Help! My Red-Headed Fire Mage Husband is The Game’s Biggest Boss!
Chapter 8
“Oh god, oh god, oh god! Why do they keep attacking me?!”
“I don’t know what you’re complaining about. Shoot them already!”
“Weren’t we going to get the NPC to do all the work?”
“Jin, you didn’t say there’d be blood! Why is there so much blood? It’s everywhere!”
“…”
Listening to the five little idiots complain, Jin hung back and observed, ignoring the job assigned to him. He’d been watching them run around, trying to kill the kobolds under Shin’s charge, and it was hilarious. Shin had nearly launched his axe flying with the first swing. Rei had tried to shoot, then screamed when a kobold rushed him. Seiichiro managed to slash one with his sword, then got his sword stuck. Haruto and Yuto had more success, killing their first kobold as a team.
Much like the awkwardness Seiichiro and Yuto had experienced when trying to work their bodies after their racial characteristics changed, the five little idiots had adapted to their weapons annoyingly fast. Now, the only thing holding them back was their own incompetence. They had the strength to kill the kobolds, and the system was very, very kind in pre-splitting the kobold chest for easy extraction of the needed heart.
Next to him, Acshellis hadn’t lifted a finger.
“Can’t we just leave them to do all this themselves? I want to go home with you.”
Casting his husband a sideways glance, Jin wanted the same, yet he was putting his foot down.
“No. We need to keep watching. You nearly got us caught again. You came up with such an elaborate backstory so easily, so how come you forgot you needed a new name?”
His husband hung his head.
“I know…”
Even when he was pouting, Acshellis was still unfairly hot. Jin didn’t want to have to scold him repeatedly. He had to observe the five little idiots and was already fearing it’d become six.
“If you know, then don’t do it again. I don’t know what I’d do if we had to kill them too soon.”
Acshellis raised his head.
“Does this mean I should go help them?”
“Carefully. You can’t one-shot the kobolds. We need the bodies to collect the hearts. You’ll collect the hearts for me, won’t you?”
His husband turned hopeful.
“Will we be continuing from earlier?”
Jin weighed his options, then nodded. If it meant more of his hot husband, with the added bonus of not having to get his hands bloodied immediately, then it seemed like a good deal.
“If you behave for the rest of the day, then tonight we’ll continue. I’ll find a way to get away from them so we’ll be all alone. Godwishes wants me to mine the ore around here, so make sure you behave.”
“I want to kiss you, then I want to fuck you.”
Jin sighed at his past self for training his AI husband so well. His horndog ways had led him to have an overly enthusiastic partner. His way with words was both his blessing and his curse.
“Alright. I understand. We’ll talk more tonight. I have to go pretend to mine this ore, Ace.”
Walking away from Acshellis, Jin had wanted to keep watching, but his husband was too damn dangerous. Firstly, as they’d walked to the farm, Yuto had asked what Acshellis’s name was. His hot husband had started saying his own name. This, secondly, had caused Jin to trip, which, thirdly, nearly blew his cover when Acshellis rushed to pick him up. Only two pieces of key information had come from it.
When he’d tripped over, he’d landed on his hands and knees, skinning his knees through his overalls and scraping his palms. The same sick feeling, where the world seemed to turn gray and his body temperature plunged, had set in. It lasted only a moment. Then warmth flooded through him, he was back on his feet, and his hands were no longer skinned.
Key piece of information one:
That feeling meant his health had plummeted, and he was close to dying.
Key piece of information two:
His husband had forgotten their test subjects and healed him without thinking. Healing spells worked on him.
Still, Acshellis had also put him in an embarrassing position. He’d rushed to him as if he’d cut his leg off, crouching down and pulling him back to cradle him in his arms. They’d all seen the way his hands had healed. They all knew now that they could buy healing potions, and now that they’d seen magic work, the leap would go from healing magic to healing potions to all potions. What he was supposed to be researching on the sly. This increased the desire to quest more, make more money, buy more things… ruining his plan of a controlled afterlife and upping his babysitting duties. Jin already didn’t know how he was going to sneak off for seggsy time.
Eager to shift the topic away from his low-HP arse, Jin got to his feet, leaving Acshellis kneeling. The five little idiots had been calling his husband “NPC,” with all sorts of kind words before that, like “hey, stupid NPC.” Loudly, he’d thanked “Ace” since Acshellis had already gotten the “A” out, and it was too late to abort the mission and go with something normal, boring, and generic like Tatsumi. The group had laughed about “Ace,” but if his husband could make a good impression and live up to the name, Jin figured it wouldn’t be so bad. They’d be able to recruit him repeatedly, and he wouldn’t have to make up a new story every time his husband joined their party.
Under orders from Shin, Jin mined the small amount of ore at the back of the farm’s cabbage patch. Being maxed out in mining, two swings of his pickaxe were all it took. The ore was green, worth a grand total of three copper. Jin had already known it was a waste of his time, but he couldn’t afford to anger the top little idiot. To avoid further trouble, he looted the sad-looking cabbages too, then, because he was such a kind-hearted person, scattered the cabbage seeds he’d collected back in the garden. Game mechanics were wild. There hadn’t been a single seed when he’d looted the cabbages, yet his inventory clearly listed seeds when he checked.
Casting a glance at the rest of them, Jin saw they were still busy, so he headed into the farmhouse to snoop around.
Calling it a house was generous. It was a simple one-room shack, already ransacked by the kobolds. From the dirty red stains and thick layer of dust, Jin guessed it had been abandoned for a long time. Still, he checked through what was left, finding a handful of copper coins in a wardrobe with its door smashed in. Pathetic… but free money. And while he wasn’t hurting for cash, the five little idiots definitely were. He could earn himself some more “godly” points by handing them over.
Leaving the dilapidated shack, Jin rejoined the others and opened his quest log. They had enough hearts to turn in the quest now. He planned to return to the Bounty Board, then suggest they go eat as a celebration of their first completed mission. Eating would hopefully lead to drinking, which would hopefully lead to the five little idiots passing out—solving his babysitting problem for the night.
“Guys! Our first quest is done! We can head back.”
Distracted by him, Rei tripped over his feet and took down a kobold with him. Seeing Rei on the ground, Yuto snuck up and lodged both daggers into the kobold’s back.
“Weren’t you saying something about not being weak?”
Rei was instantly offended. “I’m not weak! I killed more than you did!”
Yuto wiped his daggers off. “Is that why you tried to take a kobold to bed?”
Shoving the kobold off him, Rei melted down. “Now I’m covered in blood! Why wouldn’t you pull him off first, then kill him? Why’s it always me with the bad luck?! Jin was the one who was yelling!”
Jin raised his hands to stop the accusations. “I just said the quest log is showing as ready to turn in. I was going to suggest we go back and then get something to eat.”
Yuto perked up. “We’re done? We finished our first quest?”
Jin nodded, gaze shifting past Yuto as he noticed the looted kobold corpses had disappeared on their own. Another key point learned—dead bodies despawned, just like in the game.
“Yeah. We can go back and turn it in now. I got the ore to sell too, but it’s only worth three copper.”
Acshellis must have heard him. Jin saw his husband click his fingers, and all the remaining kobolds around them dropped dead. Shin, pausing, kicked the closest one.
“What the hell, I wasn’t done yet. Was that you? NPC, did you do that?!”
His husband shook his head, dusting himself off. “No, it must be because the quest ended. You can still loot them to see what else dropped.”
Seiichiro rolled his eyes. “Lootable kills have a golden glow around them, we can see that, thanks.”
As per the unspoken rule, Shin and Seiichiro looted everything they could. Jin was surprised when Rei approached him. Almost nervously, he leaned in to whisper.
“Jin, can we equip grey stuff? I looted a pair of pants.”
Jin had been waiting to see if backpacks would appear in their inventory… only, they hadn’t. Yet, they could still access their items. He had a theory to test about that, but it seemed no one had looted any bags yet. Rei opened his inventory, tilting the display toward Jin.
“See? Can I wear these?”
Jin shook his head. Another key point—no one could see another person’s display.
“I can’t see your inventory the way you can. We can only see our own. What are they called? What does the description say?”
Rei frowned, tapping the item. “Suspicious pants. These stains don’t look right… but they look like normal pants. I want to wear pants again.”
Apparently, leather miniskirts weren’t all they were cracked up to be. Thinking it over, Jin shook his head.
“We’ll get some with today’s loot. Grey items aren’t cursed, but that description probably means they’re bloodied since they came off a dead kobold. What color is your skirt?”
Rei looked down. “Uh? Brown? Can’t you see it?”
Mentally, Jin took a deep breath and released it. Why did they all have to be so stupid? He obviously meant the item tier, not the actual color.
“Open your outfit tab, go to your skirt, and tell me what color the ring around the box is.”
Rei did as instructed. “It says ‘basic hunter skirt’… ummm… it’s green. Green is better than grey, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. It means you’re more protected wearing that than pants. Vendors sell blue, which lowers your stats but increases your health.”
“Oh! It’s like a normal game!”
No shit. They were in a “normal” game. What part of this hadn’t been like a game so far? Still, he felt the urge to school the little idiot.
“Yeah. Greys can be worn for fun. Same with whites. Greens are the basics. Then blues, purples, and oranges. Oranges are top-tier, but above that are reds. Red is god-level—rarest drops. If it has a pink ring, it’s from an event. Oranges are usually called golds. That’s just how it is. Same for quest items.”
Rei clicked his invisible display again, his face falling. “The kobold hearts are grey.”
“That means the quest is super low-level. Still, we should get enough coins that you can buy some pants, even if they’re cheap and just for sleeping. If it’s greyed out at a vendor, you can’t use it.”
“How am I meant to tell the difference?”
“If it’s a grey box, not just a grey ring.”
“Oh. Okay. Thanks, man. I really miss pants. Girls have it so rough. I was scared when that NPC joined us. I don’t like the way he looked at me.”
If Rei got paranoid, Shin might listen to him just for some peace, and that would make it harder for Acshellis to stay close. As the great god of the group, the trusted older player—some might even call him the “all-knowing oracle”—Jin had to guide his flock well.
“Rei, I don’t think he was looking at you like that. You’re probably being a bit paranoid. That NPC already said he has someone he loves. I’m sure he wouldn’t do anything to make that person dislike him. The system probably set it so he was married before we even got here. You’ll feel better after we buy some clothes. If that NPC does touch you, tell me, and I’ll skin him alive.”
Rei sniffled. “Really?”
“Sure. But first, we’re eating and drinking something good. Our first quest was nasty.”
Internally, Jin smiled. Another little idiot already coming to his side. His kindness was both a blessing and a curse.
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