A few chapters earlier…

“It’s the least I can do,” Derek said, forcing Matteo to accept the money. He saw Matteo’s face tighten, creating a cute grimace.

He couldn't help himself. Derek swore he tried to stay serious to show that his intentions were honest, but just looking at Matteo made him smile. The little boy was so innocent that Derek almost couldn't resist the urge to pinch those cheeks that seemed to have a redder tone than normal.

No, that wasn't what he meant. No, it was about the money; the right thing to do was to replace what Matteo had spent.

"Sir, I can't--”

“Actually, where did you buy that food? It must have been very expensive.”

Matteo didn't answer him, he just took another step back and staggered. The boy closed his eyes and took a deep breath, probably not even realizing what he was doing, because while Matteo was walking backwards he accidentally got closer to Derek, almost leaning against his chest. Matteo crossed his arms and hesitated, tripping over his own feet.

"Matteo? Are you okay?" He worried.

Giving up on respecting Matteo's space, Derek grabbed him by the shoulders, keeping him standing, finding his attitude strange.

"I'm sorry. I have to go.”

"You're not even going to tell me where you bought the food?" 

And what was he sorry for?

"I… went… went to a restaurant… that sells homemade lunch boxes… in the city center.”

Derek paused for a moment, afraid to let him leave in this state, and asked, "Do you need a ride?"

Matteo nodded, but he remained standing where he was. He didn't pull away from Derek for touching him without permission or blush, nor did he say a word. Matteo didn't even seem to be breathing. It was when the boy collapsed in front of him that Derek's heart nearly jumped out of his throat. If it weren't for him being so close, Matteo would have hit his head on the edge of the table.

“Dad!” Derek heard Alice scream and a whimper came from Logan. They rushed around the table and helped Matteo sit in the chair, carefully supporting him against the back.

"Dad. Matteo isn't breathing! He's not breathing!”

"Is he going to die?" Logan said and Derek for a moment didn't know what to do.

He tried to touch Matteo's face, shook him gently, and even patted his pale cheek twice, but nothing happened. Matteo remained motionless, passed out in his arms, growing a little paler than before, looking like he would stay that way. Then, in a flash, Derek remembered that Tyson, his younger brother, had had an asthma attack as a child; one of the few things that had helped was talking to him and encouraging him to breathe, calming him down, if Derek could.

"Stay calm, okay?" Derek told them and, contrary to what he wanted to do, he stood up with Matteo and hugged him, keeping their chests together.

"Matteo, pay attention to me. Can you hear me? Breathe with me.”

Derek grabbed the back of Matteo's head and kept his back straight as he breathed as slowly as he could, trying to set an example. Matteo looked like he was in pain, a grimace fixed on his face, but his mouth was open struggling to breathe. Relieved, Derek held Matteo's neck up for better oxygenation and massaged his back, whispering softly so the boy wouldn't be startled. His skin was so cold and sweaty that Derek feared the worst. When Matteo finally took a deep breath it was like a weight had been lifted off his back.

“Again." He said.

Matteo obeyed like the good boy he was, taking a long breath and then letting it out even more slowly. Of course, it was at that moment when he thought the danger had passed that Matteo just… relaxed, relaxed so much that his head rested on Derek's shoulder and his body leaned completely against his. Well, leaning wasn't the best word to describe it. It was more like collapsing, as if someone had cut the strings of a puppet and it had fallen, just like that, lifeless.

Derek held Matteo’s face again and only then did he calm down, seeing that Matteo was breathing normally and the grimace of pain had disappeared, replaced by one of happiness and contentment.

“Daddy, is he going to be okay?” Logan asked beside him once more, his childish voice sounding scared.

"Shhh… don't worry. Everything is okay now.”

***

“Do you feel better?” Derek sat up in bed with Matteo and finally saw him opening his eyes. Matteo seemed a little dazed and slow, looking around, but at least Matteo was moving, leaning gently on his shoulder, his small hands around Derek’s neck, limp and lifeless.

Derek couldn't resist the temptation and touched Matteo's face, turning him towards him. Matteo didn't seem to mind the contact, and in fact, he lowered his face and rubbed himself against Derek's hand, like a needy kitten. The important thing was that it had worked, Matteo was now looking at him and seemed more attentive, although he hadn't completely returned to normal yet. Derek adjusted him better and held his back, not letting him look away until Matteo answered him.

"Hm." He finally said.

Well, it was more like a mutter, almost soundless. Matteo looked tired, without the energy to even hold his head up. Derek wanted to ask if this was common, if he often fainted or had panic attacks. But right now, he just wanted Matteo to be okay. Nothing else mattered.

"Do you need anything? Water? Pain medicine?”

Matteo just blinked at Derek with those big black eyes and continued to stare at him. He licked his lips and settled himself on Derek's lap. Slowly. Distracted. Slow. He would say, even lazy.

Was that… a blush appearing on his face?

"I… I'm fine. I'm sorry. I have--”

"You don't need to explain yourself.”

“I want to.”

He nodded, letting Matteo speak.

"When I was eight, I had a panic attack and was diagnosed with GAD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I'm always anxious, but I can usually control it without it interfering with my work. It's been years since that happened. I... I'm so sorry. Routine and feeling stable helps. I'm really sorry. I know I should have told you.”

"It's okay. It wasn't your fault.”

"No, it’s not that. I recently came off the meds. The doctor told me I would be able to control it. It’s just that…”

"What happened?" He asked curiously. Matteo was like a box of surprises.

“I've been more nervous than usual. It's just... well... the change in routine…”

Derek understood exactly what he was talking about.

"I understand. I'm sorry if I caused this. It won't happen again.”

But wouldn't he? Derek worried about himself, that maybe he wouldn't be able to control himself, and about Matteo, too. What if something happened while he was driving? What if it was when Matteo was walking home alone? Did Matteo have someone to look after him? Someone who would come to his rescue if he needed it? What if…

Derek snapped out of his thoughts when Logan and Alice entered the room. Logan was crying, his big green eyes puffy while Alice just watched attentively and quietly, both trying to smile at Matteo.

Matteo smiled back and he could finally breathe a little easier.

"Okay, you can rest now." He murmured when he saw that the children weren't going to say anything and Matteo was almost falling asleep. "Do you have your cell phone? I'll let your family know.”

“Oh.” Matteo said. He frowned, but soon raised his head.

Matteo looked at Derek, stared at him closely, and then gave him the most beautiful, happiest smile Derek had ever seen.

"It's in my bag.”

And so, in the middle of the sentence, Matteo closed his eyes and Derek felt as if something inside him was being stirred and rearranged in a way he didn't know was possible, but which seemed like a good change, even if painful.