When it comes to explaining myself I'm just standing there, smiling  with my eyes staring at the floor.

- What do you want to know? - I ask while taking a deep breath. It was late at night I couldn't even see much. The light from the lamps only faintly illuminated the streets. Nevertheless, we stayed on the balcony. 

- What are you thinking? - he tilts his head - I want to know why you tried to kill yourself.

- I hoped you would leave me alone finally. - I smile again while starting to look for a cigarette.

- Yeah, if it would stop me by any chance. - he says, and I stop looking for my lighter. I smile again. It tastes bitter this time. 

- Why are you here anyway? - as I blow out the smoke, I look at him. His eyes seem to be darker than usual.

- How far you'd go this time? - he laughs and reaches out for my hand to take a hit.

- As far as you wish. - rolling my eyes, but he gets a little closer. Our shoulders brush against each other, and for a second, I can feel the heat of his skin. It almost makes me forget everything else. I want to move away but my body betrays me. It's cold out here, I didn't even get  my jacket on.

- Then what about this? - he pulls me tighter to the point that I can smell his cologne. It's  sweet and warm. Nothing like him. 

It's not my first thought as I grab his arm and move him even closer. I want to feel his scent, the way it somehow calms me, just a little. Once again, I look at his face as his hair drifted carelessly into his eyes, I knew instantly how far I would go for him. 

- We should go back, I'm freezing. - I say, taking his hands and pulling him into my apartment. I shut the door and turn towards him. He's still standing near the window. I take one step, then another. Just one more. I lean into his lips. The moment I feel his sharp breathing, it makes me anxious. 

- Come on, be wild for me, just this once. - he replies, and I see his throat tense up. I finally gave in. I place  his hand behind his head, and before I kiss him, I slowly start to brush my lips against his. 

- Like...this? - I ask, teasing him. It feels familiar. He doesn't say a word, just puts his head on the cold glass. 

- Like this...- his voice is low and hoarse. His other hand is now under my shirt. I gasp, and a quiet moan leaves my mouth. Fuck, did he hear that? 

I take his hand and pull it out quickly.