Hershel was home for the first time in the past 48 hours. He returned late, when Moishe and Natan and his family were already asleep, but the elder brother woke up and went into the living room to hear the news. Mom was struggling with insomnia and was up too, so she heated up dinner leftovers, which Hershel hadn’t touched and they went cold again.

Robert was sitting on the stairs, trying to listen in. He didn’t know most of the names and lingo but he didn’t need to. The gist was that the Northern mines were in deep trouble after the accident earlier this week and the board was looking for those responsible.

An explosion happened on the morning of a work day. Natan and Moishe were down in the shaft but on the other end of the mine, so, hearing the sirens, they returned to the surface safely and without knowing what exactly had happened. Something exploded at the North-Eastern shaft – the new, prestigious dig. But the board was silent. They even tried to make those evacuated from other shafts go back to work just several hours later. But the miners refused. Finally, the news started trickling in. Cave in, flooding, many dead. So many dead. Natan and Moishe haven’t returned to work since, instead going to the square in front of the Port Administration, together with other miners, and demanding guarantees of safety and transparency during investigation.

“Let me make you some hot brew,” mom sighed as the conversation lulled.

“No, I should be going back.” Hershel said evenly.

“Harry, it’s midnight! You can’t be serious!”

“Every moment I am not present, my loyalty to the company gets questioned.”

“This is nonsense,” Natan snorted in disgust. “They are squeezing you and your colleagues dry. What you should do is come with us to the square tomorrow. Tell your story. Show solidarity.”

Hershel let out a little unpleasant ‘ha’. “You do realise that 80% of my problems are your lazy asses and your stupid strike?”

“How dare you!” Natan got to his feet. Robert grimaced and moved a couple of steps up, just in case an actual fight broke out. He didn’t want to be spotted. “74 people died while you sat on your butts complaining about productivity and production plans! And we are supposed to just go back like obedient cattle?!”

“If you cared about the mine and about Port, you would know that without meeting quotas, this place would be useless to the SOI! And when they decide to close the mines, all the orbital trains will stop coming. And good luck growing protein in the desert for the remaining population!”

“We would have been meeting quotas if your people didn’t cut the maintenance positions over the past years, so that now we have to fix everything that is not a drill on our own!”

“Enough, enough!” Golda tried to push the brothers apart.

“I am bringing most of the money to this family, and this is the gratitude I get?!” Hershel spat.

“Please, Harry, everyone is on the edge.”

“You can shove your money up your arse, Hershel. And when your kind kills me with your total disregard for who makes this whole place spin – don’t bother buying me a fancy coffin.”

“Natan! Don’t say such things!”

“Enough, mom!” Natan shoved his chair away loudly. “Look at him! People like him? They are the ones who killed dad!”

A clatter indicated plates and utensils being thrown to the floor, and Hershel rushed out of the living room and through the front door. Mom started sobbing. Natan sighed and got to cleaning the mess from the floor.

Quietly, Robert climbed up the stairs and returned to his room. The lamp above his workbench didn’t illuminate much but he didn’t bother turning it off. Falling into his bed, he pulled out his interface where the chat app was open.

[00:08:43] Roboter: Sorry, babe, can’t get out today. Family shit [frustrated-face]

[00:09:04] Moonlight_Gazer: noooooooo [crying][crying][crying]

[00:09:45] Moonlight_Gazer: it’s so good outside! I’ve been waiting for like half an hour! [angry-face]

[00:10:59] Roboter: I know, I was looking forward to it. No way I can sneak past with my mom still up.

[00:11:25] Roboter: And you know. She’ll ground me for even breathing wrong and shit.

[00:11:52] Moonlight_Gazer: [crying]

[00:12:04] Moonlight_Gazer: tomorrow?

[00:12:15] Roboter: Yeah

[00:12:19] Roboter: For sure

Robert let the interface drop to his chest and glared at the dark ceiling. He really liked Anka but having a girlfriend proved to be a logistical nightmare despite them being neighbours. Her parents, just as the majority of the adults living nearby, considered Robert a bad influence and would never approve of him and Anka dating. For the past month, they managed to spend time together after school and on the hill and occasionally in the back room of a local dance party. He loved just letting her sit on his lap while kissing her, properly, with tongue, and recently she let him explore under her t-shirt. He was hoping they were going somewhere even more exciting. But then the school ended, and it was summer, and Robert was forced to find a job and their usual meeting place got locked.

[00:24:03] Moonlight_Gazer: still no chance for me to just sneak into your room?

Robert pulled his knees together and took a slow breath while sucking on the insides of his cheeks. He couldn’t even properly indulge himself with a fantasy of what they could’ve been doing if Anka did sneak into his room.

[00:25:43] Roboter: [crying] Nope, he is here till 26th

He turned his head and glared into the semi-darkness. They moved the bed down several months ago because Natan’s daughter was getting too big for her crib. Instead, an old sofa had been moved up to act as a temporary sleeping place. There, wrapped into a blanket and occasionally sniffing, Nikolai was sleeping, having returned yesterday for the school break.

This was the first time he was back in 5 months. He had a growth spurt, now being almost as tall as Robert and looking less like a child; his fluffy blond hair grew long enough to fall over his eyes; in the dim light, his skin looked paper-white, almost transparent. They haven’t exchanged a single message since Nikolai left Port over 9 months ago. They barely spoke when he came over for New Year’s celebrations. And with all the drama, Robert had to pick him up from the airfield yesterday, and Nikolai remained silent on the way home.

It was weird remembering how they used to spend most of their time together. Now, they were strangers. Moreover, the age gap felt impossibly large. What could a 14-years-old understand about what Robert had to deal with at 16? What did a student of an academy for the gifted understand about facing the last year of free school before he had to make a career choice that would define the rest of his life? What would a thin pretty boy know about struggles of attracting a girlfriend while being fat and ugly?

[00:32:45] Moonlight_Gazer: guess, I’m going to bed then

[00:32:51] Moonlight_Gazer: sleep well, baby [winking-face][kissing][pink-heart]

[00:33:10] Roboter: [red-heart]

Robert turned to face the wall with a huff and closed his eyes. Just four weeks, and Nikolai would return to Base, to his stupid academy for stupid talented kids. And then Anka could sneak into his room, and they would do so many fun things together which he absolutely should not visualise right now because no way he could masturbate without waking Nikolai up.

If only the stupid kid would stop letting out these stupid sniffs, that kept sending shivers up Robert’s spine. He got unused to sharing a room with anyone. He was just thinking about Anka, that’s why his body kept reacting to someone else’s proximity. And why was Nikolai allowed to grow his hair so long, when Rob had to get a buzz cut every other month? It looked so soft. Anka’s hair wasn’t soft, but it was still nice. Robert wondered what his own hair would be like if he could grow it out. Probably also not soft. Nobody in Port had soft hair. Only stupid boys coming from who-knows-where had soft hair. 

And it was unfair Nikolai was getting taller. Robert was already not the tallest in his class, he didn’t need a guy two years younger outgrowing him. Which meant Nikolai had two years longer to grow, which was fucking unfair. Natan, Hershel, and Moishe were all tall, but Robert wasn’t, because he took after his father in absolutely everything and, judging by the old photos, the guy was shorter than his mom. Anka was a bit taller than Rob but he didn’t mind. Girls were always taller than boys until closer to twenty, or that’s what he’d read online. Still, it was too early for Nikolai to get this tall. He was getting tall like girls were getting tall. And he had fluffy long hair like girls had. And pink lips. And he cried constantly, or at least used to, just like girls did. And he asked Robert that one time if he was a girl, because he did some girly things. But despite having a pretty face, Nikolai wasn’t a girl.

Robert distantly wondered what the fuck was this train of thought. Then, he was finally asleep.