C.W. Sexual Content, Profanity

That night, Lucas unwound from his hectic day at the university by visiting a nearby bar, a routine he indulged in occasionally after long hours of work. Some students were there, laughing, drinking, and dancing as if there were no tomorrow.

The professor had a strict rule: NEVER engage with his students outside of academic settings. He would only interact with them during class hours or extracurricular tutoring sessions —never beyond that.  

Lucas chose a table away from the groups of students, intending to drink alone. But his thoughts kept drifting back to the encounter with the custodian. Something about his eyes, freckles, and voice triggered a strange sense of familiarity, one that unsettled him. He decided, however, that it wasn’t worth dwelling on —just memories of an old friend, after all, and he resolved to move on.  

After a few drinks, Lucas left and headed to his favorite gay bar. The atmosphere there always helped him relax. At one point, he noticed a blond man around his age sitting near a window. Lucas took a seat at a nearby table. He’d seen this man before —a corporate worker who frequented the bar almost every night. He looked like someone who knew how to have fun, perhaps too much so for Lucas’s taste.  

Looking for a partner in that setting always felt like a thrilling adventure for him. He longed for a boyfriend, someone to share his life with, to perhaps feel less alone.  

The blond man noticed Lucas’s glances and approached his table. Flirtatiously, he asked, “Are you here alone?”  

“Maybe,” Lucas replied, sipping his drink.  

“Mind if I join you?” the man asked, his eyes locked on Lucas’s.  

After some lighthearted, suggestive remarks, they began chatting. Lucas quickly forgot the man’s name —it was clear he was only interested in one thing: a fleeting moment of pleasure.  

They left the bar and found a secluded alleyway. Lucas, as always, made sure to bring a condom. No matter who it was, safety was his priority. He unzipped his pants as the blond began undressing, leaving on only his designer-brand white shirt, clearly impressed by Lucas’s physique. His virility was undeniable.

Leaning against the wall, the blond arched his back, lifting his hips —preparing for the night’s adventure. Lucas was always in control, always the one who gave pleasure to others. But just as he was about to take the next step, something stopped him. The image of the custodian flashed through his mind. What the hell? Why was he thinking about Jairo now?  

Growing impatient, the blond broke the silence. “What’s wrong, babe? Hurry up, it’s cold out here!”  

Lucas stood frozen. Something didn’t feel right. It wasn’t the first time he’d done this, but for some reason, he couldn’t go through with it.

He hesitated, shaking his head. He tried two more times but couldn't succeed. It wasn’t the place to think about Jairo.  

“Shit, I can’t,” Lucas muttered, quickly discarding the condom and tossing it into a nearby trash can.  

“I don't feel well,” he said with a sigh.  

“Excuse me? Do you have a headache?” the blond asked, bewildered by Lucas’s behavior. The professor remained silent as the man dressed again.  

“It’s not that. I’ve just got too much on my mind,” Lucas replied, his hands resting behind his neck.  

The blond, still confused, assumed that the man next to him was either cheating on a partner or struggling with his sexuality. “Look, it’s fine, but if you’re married, you should think twice. Or… are you unsure if you’re gay?”  

“I AM GAY, DAMN IT! I just… sigh… I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Can we try again tomorrow? I think I need a stronger drink.”  

“You’re sexy, but there won’t be a next time. Good luck, daddy,” the blond said, putting on his jacket before heading back into the bar.

“Shit, fucking shit!” Lucas grunted in disappointment, running his hands over his face.

**  

Later that night, Lucas returned to his small apartment, unable to shake off the disastrous encounter —and his meeting with Jairo— from his mind. Exhausted, he stepped into the shower, hoping the water would cool him off. Afterward, he opened his nearly empty fridge and grabbed a small orange dessert that was nearing its expiration date. He ate it with a lack of enthusiasm, as if it were the only thing that could offer him any comfort. Finally, feeling defeated, he went to bed.