Come morning, the squeak of my bed wakes me as Chelsea climbs out of it. She searches for her underwear and slides them on. That is if you can call them that; it’s more a string with a tiny strip of fabric. They can’t be comfortable.

She catches me stirring and feels obligated to say something to me.

“Yeah, later, Kris.”

“Right.”

She’s out the door before other words are exchanged.

No matter what time it is, it’s too early for me to give a damn about the day.

Outside my window, some chirping bird thinks otherwise. If I had a pistol and wasn’t within city limits, I’d shoot it to oblivion.

There’s no escaping its awful song to get back to sleep.

Shit. Guess I’m awake now.

I head downstairs for an energy drink.

Did we buy the Monster drinks or are they part of the Thad stockpile?

Fuck it. I grab one and crack it open. Jaye slips into the kitchen behind me.

“Fun night?”

“She passed out so … nope. Not really.”

“Aww, I’m sorry. Tell me you were a gentleman.”

He’s a little too self-righteous sometimes, but I like that about him.

“I finger fucked her per her hand’s orders until she could no longer moan about it. I kept my dick dry. Is that gentleman enough for you?”

“Ew, too much information actually.” He prods at my shoulder. “But I’m proud of you for being well behaved.”

“Gee, a gold star from Jaye is so much better than getting laid. Do you think she’ll be back tonight? I’d really like to pick up where we left off. Beating off just isn’t the same.”

He shakes his head. “It very much isn’t the same. I concur. I’m so hoping Thad can sneak away for some us time soon. I’m nicking like crazy.”

“Nicking for dicking. How very gay of you.”

“Hey, I have a very healthy enjoyment of being pounded like a war drum. There’s nothing wrong with that and there’s been too much peacetime lately if you know what I mean.”

“Isn’t that what toys are for?” The image my comment invokes is enough to give me chub.

“We’ve been through this; it’s just not the same.”

I grin at him, putting on my biggest asshole smile to go with it. “Like I said, I’m there for you. If you ever need bent over a table to spare you from withdraws, you just let me know.”

He squeezes my lips together like a fish. There’s a dorky voice to go with it. “What a good friend you are.”

Our smiles turn real. As long as I’m being a smartass, I can get away with saying things like that. I wonder how many jokes have been spoken in sincerity over the years to others that people like me wished were their actual lovers.

Every day that goes by teaches me how much more I love him than the day before. It’s getting harder and harder not to tell him something, anything. I could tell him that I have feelings for him. I could tell him how badly I want to kiss him. I could reach out and grab his hand only to hold it rather than letting it go like a coward.

Stop it, Kris. You aren’t a coward. You just aren’t telling a guy who has no interest in you that you have interest in him. It’s smart and hard as hell to do. It’s admirable if anything. You’re sparing him the trouble of knowing about your unrequited love. He doesn’t need that. He doesn’t deserve to carry that burden. He carries enough already. Given that he’s the only one I’d ever act selflessly for, I have to keep it to myself.

I step out of his reach. “Well, this friend needs a shower. Stop holding me up.”

“Touchy.”

“I’m still pissed that I didn’t get laid. Fuck off.”

When I reach the bottom step, I look back at him making sure he didn’t take my words to heart. Jaye’s all smiles reading the back of a box of pop tarts. Of course, he’s Jaye; deliriously happy in a relationship, Jaye.