Today was a whole day of assessments, but it went pretty well. The pressure was so much that there was hardly any space to give voice to those painful thoughts that usually accompany me. But of course, as always, here they are again, as soon as I had a little free time. It seems impossible to escape them, even in moments when I’m busy with other things. Still, the tiredness from today gave me a slight sense of relief, as if, for a brief moment, my mind found a bit of a break.

It’s cold now, and I’m here on the couch, trying to relax a bit after a long day. It’s one of those moments when, honestly, I’d like to feel the comfort of a hug from someone who truly loves me, someone who accepts me entirely, with all my imperfections. That, to me, would be something very valuable, but I also know it’s something rare... and maybe even unattainable. Thinking about it is both good and painful. Dreaming of it, imagining what it would be like, makes me feel a mix of hope and fear. Fear that it might never happen, that perhaps what I’m looking for is too far out of reach.