"You can't get away from yourself by moving from one place to another" (Ernest Hemingway)

Two weeks later

NATE'S POV

"Where are you, Kyle?"

I asked myself that question a thousand times a day, if not more, almost to the point of driving myself mad. In second place came another one: "why did you run away?". I had a few explanations in mind, but in the end all I could do was guessing. My childhood friend was a mystery. Though I could never solve the mystery that he was, and I wasn't sure I even wanted to - weren't we all mysteries to ourselves, after all? - I hoped that when the time would come, I would get some answers.

The only thing Darren and I knew for sure, was how our clever mate had managed to run away without any of us being able to prevent it.

After our sad and stressing talk with Alex, which had led to the banishment of the wolf on the grounds of treason and murder attempt, we had came back to the tent, only to find Kyle fast asleep. I had easily convinced Darren to let our mate rest, and to tell him about Alex the next morning. I knew such news was going to bring distress to Kyle, and could imped his recovery. We had slept on the ground next to Kyle's bed, probably too tired to care about the lack of comfort.

I had woken up first, around dawn, to find that Kyle was no longer here. The reason Darren and I had panicked so quickly was because our mate was still injured. We hadn't been able to sense him, so we had deduced that he had already gone far - possibly thanks to someone else's help? Anyway, a search had been immediately conducted, and only a few wolves had remained at the camp.

I should have known that Kyle couldn't have ran away so far so quickly. The thing is, I would have guessed he was still at the camp at that time, if I had been able to sense him. Only, my too-clever-for-his-own-good mate had came up with a brillant plan. He had taken smell inhibitors from my pharmacy bag, in order to make us believe he had ran away, and had stayed hidden in the camp. Then, after we had gone looking for him, he had quietly left the tent, taking all the smell inhibitors with him.

"How are you, lovely?"

I sighed, giving a tired smile at my Alpha who was slowly approaching me. "How are you?" was a question which didn't make much sense to any of us these days. We were doing bad, or very bad, depending on our mood and our level of despair. The worst was not knowing if Kyle was okay. He was an adult, so we wouldn't force him to stay with us if he really didn't want it, but we had to make sure he was safe, which was now impossible, since we couldn't sense him at all.

"Do you think we'll find him?" I asked without thinking, before biting my lips in anger.

I shouldn't have asked that. I shouldn't let my own pessimism affect my mate. I had to be strong for him, he already had enough on his plate without me sharing my doubts.

"I know we will, love." he replied in a calm voice, closing the distance between us to take me into his arms.

I leaned back against his solid chest, wishing I could possess half of my mate's confidence and strenght. I could see the hurt and worry in his eyes, for I knew him too well, yet my mate was a rock. His own doubts never prevented him from taking action. Maybe that was why he was the Alpha of the pack.

"Don't think you have to be strong all the time, Nate", he whispered in my ear, as if he had been reading my thoughts. "You can always tell me what you really think. I believe it's better for us to communicate openly, especially in difficult times."

I nodded, turning around so I could press my face against his chest. He let me do it, patiently waiting for me to tell him what was in my mind. After a while, I peered up at him, he looked good despite almost not having slept for two weeks, his olive skin only looking slightly paler than usual, his short black hair a bit greasy. I, on the other hand, looked like I had recently traveled all the way to Hell and back.

"What if something bad has happened to him?" I mumbled. "What if he went to another country, and we never see him again?"

He briefly closed his eyes, as if the thought was to much for him to bear. Then, he looked down at me, hesitating a bit, as if he was not sure if he should tell me what he really thought.

"Be honest with me. You've just told me we should be honest with each other" I reminded him.

"Alright" he agreed after another seconds of silence. "So, as we both know, Kyle is fragile, although he doesn't look like it. He has secrets of his own that seem to burden him. He probably heard us talk to Alex and already knows that his so-called friend tried to kill him. That's a lot to endure."

I nodded, looking down at my feet because my eyes were starting to burn.

"But", Darren added, making me look up at him again. "He is also an excellent warrior and a clever wolf, who can take down most of our enemies. I have the feeling that he isn't far from here. Kyle is attached to these woods and to the memories he has, although not all of them are good ones."

I nodded again, because I definitely agreed with him. It was weird, but somehow I also believed that Kyle was closer than we thought. Kyle wanted this relationship to work as much as we now did, and might find difficult to leave it all behind. Maybe it was a bit presomptuous of me to say this, especially after the way we had let him down when we were teens, but I had seen the way he looked at us sometimes. Like he needed us. Like he wanted to let himself be vulnerable around us.

I wanted to give him all the affection he needed and deserved, and Darren was just the same. We wanted to represent a safe place for him. We wanted to show him that he could trust us, but how could we do that, when we had no idea where he was?

"Do you have any ideas why he ran away, Dar?"

"I think he's scared. Kyle always run away when he feels trapped, that's what he used to do when we were kids."

"So, something recently scared him" I mused. "Do you think it has something to do with these pills he apparently asked Alex to get him?"

"Yeah, absolutely. I have been thinking about it a lot, and I feel like I'm very close to unveiling the truth, but I still can't figure it out." Darren sighed, looking agitated.

I took his hand, guiding him to the bed. He needed to rest. Kyle's disparition was affecting him as much as I was, he was just better at hiding it.

"I guess he will tell us why he ran away when he's ready" I told him in a soft voice. "For now, we should focus on where he is."

We needed to find him soon. Most werewolves would have already gone through the mating process by now - that is, the sexual intercourse - , but our relationship was complicated. Still, if the separation was already a nightmare for us and for our wolves, I couldn't imagine how hard it should be for Kyle, who was all by himself.

It wasn't just the bond, though. We were genuinely worried. Kyle had suffered enough for a lifetime. Yes, we still had important things to talk about, but protecting him was now my priority.

"If only I hadn't fell asleep that night - "

"It's not your fault. Don't even start, Darren. You're not the Goddess. There are things that are beyond your control and comprehension."

"Wow, thank you for the words of wisdom, Doctor Nate"

I laughed, the sound sounding a bit incongruous, as I was no longer used to it. Darren looked a bit surprised too, but a timid smile warmed up his handsome face, as he took my hand in his.

"Let's go look for him again, but only the two of us this time. Maybe Kyle would be more likely to leave his hiding place if it's just the three of us."

"Good idea, let's do it" I immediately agreed. "But, can you really go on another expedition? All your meetings and responsibilities..."

"I'll ask Noura to take the lead in my absence" Darren replied with a decisiveness in his tone. "She will know what to do. We'll find him, Nate. We'll find our little sneaky mate."

"Not so little. Bigger than me, and almost as big as you, actually" I mumbled, before asking: "Should we go now?"

Darren looked like he was about to say yes, then looked at me closely, and eventually shook his head.

"No, you're right, it's better we rest a bit, first. We need to be alert in order to find him."

No more words were exchanged after that, as we both cuddled under the cover. Darren was holding me tighter than ever against him, and I knew it was for the same reason than I did. Dreadful images of our mate injured, or worst, were dancing under our eyelids, which is why most nights we were too afraid to even go to sleep, prefering to take short and unsatisfying naps during the day instead.

Kyle. Why on Earth did you leave the pack while you were still injured? What is it that you are so afraid to tell us? What can we do to make you trust us, even a bit? I thought we were making progress, but you suddenly disappeared, and I can't really blame you, you're no longer used to rely on others.

We will find you, and we will give you plenty of reasons for you to never even think of leaving us again.

Oh, please, Goddess, I'm begging you.

Please let him be fine.