Although Philip said that we'll go to the Black Forest as soon as he can, days passed and we still didn't. At first I was a bit irritated but I was quickly reminded that he was one grade above me. All day long he would be either in his room studying or working on projects out of the house. Yeah, going to a forest to show a girl a random building probably wasn't on top of his priority list, even if it could have something to do with a robbery.

The first day after the fight with Nathalie she didn't talk to me, or even look my way. She just kept ignoring me for the rest of the week, like I was some kind of reminder of what happened. But obviously she didn't stop doing her "job". Aka making my school days harder. If she had the chance she would tell the teachers that I wasn't listening, that I was doodling in class, that I pulled her hair. Okay, maybe I shouldn't have done the last one.

I was hoping that maybe I could get some help from my desk mate, Bruce, but it seemed like he was sick for the whole week. At least at first I thought so, but when the second week started and he still wasn't there I began to wonder if he didn't go to school because of me. I was his desk mate after all, maybe I made him so uncomfortable last time that he decided that he didn't want to deal with me. Some shy people avoid social interactions for their mental benefits. As you can tell I did find a book on shy people in the book café and I did read it. It was actually quite insightful.

Anyway before I get completely off track. The days went by and it was time for the second Wednesday, a second club meeting.

"Good day, everyone.", Nathalie slammed her notebook on the table.

We all jolted back from our thoughts and looked up at her. That day it seemed like a pink day for her. She had a pink bow in her hair, a matching short plaid jacket with a skirt. Kind of reminded me of what a First Lady would wear, only shorter.

"Fifi? Are you zoning out again?", Nathalie smiled.

Zoning out. She was probably referencing that time when I couldn't answer a question and she had to comment to the entire class that I was probably zoning out, because that's what I usually do.

"No, just wondering where you left Ken.", I leaned back.

"Funny.", she forced a smile.

Philip glanced back and forth between us, getting more uncomfortable with every second. He cleared his throat and that seemed to signal to Barbie to concentrate. She sat down before looking through her notes and looking up at us.

"How are your assignments going? I already finished the next newspaper-" 

Anddd after that point I stopped listening. Her voice irritated me enough already but the thought of that stupid article made me even more mad. I haven't even started writing it or even researching it. I always found an excuse not to. Oh, I have to finish this and that. Oh, I have to help Lyana around the house. Oh, I need to pet this cat for 30 minutes. I think it just annoyed me that I haven't actually seen even one abandoned building, you know, the thing that I was supposed to write about.

Suddenly I glanced up and realised everyone was staring at me. Did I do something? Don't tell me I said something out loud.

"So?", Nathalie blinked.

Oh. She asked me something. For a second I thought I missed something actually important.

"So?", I repeated.

She just sighed and messaged her forehead, clearly done with me. Thankfully Lola was nice enough to repeat the question; How was it going with my article? Great. I definitely didn't want to say exactly how it was going. Philip looked over at me, like he remembered something. Probably the fact that he told me he would help me. Whatever, not like I cared what they all thought of me.

"I haven't started.". I shrugged.

"Aw, why?", Lola gave me the biggest pity smile I have ever seen. Like I was a lost puppy she just found on the street. 

I just shrugged before mumbling: "I just haven't started yet."

Nathalie looked up, this time not from annoyance or amusement at my failure but in a sort of realisation, like she recognised something. 

That expression quickly faded and got drowned out by her bleak tone: "Well, what do you think can motivate you to start? Because I'm pretty sure wasting your time figuring out excuses not to do it won't get you anywhere."

"Nathalie!", Lola blurted out, clearly offended by her tone.

Even though Blondie literally hit the nail right on the head with that one I couldn't help but get annoyed at her. With the way she said it she sounded like she thought she was the thing, and she probably knew she was right, making her ego crash through the roof at that point.

The conversation seemed to end at that point. I wouldn't even know how to answer her question anyway. Instead we began a round of exercises to "get our brains working.". With every question Blondie would always give a snappy comment at my responses, or she would glare at me with annoyance. I would snap back right at her but nothing seemed to face her, or nothing seemed to face her enough that she would show she was getting annoyed. 

Back at the book café I saw what she was capable of, she could clearly hide her emotions well. It was only a matter of time before she would break. Although at the time I didn't know this, it was actually a matter of time before I broke. 

We got to another question. After a round of discussions and conversations about journalistic integrity I was basically begging the clock on the wall to go faster.

"What's the title of the current chapter of your life?", Blondie looked up from her notebook at us, well specifically at me before quickly turning her head to the others. Her constant staring was slowly making me more and more irritated by the second. It's as if she knew it made me mad.

Everyone thought for a moment. 

Rudoslav was the first one to answer: "Creative frustration"

"Eternal love!", Lola smiled.

Philip leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms before mumbling: "You both are so annoying."

He was a bit right. All I heard from Rudoslav all week was that he was frustrated with his song and from Lola that she had a new boyfriend. It got to such a point where I genuinely started to wonder how he could keep a calm and straight face with those two around. They all just chuckled at his comment. Annoyingly Nathalie seemed to chuckle for a bit too long.

"Going with the flow.", was Philip's answer.

Blondie nodded happily. How didn't I notice it before? She clearly had some sort of bias towards him. Wouldn't surprise me if she always went easy on him. Finally it seemed like it was my turn. As everyone looked over at me, so did Nathalie. Her grey-blueish eyes just stared right at me, like she was mocking me. She probably thought I would say something about the foster thing. Maybe she wanted me to be uncomfortable, maybe that was her plan all along. Getting back at Fifi, the girl who embarrassed her. 

Chapter of my life? They all probably knew what chapter I was currently living through already and that knock off Barbie certainly didn't make it easy for me to not think about it all the damn time.

What's wrong with me? Why am I getting so mad at her? She's just looking over at me! I never before got so focused on one person, made that person the reason to be mad. In that moment, as I looked back at her a chill went down my spine. Her look wasn't mocking like I thought before, it was sympathetic, like she was worried. 

Am I making everything up? Is she really as bad as I think she is or am I once again making excuses?

I had no idea what to think. I had no idea what to do. All I knew was that I needed to get out of there right now or else I was going to vomit.

"This is stupid", I mumbled, reached for my bag and quickly walked out. 

On my way out I heard Lola laugh: "That's an interesting title."

I only managed to round the corner before leaning back on the wall for support. 

Am I making everything up?

No, no. I'm not doing that again. I swore that I wouldn't imagine things again. She was mean to me, she was cruel, she was cold. I mean she didn't bully me or something but she wasn't really nice either.

Last time this kind of uncertainty happened to me was at my third ever foster family. I kind of made the mother of the household a villain in my head, it was like my brain needed that stress and that hate and when it didn't find someone to direct it at, it just... made things up. Made things blurry. But things with Nathalie weren't blurry, they were clear. She was cold and she was a snitch. But was she ever mean to me?

I sat down on the floor and took a deep breath. No, she never insulted me directly. Anything that I thought was rude of her was just that, I thought. An interpretation of her stares, her glances, her tone. Maybe she was an insufferable snitch, but not the worst person I've ever met. Another deep breath. Focus, what did the consoler tell me to always question? Ah, right. Why am I angry and what can I do about it?

"Fifi?"

I looked up and there he was, the guy that probably felt like he had to run after me, Philip Evermore. I kind of felt bad for making him do all of that. He was already busy as is and now he had to deal with me. He kneeled down next to me and tilted his head to look at me. 

"Nathalie wanted me to tell you that you don't have to answer if you don't want to."

Once again. A contradiction, or maybe it was to make herself look nice in front of Philip. Or maybe it was just me villainacing her. If you can't answer a question, get a different perspective.

"Is Nathalie nice?", I asked.

He looked a bit confused at my question: "She's sometimes cold but she means well."

That didn't really answer my question. Even if he did answer it would mean nothing. Of course Nathalie North was nice to Philip Evermore, she had a crush on him. Wouldn't mean much what he said. I started gently scratching at my jeans as I thought again. I am the weird one, aren't I?

"We still have 30 minutes left."

We both looked up and there was Nathalie standing right in front of us. I didn't know if I should be mad at her or not. What would I even be mad at? Her reminding me that there are 30 minutes left of me being stuck at school? I could always run off but it wasn't like I had anywhere to run to.

She glanced at me for a second before looking at Philip: "I think we all had enough for today. Get up, we're going on a school trip."

A school trip? Let me guess, taking a walk around town? Maybe if we're lucky she would buy us ice cream.

"And you can just decide that?", I asked.

"My father funds the school, Fifi. I decided what tiles went in the hallways."

She chose to have black and white checkerboard tiles in the hallways? Why wasn't that surprising to me?

Philip swiftly got up and wondered: "Where are we even going?"

She glanced at me again for a moment. Was it something to embarrass me with or something? 

As the others came around the corner with their bags she fixed her already perfect hair and nonchalantly voiced: "We're going to the Black Forest."

We all looked at each other and I quickly stood up. The Black Forest? Everyone seemed as confused as I was before she explained, probably because she noticed us looking at her: "Philip wanted to take Fifi there to help write her article, it will be a good learning experience."

Before we could say anything else or protest she already turned to the exit and started confidently walking away. 

She made one last comment: "Hop, hop. We don't have much time.