A Month Ago

It had been weeks since Pink’s birthday party, but the memories still lingered—and not the pleasant kind. Feeling sorry for myself, I decided to drink alone. Everyone else was either busy with work or spending time with their families, leaving me to my own devices.

The bar we’d rented for Pink’s party seemed like the perfect spot. It wasn’t one of our regular haunts, so I wouldn’t risk running into anyone familiar while drowning in self-pity.

At first, the night was perfect. People left me alone, and the drinks kept coming. Fantastic. By my fourth glass, the alcohol had begun to work its magic. I wasn’t drunk yet, but the buzz was enough to loosen my thoughts, and unfortunately, they spiraled in the wrong direction.

Why was I such a coward? That smirk Idol had given me at the party was burned into my memory, etched behind the lids of my eyes everytime I closed them. Something was going on between him and Song—I was sure of it. Song hadn’t said anything, but it was obvious. The way they whispered to each other, the shy way Song acted... My Song wasn’t shy.

My Song wasn’t gay, either. He liked small, cute girls—ones he could spoil and tease. Not smug, over-the-top superstars. The mental image of Idol and Song together made my stomach churn. I shook my head, trying to banish the thought.

“Benz?”

A deep voice startled me from behind. I froze. That voice wasn’t familiar. Turning, I came face-to-face with someone unexpected: King. Another over-the-top superstar, his features were more pretty than handsome, but undeniably striking.

“King? What are you doing here?” I asked, surprised at the slight slur in my voice. Clearly, the alcohol was working.

“Same as you,” he said casually, lifting his beer.

“Wallowing in self-pity and insecurities?” I said dryly.

“Not far off,” he chuckled, taking the seat next to me.

“Why aren’t you with your friends?” I asked. I couldn’t recall ever seeing the LuminX members apart. Then again, maybe I didn’t know them well enough to judge.

King snorted. “Friends? We spend so much time together for work that sometimes I just need to get away. So here I am—drinking alone on a Saturday night and trying to get laid. What about you?”

“Working,” I shrugged, avoiding elaboration. Maybe if I kept the answers short enough he would get the hint and leave me alone. Pity parties had max 1 person attendance.

“You’re gay, right?” he asked suddenly.

I choked, nearly spitting out my drink. “Wait, what?”

He smirked, unbothered. “At Pink’s party, you weren’t really looking at the girls. And tonight, you haven’t noticed any of the women eyeing you like they want to drag you home. But you did notice that guy who walked past a few minutes ago. No judgment—I was just seeing if my intuition is still sharp.”

“You’re weird,” I muttered, frowning.

He raised an eyebrow, waiting. “Well?”

I sighed, rolling my eyes. “I’ve never dated a guy before.”

“But you’re into them,” he pressed, undeterred.

“That’s none of your business. Why do you care?”

“Why not care?” He grinned. “If I ignored everything I noticed, life would be boring. I like figuring people out—it’s fun. People are fun, most of the time.”

“You talk a lot without saying much,” I shot back.

King only laughed, the sound surprisingly warm and genuine. “So, you’re not going to tell me?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Fine,” he said with a dramatic sigh. “How about this? I’ll tell you a secret if you tell me yours.”

I hesitated. There was no way I’d tell him the truth—at least, not yet. Still, curiosity gnawed at me. Why was he here, drinking alone? And why wasn’t he chatting up one of the many women at the bar?

“Alright,” I relented. “But your secret better be good.”

“You know Cherry? She sings with Coco,” he began.

I nodded, recalling the red-haired girl often overshadowed by her groupmate.

“We used to date before we became trainees,” he said, leaning back in his seat. “She got into the company first, and I was so in love that I followed her. Passed the tryouts, too.”

His voice turned bitter. “Joke was on me. After I joined LuminX, I found out Cherry had been sleeping her way to the top. She’d been doing it behind my back for a long time. So, I figured it was easier to just fuck around like she did. Hurts less.”

His words hung heavy in the air. Despite the bitterness in his tone, the look in his eyes was raw, vulnerable. He wasn’t making this up.

“I’m sorry,” I said softly. The thought of going through something like that made my chest ache. “Why didn’t you leave the company, then? If you only joined because of her?”

“God and Idol convinced me to stay,” he said with a shrug. “And you know how hard it is to say no to God.” The grin returned, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “It’s in the past,” he said. “I’m over it. Now it’s your turn.”

I hesitated. He’d told me something deeply personal, and lying now felt wrong.

“Alright,” I muttered, rubbing my forehead. “But you can’t tell anyone.”

King nodded solemnly.

“I don’t like guys,” I admitted, taking a deep breath. “I like a guy. Song.”

The moment the words left my mouth, anxiety crashed over me. I’d never said it out loud—not to myself, not to anyone.

“So, you’re in love with your friend, and you haven’t told him?” King asked, his tone gentler than before.

I nodded, unable to meet his eyes.

“Song doesn’t like men…” I muttered, staring down at my drink. Then, with a bitter laugh, I corrected myself. “Didn’t like men. But lately… something’s going on. The way Idol looked at him at the party—it’s obvious. They’ve gotten involved somehow.”

My fist clenched on the table as the thought twisted painfully in my chest. I could feel King’s gaze on me, steady and unreadable.

“So, Idol’s stealing the love of your life, and you’re just sitting here, drinking alone,” King summarized, his tone casual but sharp.

“Shut up,” I snapped, glaring at him. But the smug smile on his face threw me off. Whatever insult I’d been ready to throw at him vanished.

King leaned closer, draping an arm around my shoulders. His voice turned softer, almost hypnotic. “Why not let Idol have his plaything and forget about Song?” His words curled in the air like smoke. “I can help you forget…”

I froze as his hand slid onto my thigh. The shock jolted me into action, and I pushed him away, my breath catching in my chest. King laughed, unbothered.

“You’re not gay,” I stammered, the words fumbling out of my mouth.

“Gay, straight—what does it matter?” he said, his voice low and smooth, as if he were sharing some great secret. “Man or woman, top or bottom, love or hate… None of it matters. Sex is about pleasure, not rules or labels.” He leaned in closer, his eyes locking onto mine. “You’re lonely. You need to forget, even just for a night. Why not? It’s not like you’re committed to anyone.”

A war raged inside me. Part of me wanted to yell, Hell yeah. Another part—the part that had spent years yearning for Song—screamed that this was a mistake. King’s words echoed in my head. Why couldn’t I just let go for one night? He was right, wasn’t he? Love didn’t matter. Gender didn’t matter. Sex was just sex.

“Let’s just drink,” I finally said, my voice quieter than I intended.

King shrugged, his grin returning as he raised his glass. “Let’s drink!” he said, clinking his glass against mine with exaggerated cheer.

The harsh sunlight cut through my eyelids, forcing me awake. I blinked against the brightness, groaning as my head throbbed with a hangover. The sound of running water echoed faintly, and as I shifted in the bed, a strange feeling prickled at me.

The sheets felt wrong—too smooth. The bed was too soft, and the sunlight streamed in from the wrong direction. None of it matched my own apartment.

I sat up slowly, my mind still groggy. Memories of the previous night began to stir, hazy but insistent. The bar. The drinks. King.

“Shit…” I whispered as the memories crashed into me like a wave. Touches, kisses, skin against skin. It all came rushing back too quickly for me to suppress. My eyes adjusted to the light, taking in the unfamiliar room around me.

This wasn’t my apartment. It was King’s.

The realization hit me like a punch to the gut. King was in the shower—I could hear him singing, his voice rich and melodic even over the sound of water.

Panic flooded my body, hot and suffocating. My first time with a man. My first time with King. What had I done?

I threw off the covers, moving quickly but silently as I scrambled to find my clothes. My hands shook as I pulled them on, the shame and regret clawing at me with every passing second. I couldn’t stay here.

I slipped out of the apartment without a word, closing the door softly behind me. The cool air outside stung my skin as I hailed a cab, my entire body trembling.

In the cab ride back to my apartment, I wrapped my arms tightly around myself, trying to stop the shaking. But I couldn’t escape the overwhelming sense of wrongness that clung to me.

I felt dirty.

I sent a message to the group chat I shared with my friends, telling them I’d be gone for a while visiting my parents. Even after a long shower, I didn’t feel any cleaner—just a hollow kind of emptiness.

As I packed my bags, my phone buzzed repeatedly with incoming messages. The notifications piled up, but I ignored them, focusing instead on folding clothes and zipping up my suitcase. When I finished, I silenced my phone. I didn’t want to talk to anyone right now.

Still, I knew I couldn’t leave without telling someone. If I disappeared without a word, they’d call my parents, and I’d have no choice but to explain everything.

Just as I was about to toss my phone into my bag, it vibrated with an incoming call. I glanced at the screen, hesitated, and then turned the phone off. Shoving it into my bag, I grabbed my things and walked out of the apartment.