“I’m sorry, kid, but I can’t let you anywhere into this airport without a ticket. Obviously.” the front desk worker explained. 

“Yeah, but I have my passport,” I grumbled, peaking back at the long line of people behind me. “Can’t I buy a ticket here?” 

The woman sighed once more, “Alright, kid, over there. You can buy tickets at the ticket counter,” she pointed at a counter, “then come back. Please stop blocking the line.” I sighed and grabbed my passport off the counter, rushing off to one of the airline desks. 

“Hi,” I said.

“Hello there, how can I help you?” 

“I need to buy a ticket.” 

He stared at my single backpack and shabby outfit. “Okay, a ticket to where ma’am.” 

“Michigan.” 

“Wow, far away. Anywhere specific?” 

“I don’t know. The main city.” I shrugged, looking around at the other people milling about. 

The man typed away at his keyboard, laughing, “Alright, the main city, for today, leave as soon as possible,” he listed in a mumble, “Can take you straight there. It’s not cheap though.”

“That’s fine, I’ll pay with card.” 

“Okay, Detroit, Michigan. Full name, passport, and date of birth please?” he said with a slight smile. 

“Concord Lance, August 27th, 2007. And here’s my passport.” I placed it down on the counter, it was getting close to its expiration date but I’d hoped that wouldn’t stop me from getting a ticket. 

“Alright Ms. Lance, one-way or round trip?” I stood for a moment, unsure of how to answer. Did I want to come back? Would it make sense to? 

I hesitated, I could always buy a ticket back if I wanted to. “O-one-way. Yeah, that’s for the best, I think.” 

“Alright, that’ll be 900 dollars, cash or card?” 

“Card.” He brought out a card reader and pointed at the screen which indicated the area of where to pay. I tapped my parent's card and waited for the payment to go through. 

I had a momentary feeling of surprise, after all, I had assumed my parents would shut the card off when they realized I wasn’t anywhere near our home town. I couldn’t figure out why neither of them even messaged. Unless they were tracking my phone? That seemed like a stretch, considering they went out of their way to respect my privacy. It wasn’t that I minded, truly, it was more that I wanted them to call. I wanted them to care enough to call. Why didn’t they? Wasn’t I family? 

I sighed, growing more and more irritated with the stress of this little running away project, this was never going to work. I shook my head, pushing my family, and all insecurity about my plan from my head and focusing on the man in front of me.  

He handed me a receipt, along with the ticket and boarding pass. “Heading to Detroit in two hours, enjoy your flight.”

I sat on the plane, finally making it through security, and questions from security officers, it was then that I got a message from my parents. Apparently, they’d noticed that I was gone but had assumed I went to Laura’s. Normally, I would as her home is where I escaped the chaos of my family. But even Laura, who I considered to be my best friend, didn’t know that I was traveling to America. The text was from my mother, ‘Honey, where are you? We’re very worried and you won’t pick up the phone, just let us know you’re okay.’ Even over text, I could tell it was pleading, begging for me to just respond. Yet, even though I had wanted this attention, now I didn’t know how to respond. How did I explain this situation? She’d never understand, none of them would. So I responded curtly, ‘I’m safe, the plane is taking off, I’ll message when I land.’

With that, I switched my phone to airplane mode and tried my best not to give another thought to them. They didn’t lie, technically. Never, but I couldn’t do this with them. They’d be too… hovering, hang onto me. As if trying to keep me tied to them. Always trying to make me feel as if I really belonged in that family. I considered myself as an outsider to that family, each of them connected through blood in a way I’d never understand, no matter how much I wanted to. That’s why I had to do it alone

I stared out the window as the clouds flew by. So pretty. I love the look of clouds. I enjoyed all things in nature, the warmth of a fire as sparks flew off towards me, the earth rumbling beneath my feet during thunderstorms, water flowing over my body as I laid in the foam of the ocean, the wind through my hair while sitting on the roof of my house. Running away from my problems. That’s what nature was for me, an escape, a beautiful, terrifying, soul encapsulating escape

As I ruminated on where I could find such nature in Detroit, Michigan which I thought was something of a concrete jungle, someone appeared on the wing, or I certainly thought I saw someone. Hair a lighter brown than my own, more akin to a dirty blond with eyes that seemed to glow. Glowing and shifting between a deep black and a sharp green. I wanted to sink into it, swim in the depths of them

Her head tipped to the side, almost as if she was surprised that I noticed her. As if she wasn’t standing on the wing of a plane. A small cylinder appeared in her hand, each side glowing an electric blue. Slowly, as if through magic, each side started growing, blue building on blue until it cooled and what was left was a staff. I had no idea how exactly that happened but a proud smile spread across her face as she pushed it forward, seemingly showing it off

I didn’t know how to react so I simply offered her a smile to which she beamed. Taking a step on the wing just a bit closer: she mouthed something and it felt like a whisper across my skin. Crawling up my back, wrapping around my throat, and slithering into my ear. “Concord,” a nearly ghostly voice said. It sounded… void, and didn’t seem to match her demeanor. I shuddered and my smile dropped, that was just creepy. Not intriguing. Or maybe intriguing considering I hadn’t felt anything like it in my life

She gave me a short wave while pointing down. I squinted in confusion, why would she do that? I pressed closer to the airplane window, peeking down. As I did, a body flew by, it was her. She jumped off the wing of an airplane?! I couldn’t see her body anymore until she was suddenly floating next to me. It looked as if she was riding the staff but that couldn’t have been right

Dirty blonde hair, more clear in the color now, was nearly slicked back from the wind, shaved on one side. Or the side that I saw at least. She waved once more. Before I could respond, I felt a jolt from the plane. Turbulence, nothing more. That was until my eyes flew open, my hands death-gripped the arm rests of my seat

When I looked out the window again, there was no beautiful girl, no clear skies, in fact distinctly dreary skies, nothing was as it was in what I now assumed was a dream. Not even the wing of the plan, as it turns out I wasn’t even in the right seat to see that. No wing through the window next to me

“We’ll be making our descent now, ladies and gentlemen, so please put your seats upright and put your tables up.” I heard the captain say over the intercom. My head swirled around, everyone else on the plane seemed normal

I found it odd, not odd that I had dreamed something, just that it was so specific. That it had someone I’d never once met in my life. Or… that at the very least, I was pretty sure I’d never met

Before I could even contemplate that, the plane was on the ground and I was standing in the middle of Detroit Airport. What the hell was I thinking? Flying to America where I’d never been on my own? And for what, the half chance of finding out more about myself? As I stood there, my determination slowly spiraled

I swung my bag around and tore it open. Inside was a letter that arrived at my door a month ago. A letter that I never… that I never expected to receive. Yet there it was, on my desk. A few months after my 18th birthday. My parents, they weren’t helpful, apparently it had come earlier and they had hid it

Inside was a cryptic paragraph about nothing at all. About how whoever sent it loved me very much, that they cared for me and that I was safe where I was. But… that if I wanted to know more, I’d have to find it

The mailing address was a PO box in Michigan. Very helpful, I was hoping that if I went there, maybe they’d be able to tell me who it belonged to. I needed more information

After all, the final message on the letter read, ‘Love, Mom

Very cryptic. 

So, there I was in Michigan, hoping to find a PO box that might not exist anymore. A person that might not even exist anymore. I sat down outside the airport, slightly regretting my choices in terms of flying cross-continentally after all

My phone rang from one of my siblings, the oldest, obviously. I had a lot of siblings, six plus my mom was pregnant. My oldest brother was ringing my phone, probably since I disappeared from the whole continent of the UK

I took the call, not totally having a reason to hide seeing as there was no way for them to come and find me, after all I was seven hours away by plane. “Hey, D,” I mumbled

“Don’t ‘Hey, D’ me, who the fuck flies to a whole ‘nother country?” he said, so loud that my hand flinched away from my head. “Huh? What the fuck were you thinking

“D, D, stop.” I said

“Stop? You-” I cut him off, the lecture on recklessness that he was about to dole out had been one I had thought many times in my consideration of how to handle this situation. Just because I wanted to find my birth mother doesn’t mean my first inclination was to do it in this way. Considering how totally dangerous it was. Some might say that I was irresponsible at times but I wasn’t stupid. At least not stupid enough to take unnecessary risks

“I found a letter, it’s from my birth mom… supposedly.” I could hear him frozen on the other end. Being the only adopted kid of seven and a half children had its perks, one being that not a single person could question my motives in this specific situation

“Oh,” he said, “okay. I get it, you’re curious. But who in the world flies to America just to find her parents. You could’ve just asked mom and dad, you know?” 

I massaged my temple, he just didn’t get it. Of course he wouldn’t, he’s the oldest after all and related by blood to our parents. “They kept the letter from me. They hid it from me… for months.” I nearly yelled, “I refuse… I can’t. This conversation is over, I’ll call you later.” I hung the phone up quickly and ordered an uber to the nearest hotel

I arrived at the hotel, heading towards the front desk. Before I could even get there, in the corner of my eye, I spotted that girl. From the plane. I swirled on my heel towards her, and there she sat. In some kind of… lobby, I mean it seemed like a lobby

Sofa chairs, couches, even some coffee tables. And there she was, staring me straight in the eyes. A foot crossed on her knee, relaxed in the chair. Her elbow on the arm rest and her fingertips press against her temple. Her staff, the same from before, leaned against the chair precariously. A smirk played on her face, almost teasing in nature and her foot tapped a rhythm on the floor

I completely twisted my trajectory, slowly making my way over to her. I thought maybe I’d be able to get a good look at her face, she was sitting right in front of me, after all. But I couldn’t, her face wasn’t blurred, it was more like if I looked too hard, I’d get dizzy. A headache sprouted when I tried to study the details of her face, it was only her hair that I could really look at. Dirty blonde, like I’d though, but not shaved, or slicked back for that matter. It was parted on the side, all brushed over her shoulders, chaotic and a bit frizzy. The side I’d thought was shaved was braided, close to her head and braided towards the behind of her ear before flaring back out into her normal hair. When I tried, once more, to look at her face, her eyes were a bit more clear now. The rest of her face still felt murky, but those green-black swirling depths were visible. It felt like they were yanking me towards her, dragging me, like I didn’t even have a choice

I hated that fucking feeling

It intrigued me all the same

I loved it all the same

Wait. Loved it? I’ve never seen her before… who… is she? I had thought after that revelation. She tipped her head to the side, squinting at me. Like she was making sure of something, and the smirk spread further on her face. Bigger, clearly she was happy, but something was off about it. It was almost creepy in nature, as if she’d finally found exactly what she was looking for

She sat up straight, her boot slamming on the floor. It seemed to send a shockwave through the whole room and suddenly I was back in the direction of the front desk. I swirled around but she wasn’t there anymore. “Excuse me, are you okay?” a stranger said, grabbing my shoulder

I shrugged them off, “Yeah, I’m fine,” I growled, passing by them.  At that point, I realized that if I saw that girl, then I shouldn’t trust my brain. She wasn’t actually there, and I was asleep… or at least frozen

Once I’d found myself a room, one of the cheapest ones they had so I could pay with what little cash I had. It wouldn’t really make sense to pay with a card and immediately give away my exact location. I stared out at the… just okay view. I didn’t know the exact location

My phone rang again. So annoying, why couldn’t they just let me be? I was 18, there was no reason why I couldn’t travel by myself, even trans-atlantically. Of course, I loved my family, but I needed to do this alone. I needed to be by myself and figure this out, without them

I threw the phone onto my bed and took out the letter again. It was more like a postcard with how short it was. She couldn’t have taken a few more minutes to write a longer letter. To tell me more about herself? Give me just a little more information on what I’m supposed to be finding? It’s not that difficult

What if… what if I’d come all this way for no reason. What if she wasn’t here? Or… even worse, she simply didn’t want me. Why would she send me a letter when I turned 18? Why not just keep me?