Through the doorway, Theresa peered out and glared at the entering nobody, without recognition.
"Who's this?" she pressed.
"My twin," Ray answered.
"We don't have any siblings I don't kn-"
Ray gestured to the nobody, whose hands couldn't hide his tears. Theresa nodded and took them both inside.
Theresa set the table, and microwaved the frozen bean pasta. The kind Ray didn't like. Ray gave his fries to the nobody, as promised, and he wiped his eyes so he could start to chow down. When Theresa tried to serve her, he declined.
"I'm good with just the fries," he said.
Theresa stared at the nobody, quizzically. "Hey, a picky eater! Just like you used to be, Ray." She glanced over at him.
Ray did not respond. She handed him the plate, and he started eating.
"Ray." Theresa repeated.
Still, Ray took no notice.
"RAY!" she shouted, pointing straight at him.
He tilted his head. "Are you talking to me?"
The nobody waited for Theresa to figure out the ruse, but she just shrugged.
"Okay," she said, "this is a weird phase, but whatever." She rolled her eyes.
The nobody buried his face in his knees for a moment, unable to contain his frustration. Then he remembered why he was here: to get the birth certificate, and prove his identity once and for all. But honestly, did he even want it anymore? Or was the life of Raimundo Radigan better off in this other boy's hands?
Theresa microwaved some frozen peas, and handed them to the nobody. He ate them reluctantly – he'd always preferred her food cooked traditionally. They even tasted wrong.
Theresa started making the garlic bread, with peanut oil, garlic, and basil on top, and vegan cheese sauce on the side.
"Why not use that bread to make a sandwich?" Ray asked. "Or just use butter, instead of that weird oil."
"Because it's a side, and because we haven't used real butter in Canadia for centuries- wait." Theresa paused, and looked over the two, nearly identical young teens. A look of realization dawned on her, and she gasped.
"Ray!" she called out.
"Yes?" the nobody answered, hanging on the edge of his seat.
"Did you get split into two people?! Was it a wizard?! A genie?! ALIENS?!"
"Probably!" said Ray, through a mouthful of pasta.
The nobody dropped his head on the table and groaned.
Theresa chuckled. "I was just kidding, kid. Jeez. Learn to take a joke." Theresa paused again. "What did you say your name was?"
"It doesn't matter," said the walking unentity. The absolute nothingness of a person. "Even if I get my stupid birth certificate, nobody will believe me anyway."
"Hey, where's MY birth certificate?" Ray whined. "I wanna be born, too!"
Theresa grinned, "You already were born, dumbass. Whaddyou need it for, anyway?
"I wanna see it now!" he demanded.
"Alright, alright, jeez. What a big rush you're in." She went to her room, and came back a few minutes later with a laminate envelope. Inside was a plastic card, with a metal rectangular frame on the lower right corner.
"What's that metal part for?" Ray asked.
She squinted at him. "You already know, it's the fingerprint scanner. Remember?"
She handed the card to Ray, and watched him press his entire hand to it.
"N-no, Ray, fingerprint. Not handprint. When did you get so stupid?" She watched him try again and again, in all kinds of ridiculous positions. "Just put the tip of your thumb on it!!"
He did so, and it beeped red. He did it again, and it beeped red again. Over and over, his thumbprint was denied. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
"What..." Theresa was suddenly alarmed.
The nobody took the certificate, and instead of putting his thumb on it, he decided to read the name. "Raimundo Radigan, born January 27th, 5522. Born in New Prezzo, British Alberta, in United Canadia." He put the card down, making sure not to touch the sensor. "That's quite the life you've got there, Ray. I hope for your sake, you don't waste it."
Theresa stared, trying to figure out what was happening right now. She looked... disturbed.
The nobody took the paper bag from the fries, and put it in the trash. Then he swept the crumbs off his shirt, and thumb-pointed for the door. "Well, I'd better get going. I've got a long walk back to school."
Theresa said, "I can drive you, kid."
The nobody shook his head. "Nah, don't... worry about it. I need to learn to rely on myself a little more, like Ray here. Not in a lonely, obstinate way, but by pulling my own weight, and being present for my own life. He's taught me a lot, to be honest. I'll never forget-"
BLEEP! The nobody looks down in horror at his thumb, which has just beeped green on the birth certificate.
The boy, leaned over to stretch the card over to him, asks, "How come yours gives you a nicer tone and color? Why does it like you more?"
The nobody looks at Theresa, whose eyes read like shock. 'Ray' has just thrown away everything, on a stupid whim, to see if a card would beep. And he, the validated one, has just been caught trying to leave his entire life to somebody else.
'Ray' tries it again and again, back to his own thumb. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! "Fuckin' thing, it's only giving me that other color. What's that called? The shouty one."
"Shut up!!" Theresa shouted. She grabbed a metal spatula, and pointed it at the red and white twins. "Which one of you is Raimundo?"
Neither of them put up their hands.
"Okay, let me rephrase that: which one of you is my actual sibling?"
Both of them put up their hands. The nobody looks at 'Ray', confused.
"What? If we're twins, that makes her my sister, too."
Theresa bangs the spatula against the table with a WHAP! "LAST QUESTION: Which one of you little SHITS used to steal my hairbrush every morning before I had to go to work?"
The nobody put up his hand. The one whom everyone saw as a girl, in the dirty white tee, and plaid red pants.
"Then who the HELL is THAT?!" she screamed, at the sharp-smiled boy finishing his plate of pasta.
"I'm Raimundo Radigan, nice to meet you!" he said, extending his hand for a shake.
She froze, and stared at him for a long time. She looked at her hairbrush thief, then at her pasta patron. The nobody shrugged, and gave a head gesture, like the one he'd been given on the way in. Then she sighed, and reluctantly shook 'Ray's' hand.