My eyelids fluttered open and I rolled over in bed, groggy. My head pounded with the usual headache. I’d probably dreamt of my past life again, which would explain why I felt like crap.

Scanning my room, everything seemed in its usual place. My bed was tucked into the corner, with the door set in the opposite one. Next to the head of my bed, an open casement window let in a soft breeze. Across the room, a wooden desk and wardrobe stood against the wall. The stool from the desk had been moved to the window, where Ronan now sat, gazing out at the green hills and grey skies beyond Damerel. The rumble of thunder could be heard from outside.

A thin blanket covered me, and a flat pillow supported my aching head. When I tried to sit up, my body trembled, and I collapsed back onto the bed.

“Don’t try to get up,” Ronan said, his voice detached as he kept his eyes on the stormy horizon. Since I couldn’t move anyway, I reluctantly took his advice.

“What happened?” I asked.

He finally turned to me; his expression uncharacteristically sombre. “You don’t remember?” I’d never seen him look like that before.

Frowning, I sifted through my scrambled memories, trying to piece things together. A late-evening chill crept through the open window, but I couldn’t recall why I would be in bed before nightfall. I vaguely remembered Ronan leaving early to visit the bakery, Freya being away in the capital, and me at home with my siblings. Following that thread, the day’s events slowly came back. My grogginess lifted, replaced by a sinking weight in my chest.

Forcing my aching body upright, I pressed a trembling hand to my upper abdomen, my breathing growing uneven. Tugging at the collar of my shirt, I looked down at my chest to see my wounds had been healed by someone, leaving behind a mangled scar in the shape of three long claw marks. By the time I released the fabric, my memories had returned. Raising my head slowly, I met Ronan’s gaze.

He leaned forward, his forearms resting on his knees, hands clasped together. “Tell me what happened.”

His expression told me that he already knew Elian was dead—and likely that I’d awakened too. His icy stare, so unlike his usual self, felt oppressive.

“I… I…” I wetted my lips, struggling to steady myself. “I knew I was about to awaken… so I went to the woods. Th-that way, I wouldn’t hurt anyone.” I stammered the initial lie, barely able to form the words. But after that, I continued truthfully, telling him everything I remembered—every detail—up until the moment I fell unconscious from the backlash.

When I finished, Ronan hung his head, murmuring softly. “Instinct…”

I thought he might lash out and throttle me, his hands curling as if to resist the urge, but to my surprise, he just sat there. A tense silence filled the room, my chest constricting with each second that passed. Without looking at me he rose and closed the window.

“Get some rest,” he said, walking towards the door.

I stared at him, stunned. “Aren’t you angry with me?” I blurted out. The words left my mouth before I could stop them, and I braced myself, certain the question would make him fly into a rage.

He paused, his hand hovering over the handle for several seconds. “Oh… I almost forgot,” he said quietly. “Congratulations on awakening.”

With that, he opened the door and left, closing it softly behind him.

The emotionless words settled in my stomach alongside a writhing knot, making me wish he’d shouted or shown anger instead. After a few seconds of silence, I felt an enormous surge of mana on the other side of the door, followed by a loud bang, as though someone had struck a wall. The mana signature then decreased, and I heard his slow and heavy footsteps begin walking away.

Leaning back against the headboard, I went still, staring blankly at the ceiling like a lifeless doll. Over and over, visions of earlier that day replayed in my mind. I sucked in deep breaths, trying to fight the wave of emotions building inside me.

For the first time in either of my lives, tears blurred my vision and streamed down my face. Surprised, I raised a hand to my cheek and felt the water running over my fingers. I held my hand out in front of me, watching the droplets slide off and fall.

The door handle turned, and I hastily tried to wipe the tears from my face as the door swung open. Haela ran in crying, with Chione trailing silently behind her. They stopped at my bedside, Haela reaching out a trembling hand. “Waah. K-Kane-” 

I raised my arm and smacked her hand away without thinking. She recoiled, clutching her hand to her chest as though I’d burned her.

“Don’t touch me,” I hissed, tears forming again and blurring my vision.

I hate you.

Haela’s face twisted with betrayal, and her cries grew louder. She instead turned to Chione, wrapping her arms around her sister as she sobbed. Chione didn’t move to comfort her; she only glared at me.

“Still the same as ever,” she said, her voice sharp with venom. “I’m so glad you’re okay."

Get out, I wanted to yell. I hate you. I hate you more than you could ever know.

Haela’s wails filled the room, but Chione remained unmoved, her scowl fixed on me.

“So, you awakened… congratulations,” Chione spat. “To awaken at your age, you must be a genius,” 

Shut up. You’re all so lucky. You’ll never know how good you’ve had it. My teeth clenched, and my hands gripped the edge of the blanket so tightly they ached. Her words barely registered in my mind, as if I’d sunk into a deep pool of water that blocked the noise. Her voice seemed distant, drowned out by the swirl of emotions threatening to engulf me.

“You must be so proud of yourself,” she continued, her ironic words laced with obvious mockery. “I’m sure there’s no one as gifted as you in the entire world.”

Why is it always me? My body shook with suppressed anger and a foreign sense of grief. What did I do to deserve this? I thought it’d be different in this life.

Haela glanced up at her sister, her voice trembling. “Chione don’t be mad. Please don’t be mad. It wasn’t his fault. Don’t be mad,” she pleaded, loosening her hold on Chione and looking between us, her small face filled with anxiety. I couldn’t even bring myself to look at the two of them.

Leave. I hate you.

“I hope it was worth it,” Chione said coldly, ignoring Haela’s pleas.

My body stilled. “Get out,” I murmured.

Choline’s eyes narrowed. “So you can speak-”

“Get out!” I roared, cutting her off as I finally turned to glare at her. Tears threatened to fall as I failed to suppress my emotions.

Haela stood frozen between us, glancing back and forth, her face pale with worry. Chione said nothing more. Her lips pressed into a tight line as she spun on her heel, her long black hair swishing as she stormed out and slammed the door behind her.

The sound reverberated through the silence. I took a shaky breath, and squeezed my eyes shut as fresh tears streamed down my face.

Why me? Why always me? I didn’t ask to be reborn like this. Why couldn’t I have just been born as Kane? Truly born as him. Now Elian is dead because of me. First, I erased a brother none of you will ever meet. Then I killed the one who wanted to love you. And I’m still here, living another life designed to punish me.

My body trembled with silent sobs, each one wracked with guilt and grief. Then I felt something warm against me. Opening my eyes, I saw Haela had climbed onto the bed, wrapping her small arms around my waist and burying her face in my chest. 

Her tears soaked through my shirt, and her tiny body shook as she sobbed. “Don’t be mad. Please don’t be mad,” she repeated, her voice muffled against me.

Slowly, I raised a hand and rested it on her head. My breathing steadied, and my heartbeat, though heavy, slowed. “Thank you,” I whispered.

“Kane…” she mumbled against my chest, her tiny hands gripping my shirt tightly. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

I leaned my head against the headboard, and although my tears finally stopped falling, they still stained my cheeks. I didn’t try to wipe them away, and instead stared silently at the ceiling. Haela’s cries softened as I hesitantly stroked her hair. Gradually, her small body relaxed, and she fell asleep. The knot in my stomach loosened slightly, but refused to disappear.

We lay there as the hours passed and night fell. The storm drifted into the distance, replaced by soft moonlight that shone through the window, bathing me and Haela in its glow. I yawned, my body sore and lethargic, but my thoughts refused to let me rest. In my mind, I pictured my sisters frantically alerting the neighbours after Elian had run into the forest. 

The villagers and Ronan making their way to the forest only to find the bloody scene. 

Elian’s torn body lying lifelessly, ruined by the elemental spellfire of my awakening. 

The horror of the townspeople as they looked at the favourite village boy’s corpse, killed by his brother’s stupidity. 

Ronan's light disappearing as he holds his son's dead body. 

The deep black eyes of the Koukougriff silently watching.

Haela stirred, snuggling closer to me. I didn’t wake her up or push her away. Instead, I continued stroking her hair gently. If Elian had survived instead of me, he would have tried his best to comfort everyone. But he was gone, and all they had left was me.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “You’re getting a really shitty replacement.” 

For the first time since it had formed, the knot in my stomach slowly began to unwind.

Turning to look out the window, I stared at the moon which illuminated the room in its silver glow.

Perhaps there was an afterlife I missed during my reincarnation.

“Don’t worry Elian, I’ll keep them alive. No matter what.”

Yawning, I let my heavy eyelids close. The knot in me hadn’t vanished, but for now, I allowed myself to rest.