“You can’t use codes! That’s cheating!”

I yell at Joshua because his obvious distaste in fair play is grating on my nerves. I already said he couldn’t use the cheat codes to unlock the special vehicle, so of course he isn’t allowed to use them to boost his weapons.

“It’s not my fault you have terrible memory and can’t remember any of them yourself, Thad!”

I snatch the controller from his hand and toss it across the room. It gives me a chance to even the health scores while he reclaims it from under the edge of his bed.

“Talk about cheating. You’re lucky you’re my best friend or I’d pummel you for that!”

I am lucky to be his best friend. He’s normally such a tough guy to everyone else and I don’t doubt that he would punch out any other person brave enough to not only grab but to throw his lucky controller like that.

The extra time he takes to yap at me affords me the time to drop his health to next to nothing. He’s going down!

I score the final hit and it turns the smoke of his vehicle into flames.

“Ha! That’s what you get you know.”

He isn’t even upset as he sits back beside me.

“Alright. I’ll let you use the Minion character, but I get to use all the weapon cheats I want. Deal?”

Are you kidding!? Minion is the best vehicle in the game. He’s a tank for crying out loud. Of course I’m taking the deal. It helps that I know a few of the weapon cheats too. I snicker inside my head.

“That’s fair.”

Rather than entering the code and resetting for another round, Joshua turns to me and gives me a kind of coy smile.

“Hey, Thad … have you ever liked someone?”

That’s out of nowhere.

“How do you mean? I like you plenty. You’re my best friend.”

He grins for a second and then leans forward, drawing his legs in.

“Well, I mean like-like. Not just as a friend.”

I consider for a moment.

“You mean the way your sister likes Tony? Ugh! They’re always kissing and stuff. It’s gross.”

He runs a finger across his knees nervously.

“Yeah, like that. Have you ever liked someone like that? Like you wanted to kiss them maybe?”

I’m twelve and he’s barely thirteen. We’ve been close since we were young on account of our moms being friends. He’s my closest friend. He’s my only friend really.

I wish I was more like him. He’s confident and brave whereas I’m just a dork with book smarts. I’m not good at making friends. I always say the wrong thing. But I don’t have to worry because I have Josh.

His question hangs around in my head. There’s no way I want to be like Jessica and Tony. Even the sounds they make are an abomination to mankind.

“I don’t think so. Oh, but I heard Fran kissed Robert in a game of spin the bottle. Have you ever played it?”

He seems surprised at my answer though I’m not sure why. It’s like all the energy has been sucked out of him.

“Ah, I guess I never did. But maybe …” Joshua hesitates for a moment. “We could play if you want?”

“Us? But we’re both guys, Josh. Don’t you think that defeats the purpose?”

Rather than laughing, he shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know. Maybe it would be okay. I mean, like practice so we won’t be bad at it if we have to play with other people one day. That’s not bad, right?”

That does make sense. What if Robert was really bad and Fran made fun of him for it? For someone like me, if I ever get the chance to kiss a girl, I better not mess it up because it might be the only chance I’d ever get. I’m not like Josh. He would just laugh it off and say she should kiss him again to teach him how, but not me. I’d be doomed and labeled a bad kisser for the rest of my life.

“You might be right. Maybe we should just try to make sure neither of us is bad at it, right? I mean it’s not weird or anything, huh?”

He’s quick to respond. “No. I think a lot of people try with their friends first to make sure. Let’s do it.”

He scoots closer to me and fumbles with his hands, almost tumbling into my lap. Being Joshua, he shakes it off and recomposes himself without even batting an eye. I’m more embarrassed than he is about it.

“Are you nervous, Thad?”

I answer too quickly. “Yeah. Are you?”

“Yes.” That word doesn’t match his look. He seems to know what he’s doing as he leans into me and places a hand on my shoulder.

My tongue licks across my lips just before he reaches me. It feels strange. He’s touched me hundreds of times before, but the way he’s touching my shoulder feels different than before. I watch his face get closer to mine and I close my eyes.

Our lips meet and he grips my shoulder lightly, almost pulling me closer to him. I tug against it and pull back.

My lip feels where the warmth of his lips was only a moment before. Nervously, I babble at him.

“Well, how was it? I’m not bad at it am I?”

He’s silent, staring at my lips.

“I …” He licks across his lips. “I think we should do it again to tell better. It was quick you know and the spin the bottle game and others like truth and dare say you have to kiss for longer; sometimes you even have to make out like the seven minutes in heaven game.”

I never heard of that game, but he probably knows better than me. He’s more popular and gets invited to parties. He usually tries to bring me along, but I’m not always able to go.

“Okay, but I don’t think we should use our tongues.”

“What’s the point of practicing if we aren’t going to do it right? Let’s just try it once?”

He still hasn’t backed away from me, but I suppose I haven’t moved either.

“Just once.”

“Okay.”

There’s no delay before he grips ahold of my shoulder and closes the distance between our mouths.

This time, he opens his mouth a little. I try to copy him. He’s always the leader and I’m the follower. It’s been that way since forever.

I’m shocked when his tongue enters my mouth! It’s so wet and soft; not at all what I expected. Even though I wasn’t ready for it, I let it happen because I don’t want to be a bad kisser. Either Josh has done this before or he’s a natural like he is at most everything he tries.

There are butterflies in my stomach as he moves his hand from my shoulder to the back of my neck. Is that normal?

It’s too much for me and I push his hand off, pulling my face away from him.

My cheeks are warm and I feel my stomach clench.

I turn away and look at the wall. I don’t ask if I’m good at it. I don’t think I care anymore. All I can think about is how weird I feel. I just kissed my best friend … a guy … with tongue. It’s so wrong. I’m disgusting.

He puts a hand on my leg. “Hey, Thad. What are you thinking right now?”

“I …” I can’t come up with words. My mouth is dry and my voice is locked in my throat.

He continues. “Did I do something wrong? I’m sorry if I did.”

“No.” I don’t want him to feel bad. I agreed to it. I just don’t think I should have done it.

He replies. “Good. Because I think I liked it.”

When I turn back to face him, he has the pillow from his bed in his lap. I didn’t realize he reached over to get it. Is he as nervous as I am? Did he say that he liked it?

“I …” Once again, words elude me. For being so book savvy, you’d think I could say something in a moment like this.

He inches closer. “Actually, I know I liked kissing you.”

My face feels hot. I’d just had my first kiss. I can taste the Doritos lingering in my mouth from his tongue.

He said he liked it. I’m sure he just said that. I’m having trouble wrapping my head around it. Does that mean I’m good at it? Does it even matter if it’s with a guy? I should complement him too. He’s complimenting me after all.

“I think you’re good at it.”

He gets excited and a wide smile crosses his face.

“Really?!”

“Yeah. Have you done that before?”

“No. I mean I never wanted to before. But I’ve seen my sister do it loads of times.”

So have I for that matter. They are always making out on the couch when we’re trying to watch movies.

I offer reassurance. “I don’t think you have to worry about the games then. You have experience now too.”

His hand reaches back out to me. “I don’t really care about playing those games with anyone else. I like doing it with you. I mean I like-like you, Thad. I wasn’t sure before, but now I know. Can I kiss you again?”

What?!

That’s not normal. You can’t just go around kissing your best friend that’s also a boy! It isn’t right.

I reach my fingers into the bottom of my shirt and twist the bottom up, rolling it into a tight tube resembling a straw before unwrapping it and rerolling it.

My answer is muttered. “I think you should only do that when you’re dating someone.”

It’s a crummy excuse, but still true. I know kids our age do this in games, but it really isn’t something you should be doing with anyone unless they are dating, right?

He adds, “Then we could date, if you wanted to.”

The air turns silent and heavy. It’s like a million moments before I work up enough saliva to manage an answer in my now desert mouth.

“I don’t think so, Josh. I mean, we’re friends. It would be weird. And we’re both guys so that’s uhm … gay, right?” I suddenly panic, afraid that he won’t be my friend anymore. “I’m not saying you can’t be that way! It’s okay if you are. I still want to be your friend. I’ll always be your friend. You’re still my best friend.”

I’m babbling like an idiot again.

Joshua picks up the pillow and slams it into me. “Ah ha! Gotcha! I really had you going, didn’t I? I can’t believe you believed me. You thought I actually had a crush on you?! I was just messing with you.”

There’s a knock at the door and his mom’s voice passes through the pressed wood to reach us.

“Boys! It’s a school night. Time to call it quits until tomorrow.”

“Yes, ma’am.” I jump to my feet.

Was Josh really just joking? He doesn’t quite seem himself. Still, he wears that semi dorky smile on his face.

He laughs. “Haha. Could you imagine if she had walked in five minutes ago?”

The thought sends a shiver down my spine.

“Ha! Yeah. That would have been really bad.” I reach the door, but turn back for just a moment. “Hey, I don’t think we should tell anyone about this, right?”

“Of course. It’s our secret. Everyone will wonder how we’re so good at kissing and we’ll never give away our secret.”

“Good.”

I turn to leave, rolling the bottom of my shirt again, embarrassed at everything that just happened.