“Ooh!” I sing-songed, a mischievous smile curling my lips. “Who is it, who is it, who is it?”

“Yeah, who?” Zephyr added, seeming even more invested than when Kamilla had revealed the band’s tea.

She frowned slightly, almost seeming confused.

“What?” I asked her.

“You guys aren’t… uncomfortable that I’m dating a girl?” she asked.

I snorted.

Why the hell would she be asking me that question? Me, of all people?

“Oh, no!” I said, fake disgust dripping from my voice. “How dare you like the same gender as you are. That’s terrible, Kamilla. It’s insulting to the human race! A girl, liking another girl! Oh, the horror!”

I clutched my forehead and leaned back until I was fully on the floor.

“Oh, even the mere idea is making me dizzy!” I said dramatically.

“Amaryllis,” Zephyr said, trying to hold back his laughter. “You’re not being nearly harsh enough! This child has gone against the rules of society! She must be a witch!”

“Burn her at the stake!” I shouted, finally overcome with laughter.

I rolled over, clutching my stomach as we both laughed uncontrollably when Zephyr accidentally tipped my desk chair over and fell onto the floor beside me.

It was silent. Zephyr’s face was barely two inches from mine, upside down as his sweet breath washed over my face and his big, shining eyes staring deep into mine.

I never knew his eyes were a deep, dark brown. I always thought they were black… IS NOT WHAT I SHOULD BE THINKING!

Kamilla burst into laughter behind me, falling over onto her side on my bed, and the two of us jolted apart. He came to sit upright against the door to my built-in closet and I against the wall perpendicular to the sliding mirror he was against.

We started laughing again, but I could already tell that it was different for us both. It was heavier, and I didn’t want to admit what was weighing us both down.

I turned deliberately away from the boy laughing just a few feet from me to look up at Kamilla.

“Kam, I don’t know why you were so worried,” I told her. “I’m not sure if you noticed, but my moms are literally lesbians, in which there are two moms instead of a mom and a dad.”

She laughed. “I know what a lesbian is.”

“Why were you so nervous about telling us?” Zephyr asked.

I didn’t look at him.

“I-I don’t know,” Kamilla said shyly. “I guess it’s just… habit.”

“Gurl, it’s the twenty-first century,” I told her. “It’s literally twenty-fucking-sixty. Get over yourself.”

The others laughed. Kamilla actually snorted so hard, she started coughing. I couldn’t help but laugh with them.

“So who’s the unlucky girl?” Zephyr finally asked teasingly.

“Hey!” Kamilla protested, rubbing her chest with another cough. “I’m not that bad!”

“Well, you have no time in your life due to band,” I said, holding my fingers up as I started listing things off. “You’re incredibly chatty, you’re so friendly any who’s who might think you’re into them, you’re always determined to get your way, you don’t understand the concept of ‘no’-”

“Okay, okay, enough of the roast-fest, thanks,” Kamilla interrupted, settling onto her stomach on my bed, her chin in her hands. “I’m charming. Even the girls think so.”

Zephyr and I laughed again as the flush in Kamilla’s cheeks lessened.

We couldn’t have that, now could we?

“So who are these girls that have fallen for the chaotic charm of Kamilla?” I teased.

“Ugh, you are a pain,” Kamilla groaned, dropping her head to my bed. Her next words were muffled.

“What?” Zephyr asked, leaning forward.

“I’m not telling you who!” Kamilla shouted, her face still in my mattress. I could hear her this time, though, so I assumed she lifted her mouth just barely off of the bed for us to hear her. “Ugh!”

“Aww, come on!” I whined.

“What about you?” she asked, lifting her head off my bed to pierce me with her gaze. “Do you like anyone?”

“No,” I said quickly, not even taking a second to think.

Kamilla raised an eyebrow at my lightning-fast response. Then she turned to Zephyr.

“What about you?” she asked as I turned to look at him as well.

His face was calm, neutral, as he answered.

“Yeah, I like someone,” he said nonchalantly.

I felt a pang of… something go through my chest, like a bullet shot through my airways.

Why did that hurt so much, if at all?

“Do you like someone or do you like-like someone?” Kamilla pried.

Zephyr shrugged. “What’s the difference?”

“The difference, Zephyr,” Kamilla said meaningfully, “is that to like someone means liking them. But to like-like someone means really liking them. Like, in a non-platonic way.”

“Translation,” I said at the ‘you’re making no sense’ face Zephyr was making. “Who’s your crush?”

He just shrugged. “Who said I had one?”

“Uh, you did?” Kamilla said.

“I did?” Zephyr deflected.

“Yeah, when you said,” Kamilla adopted her version of a mock-Zephyr voice, “‘Yeah, I like someone’.”

“I did?” Zephyr asked innocently again.

Kamilla groaned, dropping her arms off the edge of my bed in frustration. But then she looked at me, suddenly curious.

“You’re awfully quiet,” she accused.

“When am I not?” I replied with what a shrug I tried to make nonchalant.

“Like, all the time?” Kamilla said.

“Yeah, don’t you want to hear about my supposed ‘crush’?” Zephyr asked, putting air-quotes around the word ‘crush’ as if to say he didn’t believe it.

I looked him dead in the eyes. “Nah, I think I’m good,” I said, pushing so much ‘I don’t care’ into my tone that I almost sounded aloof.

His face was neutral after I said this, but in a way that made me doubt whether it was genuine or a well-composed mask.

I looked away when a knock sounded on my door. From my peripherals, I could see that the other two turned to look as well.

“Come in,” I called, moving to sit cross legged instead of leaned against the wall.

Zephyr moved to sit beside me to make way for the door to open. I could feel the warmth from where his knee just barely grazed mine as my mama poked her head into the room.

“Hi,” she said softly, a warm smile crinkling the corners of her eyes. “I know you said you didn’t need anything, but I was baking anyway, so here.” She held up a tray with a piled up plate of cookies and three glasses of almond milk (Rosie was lactose intolerant; we rarely had any real milk in the house). “If you need anything else, feel free to come down and ask.”

“Thanks, Mama,” I said as I stood to take the tray from her.

A sigh breathed past my lips at the relief of leaving Zephyr’s close presence.

“Okay,” my mama said with another smile, slowly easing back out of the door, “I’ll leave you kids alone now.”

“Thank you,” Zephyr called from behind me.

“Thank you Dr Miracle, ma’am!” Kamilla shouted from my bed.

Both my mama and I turned to see her scrambling to sit up straight and give my mama a salute.

She laughed, gave us a wave, and closed the door behind her as I made my way with the tray to the center of the floor.

“Here, have some,” I said, pushing the tray towards the other two after I took one for myself.

“I’ll try one,” Zephyr said as Kamilla exclaimed, “Don’t mind if I do!”

It was quiet for the next few minutes as we all ate our designated cookie (or cookies, in Kamilla’s case).

In my opinion, my mama made the best cookies. We quickly had to adjust to Rosie’s restrictions, but after time, the change barely made a difference.

Mama’s cookies were always warm and buttery and a nice crunch around the edges. When she added chocolate chips, they were always perfectly melted.

These were her sugar cookies, but the lack of chocolate didn’t make much of a difference. They were still-

“Good cookies,” Zephyr said as he dusted the crumbs from his fingers onto the tray.

I blinked.

“What?” he asked when he saw my face.

“Nothing,” I replied. “Just a coincidence.”

“What is?” he asked.

Beside us, Kamilla (on her third cookie) was looking back and forth between us.

“Nothing,” I repeated.

“I agree,” Kamilla said right before she took the most offensively gigantic bite out of her now fourth cookie. She then proceeded to speak with her mouth full. “These are good cookies.”

Of course, it sounded more like, “Eese ah ooh oo-ies.”

“Chew before you speak,” I said, mock-offendedly. “Goodness, you’re like an animal.”

“And maybe swallow, too,” Zephyr added. “I’d rather not see what a chewed up, half-dissolved cookie looks like.”

Kamilla laughed, but her airway was obstructed by the cookie in her mouth. She choked, coughing while trying to swallow her mouthful in a disaster of chaos.

Zephyr and I burst into laughter, both of us knowing that she wasn’t in actual danger.

Seeing her reach for the milk, I handed her a glass to help her clear out her airways.

We watched as she downed the glass in one go, our eyes wide as we tried to smother our laughter.

After finishing the glass, she set it down, coughed wetly a few more times, and patted herself on the chest.

“You good?” Zephyr asked, taking a glass of milk for himself and taking a small sip.

“Yes, I appreciate your concern at me almost dying, belated as it was, thanks,” Kamilla said sarcastically, her voice scratchy.

Of course, this set us off again. Even Kamilla joined us with a few chuckles.

“Anyway,” Kamilla said, turning the conversation away from her near-death experience. “Back to the conversation we started with…”

“Your girlfriend?” I asked.

Kamilla’s cheeks turned red as she glared at me. “No,” she intoned. “Zephyr’s crush!”

“You haven’t let this go yet?” Zephyr asked her exasperatedly.

“No,” Kamilla said matter-of-factly.

“And let me guess,” Zephyr said, resting his face in his hand. “You’re never gonna let this go, right?”

“Yup,” Kamilla said with a single curt nod.

Zephyr groaned, but I could tell it was good-natured. He gave me a pleading look, complete with the doe-eyes. I couldn’t help myself from rolling my eyes.

Fine, just this once, I told him through a sigh.

A bright smile was his answer.

“Wait,” I said, drawing Kamilla’s attention off of Zephyr. “Why were you so scared to tell us about your quote-unquote 'scandalous sexuality’?”

Kamilla winced, averting her gaze. “I-I don’t really know…”

I tilted my head to the side, narrowing my eyes at her. I waited for her to look at me, knowing she would crack the moment she did.

I was right.

“Let’s just say…” she blurted before pausing hesitantly, biting her lip.

“Let’s just say…?” I repeated, leaning towards her.

“My sister’s gay and our parents didn’t take it well!” she finally exclaimed, her eyes squeezed shut as if she expected her words to come back to smack her in the face.

“Oh…” Zephyr said.

“Oh, no…” I added. I pulled her into a tight hug. “I’m so sorry…”

Kamilla sighed. “It’s alright, I’ve known for a while.”

“Dude, like Li- Amaryllis said,” Zephyr caught himself before he said the nickname my parents had for me. I narrowed my eyes at him from over the top of Kamilla’s head, but he didn’t meet my gaze. “This is the twenty-first fucking century. If people are still homophobic, that’s their problem.”

“And,” I added because I couldn’t help myself, “they’re assholes.”

The others both chuckled at my blunt honesty. They were starting to get used to my “I don’t give two shits, let alone one” attitude.

“I wouldn’t say-” Kamilla started, but I cut her off.

“Assholes!” I repeated, more force in my voice.

“But-”

“Aht!” I said, clamping a hand over Kamilla’s mouth. “Ass-fucking-holes!”

Zephyr snorted.

“What’s so funny?” I asked, raising a suggestive eyebrow at him.

He just shook his head, his laughter increasing as his shoulders shook.

“Mm-mh mm-mm-mph,” Kamilla said from under my hand.

I wasn’t sure what she said, but it set Zephyr off harder.

“What?” I asked again.

“I-” he started, but had to stop because of how hard he was laughing. After a minute, he finally got a hold of himself. “I don’t know what’s funnier, this-” he gestured at me and Kamilla in a circular motion, “-or ‘ass-fucking-holes’.”

He started laughing again. From under my hand, Kamilla slowly joined him.

I looked between my friends, my hand slowly dropping from Kamilla’s mouth. This freed her from her muffled chuckles, causing her to snort.

That was honestly what set me off.

All of a sudden, we were all laughing all over again.

After a long few minutes, we each gulped some milk down our sore throats. Unfortunately, I was not the first to recover.

“What about you?” Kamilla asked me as she set down my milk glass.

I took it from the tray as she looked up at me.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Have anything to share with the class?” she asked, wiggling her eyebrows. “That ‘no’ earlier was suspiciously quick.”

I paused. I didn’t want to think about the question. I didn’t want to know what the answer was, and what the answer to the possible follow up question was. So instead, I deflected.

“Lemme make you a deal,” I said instead, setting my nearly empty glass of milk down on the tray. The other two leaned in. “I’ll tell you something I’ve never told anyone in exchange for us never bringing up the topic of my crush again.”

“Deal,” Kamilla said without a moment of hesitancy.

Zephyr seemed a bit more cautious with his answer, but in the end, even he couldn’t pass up a deal like that.

“Fine,” he said with a nod. “Deal.”

I took a deep breath. I hadn’t been lying when I had said this was something I’d never told anyone. It was honestly embarrassing and pitiful, like the stupid cliche backstory of a rom-com character.

“I’m… insecure about…” I started, glancing down at the floor of my room, unable to look them in the eye as I said it. “My mother.”

“Your mother?” they asked in unison.

“Which one?” Kamilla continued.

“No, no,” I said. “My… real mother.”

I winced even as I said it. It felt so… harsh to use the word ‘real’, but I didn’t really have a better term to refer to her as.

“But…” Zephyr asked. I finally looked up to see his face. He wasn’t looking at me—luckily—but his expression did seem confused. “Aren’t they your real moms?”

He gestured towards the door, but I understood his reference to my parents downstairs.

“I mean, yeah, they are,” I said with an eye roll before my tone turned vulnerable again. “But… I mean, what about my… y’know… biological mother?”

“What about her?” Kamilla asked.

“Didn’t she… I don’t know… want me?”

I didn’t know why I was asking them. It wasn’t as if they knew her better than I did. But maybe they had something that could help me?

“I… don’t think that was the issue,” Zephyr said hesitantly, as if approaching a wild cat. When I glanced up, this time he was looking at me. “What I mean is, maybe she wasn’t able to have you? I mean, what if she was too young? Or in danger?”

“Or if her parents were against it,” Kamilla added, bringing in her opinion based on similar-ish experiences (what with the whole ‘lesbian’ issue).

“And?” I asked, as if none of this mattered.

“And,” Zephyr repeated. “What if she wanted you? What if she couldn’t have you? Couldn’t, not wouldn’t. What was the next best option?”

“Gee, I don’t know,” Kamilla said sarcastically. “Maybe, perhaps… adoption?”

I felt like a child. Stubborn and unwilling to see sense. Throwing a tantrum for no reason.

“Sorry,” I said, ashamed.

“Don’t be,” Zephyr said, his voice the most serious I’d ever heard. “You have every right to want to be wanted.”

“And you are,” Kamilla added.

You are wanted.