“No, seriously now,” Derek told him, his tone changing to something more neutral. “Sofia can be a little demanding. Don’t take anything she says seriously, and don’t do anything she asks.”

"Um… okay? I guess?" He said, shrugging.

Matteo had already realized how things worked around here. The children were happy with every bit of attention, Sofia Gray was the absent wife and Derek was the provider of the house, something quite simple in his opinion. So, he didn't see any reason for so much drama.

He looked at the plate seeing that two pieces of toast had magically appeared on it and looked back at Derek.

"I guess I'll go then.”

“You usually eat more in the morning,” Derek said, ignoring him, and pushed the plate closer to Matteo.

"Me? No, I don't.”

"But you could. And what are you running from? She doesn't bite. At most Sofia might say a few not-so-kind words.”

“Really, I've been away from home for too long. I need to--”

“Nonsense.”

Derek didn't understand. He felt something strange... something that was going up his back and stopping halfway down his throat, something that hadn't happened in months. Matteo needed to get up and move, needed to bring back any sense of normalcy he could find, because staying here, in that friendly and calm environment, was far from what Matteo was used to. He had to--

Matteo dragged his chair back, unable to hold it any longer, and Derek stood up with him, holding him loosely by the arm, nothing that really held him in place, but for some reason that gentle gesture made him gasp, made him even more anxious, impatient, as though his skin wanted to escape from his body along with his lungs. He tried to do what his psychiatrist suggested and stopped in the middle of the next movement, in the exact place where Derek was holding him, less than a step away from the chair where he had previously sat; did he want to escape? Yes, but curiosity won, keeping him trapped in that kitchen to find out what Derek's next motive would be.

Derek handed him the container with the food from the day before and Matteo held it in his hands, feeling a little confused. That is, until he saw that on top of it there was a note and a hundred dollar bill. He turned the jar in his hand and read the message that said: “Thanks for the food” only to turn to Derek and for the first time look him straight in the eye, without hesitation. Derek made him feel guilty. Vulnerable. Important. It was like Matteo was cheating on the boyfriend who should have been waiting for him all night. And he didn't even have the guts to tell him; he hadn't even remembered during all this time that Will could have been worried. His mother too. And his sisters?

"What is this?" Matteo asked even though he didn't care, feeling a little out of it. Airy. Light.

"What do you think it is?”

"I can't accept it.”

“You will. I don’t accept refunds.” Derek smiled at him. Derek… Derek was actually smiling again. A smile so beautiful that this time Matteo knew he was being teased or mocked. No, Derek Moore was flirting with him.

"W-what?”

"You bought us food and then made more food. It's the least I can do to repay you.”

"Sir, I can't--”

Matteo shook his head. It was all wrong. Everything!

“Actually, where did you buy that food? It must have been expensive.”

That was when Matteo closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He counted to five very slowly and opened them again, just like the doctor had taught him. Maybe he shouldn't have stopped taking his medication. And as discreetly as he could, he moved his hands that were starting to shake and crossed them behind his back so they wouldn't notice. If he could just leave, maybe everything would be okay. Matteo hated this. Why was he so nervous if Derek was just asking about the restaurant? It was no big deal. So what if the man wanted to give him money? These situations shouldn't do this to Matteo. If he remembered that he was in control, everything would be okay. That's it. He was in control. He--

"Matteo? Are you okay?" He felt Derek's hands on his shoulders and let out a breath, not even realizing he had stopped breathing.

"I'm sorry. I have to go.”

"You're not even going to tell me where you bought the food?”

"I… went… went to a restaurant… that sells homemade lunch boxes… in the city center.”

"Do you need a ride?”

He waved, accepting the ride, but didn't move; Matteo wasn't even breathing, trying to act normal. He felt paralyzed, as if someone had chained him up and thrown him into the depths of the sea. He felt himself getting heavy and his vision was starting to get blurry, preventing him from seeing anything in front of him. He... he...

"Matteo, pay attention to me. Can you hear me? Breathe with me.”

He took a deep breath and let it out, this time feeling the weight in his chest ease.

“Again.”

Matteo took another deep breath and then his head fell forward, so light and empty that he found himself collapsing, feeling so good that the world finally made sense again. However, he didn't end up on the floor or face down on the table as he expected, no, now that things were back to normal he noticed that something firm and stable was holding him upright, giving him exactly what he needed. It was... it was Derek's chest breathing next to his, guiding his breathing, it was his head resting on the man's shoulder and it was the large hands that caressed his back over his shirt. Matteo couldn't deny it, he felt warm once again, like a breath of air that brought heat, allowing his blood to warm up again and circulate through his body.

“Daddy, is he going to be okay?” Matteo heard Logan ask, his childish voice sounding scared.

"Shhh… don’t worry.”

Now, who Derek was saying this to, he didn't know. The good news was that Matteo didn't feel uncomfortable around them and that, in fact, their voices full of affection and care were like a balm to his lonely soul.

***

“Do you feel better?” Derek asked in a low, hoarse whisper.

They were still standing. Derek's arms were wrapped around his waist and Matteo felt the world slowly spin as he leaned against his boss's broad shoulders, his head resting against his neck, and even from this awkward angle Matteo could feel Derek's worry radiating around them.

Matteo couldn't help but notice, Derek was looking at him very closely and touching his face so carefully, his features so worried, that Matteo just let himself be carried away by the feeling that warmed his chest and allowed him to breathe a little easier. He watched as Derek kept trying to make him react, calling his name and touching his neck, keeping him safe in his arms. It was then that Derek finally made a decision, and only when Derek was sure that Matteo wouldn't faint, he picked him up and didn't wait any longer; the man held his legs, lifting them off the floor and then supported his back so that he wouldn't slip away from his arms. 

In this way, they moved through the house, Matteo seeing the white marble floor and the stairs behind him, and Derek going with him through a long hallway. They passed the windows that let the midday sun enter the hallway and then into the room that Derek was carrying him into.

The world spun for a moment, the sun softening as they entered the room, allowing Matteo to close his eyes and the sway of Derek's footsteps to lull him gently. Then Derek lowered himself and sat with him on the bed, making him lean against a soft surface and sigh, feeling Derek support him against his broad chest.

“Hm,” Matteo remembered muttering back. He always felt a little spacey and high the moment the seizures went away, but in the best way possible. He owed him an explanation, right? Yeah, he did.

"Do you need anything? Water? Pain medicine?”

Matteo could barely hear Derek's voice, the low, whispered timbre always distracted him. Derek used such a soft, gentle tone that it seemed to caress his soul, so husky and velvety, so softly at the foot of his ear that if they weren't so close to each other, Matteo wouldn't hear anything. And his eyes, they were so beautiful, all intense and fixed on him. Hmm... yes, Derek was still holding him and he had his arms around the man's neck. Should Matteo do that? Hmm... he didn't know, he just understood that his chest was resting against his shoulder and that Derek's hands were holding his head, keeping him comfortable.

He blinked slowly and stared into Derek's now serious eyes. So steady. They gave him so much confidence that Matteo knew he was safe. Ah, maybe he shouldn't be so comfortable, at times like these his body kind of... acted without his consent.

"I… I'm fine. I'm sorry. I… I have--

“You don’t need to explain yourself,” Derek told him, as serious as ever, looking uninterested. Or maybe Derek was just shocked. It was understandable.

“I do.” When Derek just nodded, he continued, “When I was eight, I had a panic attack and was diagnosed with GAD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I’m always anxious, but I can usually control it without it interfering with my work. It’s been years since that happened. I… I’m so sorry. Routine and feeling stable helps. I’m really sorry. I know I should have told you.”

"It's okay. It wasn't your fault.”

"No, it’s not that. I recently came off the meds. The doctor told me I would be able to control it. It’s just that…”

"What is it?" Derek told him softly.

“I've been more nervous than usual. It's just... well... the change in routine…”

He said it was a change of routine, but they both knew it was more than that.

“I see,” Derek said again. “I’m sorry if I caused this. It won’t happen again.”

It probably meant he wouldn't lose his job, right? Because Derek paid really well.

It was Matteo's turn to nod. He looked down at Derek's hand that was now on his shoulder and the other one that was resting on his knee. For some reason, at that moment he didn't feel nervous. In fact, it was the complete opposite. Matteo was numb, feeling so good that any guilt or discomfort about being in this situation had dissipated. Or maybe he trusted him, because Derek was showing him that this trust could be placed in him.

Matteo continued to stare at Derek's hand and then a blond head entered his field of vision. It was Logan, he was crying, his big green eyes puffy while Alice just watched attentively and quietly, both trying to smile at him. Matteo smiled back and then everything seemed to get lighter, almost making him close his eyes.

"Okay, you can rest now. Do you have your cell phone? I'll let your family know.”

“Oh,” he muttered. It was true. Matteo hadn’t told them. Looking up and finding himself smiling at Derek, Matteo thanked him. “It’s in my bag.”

Before Derek could say anything, Matteo finally let his eyes close. He felt Derek tucking him back into the pillows and heard footsteps leaving the room, but it was okay; in less than a few seconds everything went black and sleep took him away.