Content Warning: This chapter includes themes of emotional abuse, neglect, and mental health struggles. Reader discretion is advised.

Finals are over. One of the best feelings is finishing finals without failing. Even though I don’t like the course I’m taking, I still do my best. My step-mother chose the course for me. It’s about business. The good thing is that they don’t even give me my tuition, they even chose the school I’ll attend. And yes, I really have no freedom. Whether I’m with them or not.

“Does that mean you’re on vacation or not?” Jonah asked while there were no customers in line.
I shook my head and smiled.

“There are still a few days before vacation. But the important thing is that finals are over.” I sigh in relief.

Even though I have a job, I make sure I study hard. And I need to be in the honor list because my step-mother always checks. The pressure is real but even though it’s hard and painful, I can handle it.

“Oh, by the way. Are you using the ointment I gave you for your wounds on your face?”
I touched my cheek. Even though it’s been a few days, the marks of my step-mother’s beating are still there.

“Yes, thank you for that.” Jonah just smiled at me and we immediately went back to work when customers started lining up.

After my shift, I went home right away. I slumped on the sofa and as usual, I stared at the ceiling as if I would get rich just by staring. And when I made sure my body had rested, I washed up. Because there’s nothing I need to do at school, I can read a novel now. I have a series I’m reading, so I don’t even notice the book Tamara lent me.

While sitting on the bed reading, someone rang the doorbell. I was wondering who it was, but I immediately got up and went out of the room. I slowly opened it and almost popped my eyes out when I saw who was outside.

“D-Dad.” I whispered. He smiled sweetly.

“Can I get inside?” He asked softly and I immediately woke up to reality.

I immediately nodded and stepped aside so he could pass. When he sat on the sofa, I closed the door and walked in front of him.

“Umm…what would you like? Have you eaten? Aaah…water?”

My hands almost cut themselves from my own pinch. I don’t know what’s happening to me. My father visits me several times a month. And every time we meet, especially here in my apartment, I can’t help but get flustered or nervous, as if I can’t be still. I rarely go to their mansion unless they invite me, but if not, I can’t go.

Why? Is it because I’m excited that my only ally, my blood, my family is here? I don’t know either. It’s just that the system I feel every time he’s here is always messed up. Like a child who doesn’t know what to show first that she has achieved in her life.

“Anything, sweetheart, and no. I didn’t eat yet. Have you eaten?” He patted the part next to him where he was sitting and I slowly sat down there.

“N-No, Dad.” I whispered. He immediately nodded and smiled.

“I’ll order something? Or we should cook?” He asked but I remained looking down. It’s a good thing it’s not too bright here in the living room so he won’t notice my expressions.

“Y-You decide.”

He laughed and briefly called his butler. While waiting for his butler, he started asking questions that made me nervous.

“By the way. I heard from my butler that my wife and your sister came here.” I closed my eyes at what he said but I slowly nodded.

“Really? Your sister tells me that you have a part-time job?” Shit.

I was about to answer when the door suddenly opened and my father’s butler entered. He immediately locked it and placed a lot of plastic on my table.

“Let’s eat!” My father put his arm around me and pulled me towards the table.

Because it was a bit dark, I immediately turned on the light in the kitchen. And when our eyes met, my father’s butler’s eyes widened.

Huh? Why? Is there a ghost?

I was about to turn around when I remembered the wounds and bruises on my cheek.

“Ma’am, how are you feeling?” I stopped and my father stopped at his butler’s question. My father immediately looked at me and with wide eyes, he approached and stroked my cheek.

“Who the fck did this?”

“I think sir, your wife and your daughter did it the time they went here a few days ago.” I looked at the butler with wide eyes and immediately shook my head.

It can’t be, it can’t be that my father finds out.

“What?” My father looked at me and angrily ruffled his hair.

I shook my head several times but no voice came out of my mouth. Why?
“I heard shouting outside your apartment, ma’am, and several times begging her to stop. Forgive me if I couldn’t help you. Madam scared me because she said she would finish off my family if I interfered. I couldn’t do anything because Sir was in another country. This is the only time I can make up for it.” He immediately bowed and I shook my head while tears fell.

What now? She told me not to let my father know. But…my father is on my side, right? Why am I still scared?

My father took a deep breath and hugged me tightly. He apologized several times and told me not to worry because it would never happen to me again. Because of this, my tears flowed and I hugged him tightly while sobbing, finally I have someone to hug and who is willing to defend me. I can’t cover up what my stepmother is doing to me anymore. My father found out what his wife was doing.

I want to tell and explain to my father that I understand my family’s anger towards me, but because of my father’s hug, the ice I put around myself suddenly melted because of the warmth of the hug. As if for the first time, I want to remember myself in the embrace of a father.

For the first time, in all these years, I’ve been thinking about them, my whole life, I’ve been thinking about them, only now will I understand myself.

I peeked at my father’s butler and smiled at him, a smile of gratitude. He didn’t save me from that day, but he saved me now and in the days to come.

After my crying moment, my father calmed me down and comforted me, giving me assurance that it wouldn’t happen again. We started eating together, the three of us, happily, hoping it would always be repeated. For now, even for this day, I’ll be blind to the reality of my life. And that is to be with my father.

“Take care, I love you so much my daughter.” He kissed me on the forehead before leaving.

After that day, I was nervous. I’m sure my stepmother and sister found out that my father found out what they did to me. Maybe because I’m in reality now, I’m feeling scared, scared of their revenge if possible. Because I’m sure they’ll be angry, the mother and daughter are so OA, I just called my sister a sister, the vastness of the problem they thought of. When it comes to me, they’ll do everything they can overthink.

That’s why my last name is different when I was born into the world. They won’t know whose child I am because my stepmother cleaned up everything.

Even if something as small as an ant happens, if I’m the one who did it, they see it as big as the world.

But what I find strange is that nothing happened after a few weeks.

“Last day! We’re on vacation.” My classmate said happily. We were about to leave when our Professor called me.

I said goodbye to my classmates and approached my professor.

“Umm…yes ma’am?” I got nervous when I saw her sigh.

“I’m sorry to say but you failed some of your major subjects.”

The world seemed to split and I was the one who got hit. It’s like I was poured with cold water and I couldn’t move from my position. I grabbed the side of the professor’s table to get strength from it. I can’t feel anything, it’s like I’m floating.

I was stunned for a few minutes and out of myself before I had the strength to ask.

“Why? I-I saw my s-scores in e-every activity and exam, all of them are…p-passing.” I whispered tearfully, the professor shook her head and smiled sadly.

“I’m sorry,” she said and left without any proper explanation or reason why I failed.

I sat on the floor and covered my mouth while sobbing.

Why? How? What happened?

I kept asking myself over and over again while crying in the classroom. Holding my chest while sobbing in pain. I did everything! And I can see that everything is okay, why? Why did I fail? And why did some of my majors fail? Why?!

I don’t know, I don’t know how I got the strength and saw myself sitting on my sofa, stunned and crying. I just cried and cried while hugging myself.

What am I going to do? What am I going to do?

I don’t know anymore. It hurts so much.

The only sound in the whole apartment was crying, sobbing, painful screams.

I felt like I was crazy, pulling my own hair and sobbing for hours.

Until I just saw myself closing my tired eyes full of tears. Hoping this is just a bad dream. Even though I was falling asleep, I could still hear my painful sobs, and questions that were all why and how.

The next day.

It hurts, but I slowly opened my eyes. I stared at the ceiling, it’s true what happened yesterday. I bit my lip and slowly started crying again.

“It hurts so much.” And I continued crying.

I cried for hours again, a morning that should have been greeted with joy, but because of the pain I felt, I greeted the morning with tears that I didn’t know when they would stop.

While crying and lying on the sofa staring at the floor, I saw my cell phone on the floor and Jonah calling. I didn’t want to answer but I slowly reached for it.

“H-hello?” I whispered, as if I was out of myself.

“A-Autumn! My god. I’m sorry, I did everything I could. I fought for you but.” I heard her sobs that made me sit down on the sofa.

“J-Jonah, what’s happening?”

I heard Jonah’s loud cry before she spoke.

“You’re fired.” She said tearfully, which made me even weaker.

I dropped my cell phone and just cried again, what’s happening again? Why? Why does it have to happen all at once.

I screamed loudly and hit everything I could hit. Endless screams with painful tears.

Until I just saw myself in front of the café even though I was still wearing my uniform from yesterday, my face didn’t know what to show, I felt like the pain was racing. Tears that I didn’t know if they would ever end.

I opened the door, there were customers, Jonah saw me right away. She ran to me and hugged me.

“Jonah! Didn’t we tell you, tell that woman that she’s fired?” I stared at, our boss.

I tearfully pulled Jonah and knelt before our boss, even though there were many people looking, I didn’t care, I didn’t feel anything. I cried and looked up.

“Ma-am, why? I did everything. I was a good employee.” I whispered softly, even my voice was running out.

“Get out, I need to cut down on employees. I don’t need someone like you. Get her out!”

She left in front of me and I was about to chase her when my…former co-workers stopped me.

“Ma’am! I’m begging you…have mercy on me..I’m begging you ma’am…please please.” I shouted, hoping that maybe, she would turn around.

But no, until my eyes blurred and I felt myself being taken away from the place that was my last hope. Until I just saw myself kneeling outside the café, hugging and crying Jonah. I feel like I’m dying…can I? I don’t want to anymore.

“Autumn!” Even though I didn’t turn around, I knew it was Tamara, and until I just felt myself passing out.

Darkness ate me up, hopefully forever. I can’t fight anymore. My whole life, I don’t want to anymore.

I woke up, but why? Why do I have to wake up. I slowly looked around, I was in the hospital, my father’s wonderful family was here. Jonah and Tamara were crying. My father who had hardly slept, my smirking stepmother, and my sister and brother.

“What happened?”

“You didn’t eat food for one whole month!”

And then I suddenly remembered why I ended up here in the hospital. I was out of it for a month, I felt like I was floating in my apartment. All I felt was the endless flow of my tears and questions about why this happened to me? Why all at once.

I know Jonah and Tamara didn’t abandon me, but because they have their own lives, sometimes they have to leave me. And that’s when I neglect myself. My father didn’t know either, they probably found out because of Tamara.

 My father said a lot more but I just saw myself staring at the ceiling, as usual, at the white ceiling.

I don’t know how many minutes or hours I stared at the ceiling, when I heard the doctor’s voice. I slowly peeked at him and he was injecting me. Until my vision blurred with tears and before I closed my eyes completely, I looked back at them all.

Before closing my eyes slowly.

Is this my freedom? Is it over?