As the sunlight gently hit Diego’s eyes, he stirred awake, adjusting to his surroundings once again. He was sprawled out on the guest bed, not realizing he’d fallen asleep so fast the night before. “SLEPT WELL, SLEEPYHEAD?” the loud voice practically yelled. 

Diego turned his head slightly, meeting eyes with two slimy black eyes. Diego screamed, falling off the bed in the process. He rubbed his eyes, thinking he was dreaming. “THE HELL ARE YOU SCREAMING FOR? SHOULDN’T I BE THE ONE DOING THE SCREAMING?” The ominous figure yelled again, looking over the edge of the bed, keeping his gaze keen on Diego. 

“SO, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT YEAH?” The figure said, thinking momentarily, “YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST CRASH FOR THE NIGHT UNNOTICED AND UNANNOUNCED? YOU DO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO TRESPASSERS RIGHT??” The figure said as he got closer to Diego, his face a few inches away from Diego’s.  

“SO?? ARE YOU AT LEAST GONNA INTRODUCE YOURSELF?? EXPLAIN WHY YOU'RE HERE?” Diego started to tremble violently, feeling extremely spooked and anxiety-ridden. 

The figure sighed and seemingly rolled his pitch-black eyes in annoyance, “I’LL DO IT FIRST SINCE YOU DON’T WANT TO. HI. HELLO. I’M MAYHEM O’GRASSI. I'M 23, MY BIRTHDAY IS FEB 22ND, I’M A PISCES, I'M 7’2,” AND I PROLLY SHOULDN’T TELL YOU, BUT SINCE YOU’RE GONNA DIE, I'M A SHAPESHIFTER.” Mayhem said as he raised an eyebrow, “TOO BAD YOU’RE KINDA HOT TOO… NOW, HOW TO DEAL WITH Y—“ 

Diego kicked Mayhem in the stomach as hard as he could, winding him in the process. “SHIT…” he mumbled, coughing up a bit of blood but then quickly wiping it off, “OKAY.. WASN’T EXPECTING THAT..” 

Still on the floor, Diego scooted away from Mayhem and ran for it. “GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE,” Mayhem screeched, running after Diego. Diego started to whine as he ran, but that didn’t go unnoticed. “ARE YOU WHINING LIKE A LITTLE BITCH?!” Mayhem roared at Diego. 

“MAYHEM,” Stephanie yelled, scaring Mayhem and causing him to trip over. “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?? CAN’T YOU SEE I’M BUSY?!” Mayhem barked as he got up and dusted himself off, “THE ONE TIME I’M TRYNA DO SOMETHING GOOD AROUND HERE YOU GET IN THE WAY!” 

“WELL, MAYBE IF YOU WEREN’T TRYING TO KILL OUR LATEST HIRE, I WOULDN’T HAVE SAID ANYTHING,” Stephanie yelled back. “...NEW HIRE..?” Mayhem stalled in shock. “ON-BASE OR OFF-BASE?” He asked, narrowing his gaze slightly, his back still turned to her. 

Regaining her composure, Stephanie responded in a slightly stressed tone, “He’s on-base, I mean.. we offered him a room and whatnot so I’m assuming he’s on-base?”  

Mayhem turned around, “..WHERE DID HE GO? I WANNA AT LEAST ASK HIM A QUESTION.” “What you should really be doing is apologizing,” Stephanie said as she crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow at Mayhem. “UGH, WHATEVER, LET’S JUST FIND HIM ALREADY.” Mayhem said, slight agitation in his voice before walking off.

Roaming the endless halls of headquarters in search of Diego, Mayhem and Stephanie fell silent. “SO.. WHAT’S HIS NAME..” Mayhem said, attempting to break the silence. 

“Diego,” Stephanie said, “Diego Rodriguez.” “HM… FOR SOMEONE LIKE THAT, I WAS EXPECTING SOMETHIN’ MORE INTERESTING…” Mayhem said, thinking as they strolled.

 “We need to find him, though; he’s supposed to take his test in half an hour. Can’t you just turn into a dog and sniff him out?” Stephanie asked, slightly aggravated.

 “THAT WOULD’VE BEEN A GOOD IDEA IF I KNEW WHAT HE SMELLED LIKE..” Mayhem stated, rubbing his chin as he thought, “IF I WERE A SCARED CRYBABY.. WHERE WOULD I BE.” 

“Mayhem, play nice.” Stephanie spoke, crossing her arms, “ Just because he got spooked by you doesn’t necessarily mean he’s a crybaby. We both know the scream I let out when we first met.” 

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Stephanie’s Flashback

Valentino walked into Stephanie’s office, “Steppie, I wanted to introduce you to our new hire!” “Oh?” Stephanie turned curiously. Mayhem walked in and waved, meeting eyes with Stephanie. “AAHH OH MY GOD!” She howled as she dropped the axe she was working on directly on her foot. She hissed in pain, “SHIT.” “Oh my gosh!” Valentino ran up to Stephanie, “Are you okay?” Amid the ongoing chaos, Mayhem timidly stepped out.

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Mayhem sighed, “OKAY.. FAIR POINT.. BUT WHAT IF HE LETS US DOWN? I MEAN, HE RAN AWAY FROM ME EARLIER.” 

“Mayhem,” Stephanie sighed, “you should be the last person asking that.” “OKAY BUT I PROVED YOU ALL WRONG, THAT’S THE DIFFERENCE WITH ME.” Stephanie face-palmed, then casually spoke, “I’m not gonna argue with you.” “HAHA!” Mayhem laughed, “DAMN RIGHT YOU WON’T BECAUSE YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT!!”

 Stephanie scoffed. ”That doesn’t mean you’re right just because I won’t argue with you, dumbass.” A loud, disorienting crash shook the building, alerting Mayhem and Stephanie. They rushed over to the sound to see what had occurred and saw Diego holding the massive mandibles of a 20-foot-tall spider, inches away from his face. He whimpered as he tried his best to hold it back from his face.

MAYHEM’S HUSH-BUSH

Valentino waved. “Hello, everyone! I–” Mayhem kicked the door down “ISN’T THIS MY THING? MY SEGMENT?” “Mayhem! I didn’t know you were back so soon!” Valentino said, with a bit of glee in his voice. “UGH, WELL, I’M HERE, AREN’T I??” he said as he snatched Valentino's cards and sat beside him on the couch. “ANYWAY, TODAY’S HUSH-HUSH OF THE—“

“Hush-hush? That’s what you call the secrets? That’s fairly int—“ “VALENTINO.” Mayhem yelled, silencing him, “AS I WAS SAYING, TODAYS HUSH-HUSH OF THE DAY! DID YOU KNOW THAT OUT OF EVERYONE IN THE SERIES, MY DESIGN HAS CHANGED THE LEAST? I’M JUST THAT ICONIC!”