This woman’s voice was comforting, while my mind is still a mess. Why did I think of that?

It was strange, dreaming of that house again—the marquess’s estate. My childhood there was hell. 

At some point, I stopped wanting love from my father. But when I was a child, I wanted it since what followed love was acceptance. To be accepted by those people…I must have been desperate then. It’s so unfair to know I’m the only one carrying the burden of having these memories.

I look over at the young woman bustling about. She seemed to be everywhere and anywhere. Her round, freckled face is framed by a messy halo of auburn hair that refuses to stay tucked under her bonnet.

“You must’ve had a nightmare,” Her brown eyes light up and curve as she watches me stir. “C’mere my dear.” Her voice must’ve been the one I heard when I woke up—warm and soothing with a country lilt that made her words sound like a hug. She must be from a territory out south; if I remember correctly, there’s a lot of rural farmland there.

“Ah! I know, you must be hungry.” Well, I can’t remember the last time I was bottle-fed. Now that she mentions it, I am a bit hungry. I look up at her, expectedly. I didn’t even notice her adjusting her blouse at first. Before I could register what was happening, she guided me to her chest and—

Oh no, oh no. Oh gods no.

No, no, no, no—

My body betrayed me.

My tiny mouth instinctively latched onto her breast before I could protest. The milk is warm, without much taste, before it is rich and oddly comforting—I’m satiated despite the sheer humiliation of it all. I wanted to recoil burn I was hungry

“There you go,” the woman murmurs, “You’re just like my little Sylvain. He’s about a few months older than you, y’know? Such a sweet boy, but a bit of a handful, that one.” She laughs softly for a moment with a wistful look, like she’s recalling something fondly. “ You’re just like him, though. Got that same determined look when you’re hungry.”

Determined look? Nothing of the sort. I’m not determined, I’m mortified, horrified even!

There was no stopping my traitorous body as it continued to feed. I can do nothing but endure it for the time being. When I’ve finally had my fill, she hoists me over her shoulder, gently patting my back.

“Alright! Let’s get those bubbles out, hmmm?”

My response is an undignified burp. “There we are. Such a good girl.”

Before I could endure further humiliation, the door to the nursery flew open with a dramatic bang, and what followed was a whirlwind of energy.

“Julian!” the young woman scolds, turning to face the intruder while fixing back her blouse. “How many times have I told you not to slam doors like that? You could’ve woken up the baby!”