What just happened? Was it because of me? Had I changed the story somehow?

 In the original novel, Giselle only discovered she was a true saintess after finding out about Amacia's affair with Ewen. She runs away from my castle, and awakens her divine power defending a group of orphaned refugees from Amacia’s men (wow, was I a bad person). Before that, every time she used her powers was unintentional. She thought she was a witch. 

 But my Giselle, before, didn’t seem surprised about it at all. She healed herself entirely on purpose. And she didn’t act like I should be surprised either.

 Things did not make sense. I pulled out my parchment and pored over it for hours, but things only made less sense. I wrote half-remembered scratchings, then crossed them out. My brain was scabbing over. Things I knew from the story were congealing with things I knew since I'd been Amacia. I had none of her memories, but I was losing my own. 

 I did not wake, because I did not sleep. 

 I let my handmaidens dress me up and send me off to breakfast like I was going to the guillotine. 

 There was the Queen, sitting at the head of the table like always. She nodded to me and I curtsied. Ewen and Derek stood, which was the polite thing to do, and I sat down. Giselle was not there. Because of that I was too freaked out to eat or speak and just sat, eyes darting from door to door like she'd burst in with a gun and shoot me. 

 "You did not attend the Council meeting yesterday," my older brother, Derek said. His yellow eyes fixed mildly on me past his glasses. 

 He and I looked unusually similar; he was something close to pretty, but his dark hair fell in straight sheets over his shoulders, which were always clad in the white silk robes of a Mage. He was a man of God and I was his evil non-twin. 

 "I had a headache," I said quickly. He had never been affectionate or petty to me like my brothers back home. Simply polite, and distant. He watched me, and sometimes I caught the flash of disapproval. Disapproval for me or Amacia? 

 "I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you are better now." 

 "I am on the mend." The good thing was he never asked much of me. After all, though I was his sister by blood, he had thought I was dead until not so long ago. Maybe he resented that I was alive at all. Because of that, he could never inherit the throne. 

 My mother, the Queen, did not ask how my head was. She never spoke at breakfast. She did not watch me, either. Only pored over the endless documents that needed signing when you were Queen. If things went as the novel did, though, all those signatures would be for nothing. Giselle would, through her Saintess powers, expose her as a witch like her daughter and get uprised against by the country's six Dukes. They would place Derek on the throne as a puppet, forced to give up his religious robes, and she would die before her daughter. Before me. Oh God. 

 "Good morning, my lovelies!" sang Giselle after a generous curtsey, rustling up to the table in a gorgeous ice-blue gown.  Today there were bags under her eyes that hadn’t been there yesterday. But her hair was as bouncy as ever, and her smile was sent straight to me. In fact, she sat right next to me, though the table was not laid for it, squeezing between me and Derek in her enormous skirts. The servers scrambled to re-lay the table, muttering apologies. "Sorry, darling", she batted her eyes at Ewen. "I must sit by my poor invalid Macie today. I couldn't sleep to think that you were unwell. You didn't even drink my tea in the end." She patted my hand. 

 "I wish I had. Luckily, I think I'm getting better on my own." 

 "You were always the strong one, M," she said seriously. "I can't bear it when you're worse off than me." 

 "Maybe I should give you a bonk on the head then, to even things out," I said, catching her hand and smirking. 

  She giggled, colourful and sparkling as a jewel. "Wouldn't put it past you." I was getting the hang of this. 

 "Amacia! Are you truly unwell?" I looked up and couldn't contain my grimace. Ewen looked genuinely concerned. Whenever he looked at me, irritation fought my fear at being caught in a cage match in my stomach. Irritation was beginning to get the upper hand. 

 Giselle waved a dismissive hand. She didn't spare him a glance. "Oh, husband-to-be, I'm just fussing. You know how dear she is to me; I go all mother hen. Now, darling Macie, perhaps today could be the day you join me in town. If you are up to it, I know your morning is free." 

 I couldn't avoid spending time with her forever. "I'd like to." And I genuinely did. I couldn't help it, when she was so warm and inviting, where no one else was here. I knew I couldn't trust her, but that didn't mean I didn't want to. The more I faced my life as Amacia, the better I would get at it. And if I couldn't trust the original story, I would just have to figure everything out myself! 

  Leaving the castle was no small deal for a Crown Princess, apparently. A flurry of maids surrounded me and deposited the largest and ugliest hat known to man on my head. My butler or something, Roger, gave me money and a basket and whispered which shops to patronage in order to show due appreciation for the town merchants. As we were let out the castle doors, three retainers and a maid followed me and Giselle a respectful distance behind. A very tall man with a sword followed us at a less respectable distance. He was probably my bodyguard, I realised, as I was not the most popular among the people. As if I needed one more thing to worry about. 

 But Giselle tucked her arm into mine and didn't look back. "You never get used to it, do you?" she whispered. "When you've been free for any part of your life, giving it up is like forgetting how to breathe." 

 "Yeah," was all I could say in return. 

 I didn't know my way around but luckily Giselle did not seem to expect me to. She steered me nicely and we stopped at all sorts of shops, buying trinkets and sugar candy and fruits off the street. (I don't know if any of them were the ones Roger wanted me to go to.) The Capital was big and clean and loud, but not like a modern city is loud. The noise was so much more alive and human. All the commoners dressed in bright reds and blues and whites, and bowed as they passed us, before pointing and gasping loudly. My bodyguard was never more than a sword's length away.  

 My state of constant terror was beginning to ease up. 

 Giselle had no idea I wasn't Amacia. She had no idea that I wasn't plotting against her, or that Amacia had been. She was just kind, and trusting, and enjoyed being with me, because to her, I was her best friend. 

 In what ways is this Giselle different to the heroine from the original novel?

She dressed gaudier than I’d imagined. Big sleeves, big skirts, bows, ruffles, tailored cleverly to show off her figure. She moved with a rustle and a sparkle of jewels in her ear. They were the same diamonds every day, but they were the kind that went with everything. She was bubbly and outgoing. Looking at her, she also seemed happier from my perspective than when you read through hers, where she was miserable and constantly unsure of everything. But all that could be explained. 

 Anyway! She didn't know she was acting off-script, because she didn't know she was a character, and it would be awfully rude to blame her for that. It felt good that I had one ally in the world, who didn't make me feel terrible. I thought, seeing as I wasn't actually an awful person like Amacia, I could make her happy as well. 

 It would benefit both of us if I could get her to ditch that flop, Ewen. She deserved infinitely better than him. Unfortunately, all evidence pointed to the fact that she loved him. But, I schemed silently, I could work around that. 

 If I wanted to live, I had to avoid breaking her heart. 

 We stopped for spiced tea in a cosy, elegant cafe. My servants waited outside, bodyguard standing just by the entrance. When we entered, all the other customers had to leave. 

 "It's good to have a break," said Giselle. "All that shopping sure makes a girl thirsty." 

 "Yes. Though it's very much worth it." Amacia was fond of extravagant purchases. She always had to wear the best and most stylish thing. 

 "That lace - I'm so glad you bought it. It would look wonderful on a ballgown - elegant as seafoam." 

 "You're so right. I can't wait to show it to my dressmaker!" We giggled and sipped on our teas; me watching her drink and subtly copying the way she lifted her pinkie. 

 "Say - now we're in confidence - would you care for something more of an adventure?" 

 "Adventure, darling? Always." 

 "Then let's lose your little friends and go to the fun part of town!" 

 That sounded dangerous. But Amacia wouldn't blink in the face of danger, probably. Giselle smiled enticingly, waggling her brows over those luminous green eyes of hers. I steeled myself. "Lead the way!" 

 "Of course; you've never been, have you?" she said sympathetically. 

 "That's the trouble with being a princess," I shrugged. "That and being fabulously wealthy." 

 "Here." She took my hand. "They're looking away. Let's slip out the back. Then you'll have to run." 

 I nodded. 

 We stood and made for the back exit. The cafe owner moved forward anxiously and pressed a gold coin in his hand, then a gloved finger to my lips, before Giselle had yanked me backwards at speed. 

 We ran out the door. "Let's go!" cried Giselle, and we sprinted down the cobbled alleyway. I laughed with all the breath in my lungs. Giselle was right. There was nothing like it, being free. We were hurtling downhill, patent-leather heels thudding on the cobblestones. 

 Then something grabbed my wrist, and pulled me apart from her. I tried to scream, but a hand clamped over my mouth, and pulled me further and further away. Then they stopped. "Shhh. Don't be scared. It's only me." 

 I was scared. It was Ewen. "It's been so long since we've been alone," he murmured. He hadn't noticed that I was still scared, even though it was only him. "I'm so glad you could get this moment for us." 

 My head snapped up, indignant. Anger began to fight the fear in my stomach. He went on. "I missed you. I worried when you wouldn't see me all last week. I thought maybe Giselle began to suspect-"

 Anger won the match. "Don't you feel bad? For what you're doing to her?"

"Of course I feel bad. But I can't bear it. I let myself be seduced by all that sweetness and levity. Back then, I thought you did not want me. The moment I did, I saw how shallow and false that sweetness was. How empty everything that surrounded me, even her. You're the only real thing in that palace. I cannot let you go. Choosing her was the greatest mistake I ever made."  

 Seduced my ass. This man was a willing criminal. But it seemed like I was too. I felt sick. I hated him. But Amacia had trapped me here and now he was leaning towards me for a kiss. 

 "Wait!" I said. "Giselle's not far! She'll see us!" 

 "Then let us not waste these moments." He thought he was a poet. 

 "Stop it!" I insisted, because I couldn't take this, but I didn't think it was enough. Panic had come in with the steel chair. He looked at me imploringly, leaned forward again. 

 I didn't have to hit him, though, because he did stop, suddenly, and looked petrified. 

 Giselle? Did she see? Oh God.

  But it wasn't Giselle. The man towered over us both, looking down grimly, gloved hand holding Ewen's shoulder firm. He only had to look at him, and he ran away. Coward. 

 I felt shaky with relief. I didn't have to betray Giselle. Thank God. Then I realised who had saved me. My bodyguard. He must have seen everything. 

 I looked up at him. Tears were forming in my eyes. "Please," I said. It came out horribly, all wobbly and tight. "Please don't tell anyone about this. I know I did something terrible. I don't - I didn't want this. No one can know about this." 

 "I didn't see you being terrible. I saw a gentleman not taking no for an answer." He spat the word out in a way that soothed me immensely. He crouched down so he could meet my eyes. His expression was almost sweet, as his lips curved into a reassuring smile. "I work for you, Amacia. Your secrets are mine. I will not betray you." 

 "Thank you." 

 "It is my duty, Your Highness." He stood, soldier-straight. "Allow me to lead you back to the Palace. I assure you I will not leave your side. Please forgive my losing you earlier." 

 "If you'll forgive me trying to lose you. But how did you find me?"

 "I am your bodyguard. It is my duty." 

 I felt warm all over, so relieved that I made it out of that horrible situation. Another ally, maybe, I thought. 

 Then I remembered who he was: Kesper Wyle, Amacia's loyal dog. Privy to all her crimes, party to many of them. Faithful until the end, he died defending her before her arrest. 

 Tears sprung to my eyes again. It was so unfair! Why should I have to go down for Amacia's crimes? I was angry. I was furious. It was all because of her! She was the only reason I was in such a crappy position. If she'd been even a slightly redeemable witch, I could find some compassion, here, inside of her life. But I just hated her. Hated her for being me; hated her for not being me. 

  Screw it. No more playing it safe, if it'd lead me to the gallows. 

 I would not let her take me down with her. I would be better than her, in all senses of the word.