The next day, there were more people on the square in front of the Port Administration and many of them didn’t look like miners. Perhaps, family. Perhaps, people who wanted to show ‘solidarity’ that Natan talked about. Robert didn’t know and didn’t care. He didn’t want to think about shit going on in the mines. He wanted to do nothing with the mines, despite it being the direction his life was heading to.

Robert was working at the hardware store a street away from the Administration so he could hear the echoes of speeches and the occasional angry chant but he tried his best not to listen in. Instead of it being a weekends position initially, he had to work full days during summer, and it was killing his back. Mr Dubois, the owner and the guy who hired him as a favour to his mom, tried giving him tips on how not to lift with your back, but Rob still hasn't figured out that technique. If he was choosing between bending forward and squatting, he would always choose bending forward. There was one thing he liked about this job – he was developing quite a prominent bicep; it wasn’t necessarily visible, but he could totally feel it when touching his arms.

There wasn’t much business this week, as most of the people who were free on workdays were at the square (though, a couple showed up earlier to buy stuff to make signs to wave around). Mr Dubois gave Robert the task of changing the contents of the outside shelf and walked off to check the situation with the strike. Alone and unsupervised, Rob took the heavier stuff down, noticed that the shelf was a bit wobbly and has been busy fixing it since; it was more fun than hauling boxes and cans around. 

Well, technically, he wasn’t alone. Nikolai was sitting on the porch in the shade of the awning, focused on whatever coding he was doing on his personal interface. Robert wasn’t supposed to supervise him, but Natan left the guy here before heading for the square, and Nikolai didn’t wander off.

They still haven’t exchanged a single word.

“Baby!”

Robert straightened up and stretched, wincing at the cold trails of sweat running down his back. Fuck, why was he always so gross in summers? He turned around to see Anka cross the street in a run and smiled sourly. 

“Hey, babe,” it was kinda nice how they called each other ‘baby’. Well, he cringed at first, but after a week he got used to it. And other guys stopped teasing him about it.

Anka threw her arms around him and kissed him, and Robert almost stopped caring about anything else, though he still tried to dry his palms over his jeans. When they pulled apart, he remembered to hug her around the waist.

“Oh, hi.” Anka looked down and to the side with an incredulous half-smile.

Robert looked over to see Nikolai staring up at them wide-eyed, as if watching a fascinating nature documentary.

“Hello.” He said politely and returned to his interface, losing any interest.

Robert exchanged amused glances with Anka and shrugged. “Just ignore him,” he muttered. 

She bit her lower lip, thoughtfully. “I didn’t even recognise him at first,” she whispered. “He looks so different, almost like a real guy. Does he have a girlfriend?”

“How the fuck would I know, I didn’t ask.” Rob raised his eyebrows, baffled.

“We should totally introduce him and Lilou!”

“Girl, Lilou is almost 17.”

“So what?” Anka shrugged. “He is totally her type.”

“He is nooone’s type.” Robert grumbled and tried to change the subject. “Uh…sorry about yesterday.”

“It’s fine.” Anka said with a sigh. She pulled out of the hug as she noticed a smudge on her white dress from Robert’s work overalls. “But you promised about tonight, right?”

He nodded, trying not to show his own annoyance. She was the one to tackle him after all. “Yep, for sure. I’ll walk the roofs if needed.”

“Yeah, just keep me informed.” She didn’t look enthusiastic anymore, and the smudge grew wider while she tried to rub it off. “Uhm, I was on my way, actually. Gotta hurry. Bye!” 

Robert rubbed at the front of his overalls angrily. Oh, this had to be the paint from the old leaking cans he moved earlier. No way Anka’s dress could be washed off from this shit. Yikes. Hopefully, she wouldn’t be too upset.

He sat down heavily next to Nikolai and grumbled: “What’s your problem then? Never seen people kissing before?”

Nikolai looked up, thoughtfully. “Mmm… Not this close, no. Not when one of them is you.”

Robert was surprised he actually replied. He even sounded less childish now. “What’s that supposed to mean? You thought no girl would like me?”

Nikolai frowned slightly, glancing at the side of Robert’s head. “I didn’t think that. You asked and I answered as it is. This is the first time I’ve seen you kiss anyone.”

“Yeah, that’s what I do now. Deal with it.”

“Uh-huh.” There was a pause. “It also looked like she was trying to inhale your face whole.”

“That’s how kissing looks, dumbass.”

“If you say so.” Nikolai went back to coding, a small smile on his lips. 

Well, this was almost a proper conversation now. Robert tapped his fingers on his knees, trying to come up with something else to say. He didn’t want to fall back into heavy silence. “Don’t worry, we’ll find you a girlfriend soon.”

“Nah.” It was said so easily, Robert turned with a snort.

“What? Scared?”

“Nah.” 

“14 is a perfect age to get a girlfriend.” None of Robert’s friends dated at 14, as far as he knew, but some kids from his class did. “Better get that practice in early.”

“What for?” Nikolai actually sounded annoyed now.

“You know. So you can move to more fun things earlier.”

“Like what?”

A shiver ran down Robert’s spine. Fuck, did nobody ever talked to this guy about pistils and stamens and shit? Was he not curious about it to browse some questionable boards way too early in his life, the way everyone else did? “Like sex?”

Nikolai recoiled in disgust, his face scrunched. “Eugh, no thank you.”

Robert wanted to laugh but something in Nikolai’s expression stopped him. The guy looked genuinely disturbed. And he was staring back at his interface, only not coding anymore, a defensive tilt to his head. He was tense and clearly wished to be left alone.

Well. Whatever. Robert sighed, got to his feet and returned to fixing the shelf. A chant picked up at the square once again. Despite not wanting to, he could determine the words: “TELL US THE TRUTH!”

Robert and Anka startled apart when they heard hurried footsteps. They were on the roof of the Hoffmans house, just above his room, where nobody would see them as long as they stayed horizontal. It was past midnight and so the majority of neighbours already went to bed; most of the adults worked at one mine or another, and that implied very early waking hours. Even with the strike, the habits were hard to break. 

And yet, someone entered the alley, crossed the communal space between the buildings, and entered the door below them.

“That has to be Hershel,” Robert muttered and tried to pull Anka back to him, but she wriggled away. She sat up and adjusted her dress with an annoyed sigh. “Babe…”

“Don’t ‘babe’ me.” Anka glared at him, as if all of this was his fault, somehow. “This is bull. There has to be a better place.”

Robert sat up too with an annoyed sigh. Girls and their fucking mood swings. The first girl Rob ever kissed was Dezzie, and she immediately slapped him across the face. (Yeah, maybe he had misread the situation, but still, what the fuck?) Technically, Anka was the second, however there was also that time Anka’s friend Vesna kissed him, but that was really random and he wasn’t the one who initiated it. And then she never talked about it with him, so it just proved his point.

“I am looking for one, okay? But I am spending over 6 hours a day at that stupid store so it’s not like I have much time…”

“How’s that my problem?” Anka pouted and started brushing bits of old dust from her hair. “I am tired of feeling like some kind of criminal, hiding in dark corners, simply because I want to spend time with my boyfriend.” Another accusatory glare. “As if it’s deviant.”

“Yeah, fuck me, I guess, that your parents forbade you to hang out with me.” Robert scowled. It’s been some time since he let anger come to the surface, but he was tired, hurting from all the work, and sexually frustrated, so he could as well stop pretending to be the innocent little dandelion the enforcers office insisted he should be in case he wanted to stay off the watch list. 

Anka rolled her eyes. “If I cared for what they think, I wouldn’t have started dating you.”

“Then what’s your problem? I am trying my best here, sneaking out despite how it would land me in big trouble if found out. Doing things you ask. Tolerating all the ‘baby’s and stuff.”

“What’s wrong with that?!” Anka looked insulted. “It’s just what you call your boyfriend. It’s affectionate!”

“Yeah, whatever, it’s cringy. But I roll with it, being patient and all.”

“Patient?! Do you even like hanging out with me?”

Robert groaned in exasperation. “Of course I do. But it’s been so long, and we haven’t moved past kid stuff.”

“You call this ‘kid stuff’???”

“You know what I mean.”

Anka got up to her feet with a disgusted grimace. “Ugghhh. You are such a pervert! Only thinking about your dick!”

Robert rolled his eyes so much it hurt. “Yeah, try finding a guy who doesn’t.”

“Maybe I should!” She slid down from their spot and walked over to the Auerbach’s house and then further across the rooftops without looking back. 

Robert turned away and glared up into the dark sky. Unfair. Unreasonable. She was just spoiled. She could spend her last school summer without being forced to work. She didn’t have three brothers and a weird brain-fucked roommate to feed. Why even date the guy from the poorest family in the block if you were going to complain about it all the way through? And he wasn’t a pervert for just wanting to have sex with his girlfriend. What else did she expect it all to be about?

He crawled down the side and into the little window of the attic, then down the ladder to the top landing of the stairs. He could hear Moishe snoring in his room and Nikolai tossing and turning on the other side. Mom was talking downstairs and there was something very urgent in her tone so Robert carefully sneaked down the steps even though what he wanted the most was to lock himself in a bathroom and jerk off.

Natan wasn’t woken up by Hershel’s arrival (or chose not to get up), so it was only Golda who sat with him in the living room. She was squeezing Hershel’s elbow and leaning heavily on him, her whispering clear in the silence of the house.

“Harry, you really shouldn’t.”

As Hershel spoke up, Robert realised he was crying. “And hear Nate call me an accomplice in dad’s death once again? No, mom. I will show him. I will show everyone.”

“Natan overreacted.”

“He just said out loud what the rest of them have been thinking about me for years. I am not going to let it stand. I worked every waking moment to get where I am, to give our family a chance at a better life. And they think I spit into the ceiling the whole day and ‘exploit’ them and all the other nonsense they are into-”

“Harry, when was the last time you’ve slept or eaten? You are exhausted, you are not making sense.”

“I am making all the sense. My mind is clearer than it has been in years. Just like the Atonement Fast you keep pestering us about.“

Mom slapped him on the hand slightly. “Shush. This is not the right time and not how it should be observed.”

“Whatever, you know what I mean. I have made my decision, nothing you say will stop me.”

Golda started crying and by the sound of it pulled Hershel into a tight hug.

Robert didn’t dare move in fear of being heard. He felt like he eavesdropped on something very dangerous.