, who had put an arm around my shoulder to support me. Though, I doubt this old man could do much to support someone nearly twice his size. He led me to my room, and I wondered how he knew its location. 

His tone and voice were harsh, but his actions were gentle. He tenderly guided me to sit on the bed as if I were a fragile leaf on the brink of crumbling. I laughed at him, “I won’t break, old man.” 

He smacked my arm without force, making me smile at him. He certainly wished he could add force, but his considerations betrayed him. “Hold out your arms.”

I did as I was told, and he looked closely at the patterns along my skin. “Can you still use magic?” he asked. I nodded. “Any side effects?”

“No,” I said. 

“Interesting,” the doctor grunted. He glanced at Calli behind him, receiving a nod. “I can’t explain it but… I see what you’re concerned about. It’s like his life may vanish at any moment.” 

I coughed. “Well,” I said. “It’s kind of embarrassing to hear that,” I cleared my throat and turned my head away. “...When I’m right here.”

I knew I was dying. It was awkward for others to know, too, though. I didn’t want to be seen as the man with his death set in stone, before he even had a chance to live. I didn’t want others to live around me aware of this fact, where their thoughts would be clouded by the impending future, rather than the moment in front of us. 

I couldn’t bring my eyes up to meet theirs. It would be best to leave soon, but I also knew how difficult it was to have a life in your hands. Especially one that you felt you could save. I cleared my throat again. “Is there anything you can do?”

“No, this is beyond natural remedies,” the doctor replied. 

“Just because it seems like my life will vanish doesn’t mean it will. I feel fine, truly. I wouldn’t lie about that,” I said.

Calli sneered behind the doctor, his arms crossed. “And yet you have.”

“Thank you, doctor,” I blurted. Ael patted my shoulder with a nod and a nervous glance at Calli.

“I’ll be going, then” he said. Calli nodded, leaving his spot on the wall to escort him out. 

The furball had found its spot on my bed, curling up and waving its stubby tail in the air. I smiled at it. “Well, you won’t care when I die, at least,” I said, leaning on my side to pet it. “I need to get better quickly.”

Calli came back a while later with a tray of food. He held the spoon in an attempt to feed me, but I shook my head and took it from him. My hands were admirably shaky. I led the spoon to my mouth carefully and slowly, careful not to drop any of the soup. I smiled at my success, and also at Calli, as if saying, ‘see, I can do it just fine.’

“Don’t dwell on what I can’t do. Just focus on what I can do,” I told him. I’d only been here for a little over a week, and I was walking on my own. Another week, and I’ll be out of here, as if I never came.