A setting sun glowed behind the Brooklyn and Manhattan bridges to the west. A chilly breeze reeled in from the east, causing me to instinctively huddle tighter in my jacket. Veronica seemed unfazed, despite the typical slight pale blue tint to her skin. You would have thought she was already frozen. Maybe she was, and the breeze was actually warming her up. More and more, I was convinced she had grown up in Serbia, because how else could she ignore that chill?

To my side, Jessie carried the ashes of mom and dad in a new kitchen container. It was a miracle she didn’t catch the other one that was still probably stained from before. I can only imagine she would have gone over the edge after seeing the urns crash down. I didn’t exactly approve of Veronica technically shifting the blame to Jessie (unsaid as it was, Jessie still guiltly clutched the containers despite Veronica's half-true story)… but I’d rather I didn’t join our parents in the afterlife.

Veronica spun around as she backed up and gave us an encouraging smile. Jessie and I stared back, unsure of Veronica’s plan to scatter the ashes in our… well, Jessie’s hands. It’s not like it was necessarily frowned upon. But sending them off instead of having a place they could rest… it felt off.

“You’re not letting that Catholic guilt get to you, yeah?” Veronica piped up gently.

Jessie and I looked at Veronica with similar expressions, thinking she had read our minds. Veronica chuckled quietly.

“We’re not exactly on the same playing field when it comes to this spiritual stuff, but… cricket and baseball are close enough.”

Jessie looked back down at the ashes in her hands. The plastic buckled as her grip tightened around it. I leaned in, giving Jessie an empathetic look.

“Jess… I can do it if you need me to,” I said calmly.

Jess glanced at me for a moment before taking a deep breath and exhaling loudly.

“I got it,” she responded quietly. “I’m the oldest, so… it’s my responsibility, right?”

I stared for a moment before nodding back. We all approached the railing of the pier, peering at the water below. This… was pretty much supposed to be their new home. I was more than sure whatever Environmental Agency would string us up if they caught us doing this since we didn’t have whatever permits we needed, but that didn’t stop Veronica from prodding us into doing this.

“So… are we supposed to say something?” Jessie asked.

“It’s just as much for you as it is for them.”

Jessie paused as her mouth floundered. Veronica sighed quietly.

“Look… ashes to ashes, dust to dust. This? This is temporary. If you really believe in spirits or God, or whatever the hell you believe in… they’re up there now, yeah? I mean, unless reincarnation’s a thing, in which case, yeah, they aren’t hearing-“

Veronica snapped shut as she saw Jessie glare back. Veronica pursed her lips and nodded.

“Whatever the case… you ALL need closure. You, Jack, your mum and dad…”

Veronica walked up to Jessie and gently clasped her hands.

“No point in holding on if it’s hurting this much.”

I was taken aback by her candor. For a brief moment, I saw a look in her eyes… the same one I saw when I looked myself at the mirror: anger, shame, pain… all swirled together. Veronica turned back towards me. She smirked as she gave me a knowing look.

“You especially,” she said, somewhat jokingly.

I looked to the side, avoiding eye contact. It was easier said than done. Neither of them were responsible for this happening. That was when the thoughts got in my head. If I had kept my cool and not lashed out at Jessie… if I just kept my mouth shut like I should have… or hell if I was never even born, I-

“Come on, dork…”

An arm wrapped around me. I snapped out of the burgeoning tailspin. It took a second to process Jessie was hugging me tightly.

“They forgave you. You can, too.”

I tensed up at the words, like a knife was being wrenched in my gut. I stood there, frozen in place. Jessie didn’t let go or lighten her grip around me the entire time. A burning sensation built up in my throat after what felt like an eternity. I gasped out, trying to say anything I could. I clenched my eyes and gritted my teeth as tears welled up. I wrapped my arms around Jessie and nodded. My legs began to give way. I could feel her trembling as well.

When we were steadier, Jessie took a step back. Her eyes glistened as she did her best to hold back what I couldn’t. She gave me an inquisitive look. I smiled weakly as I nodded. She smiled and nodded back. I nearly lost my balance again as she pat my back. Jess was probably lying to make me feel better. I don’t know how they could ever forgive me for what happened, but hearing Jess tell me felt… good. I could feel a weight begin to lift from my shoulders.

Even compared to the encouragement from Veronica, there was something that was there I couldn’t explain. Maybe in a weird way, this was Jessie’s way of absolving me of what happened. She was here, basically as my keeper, and to an extent even my judge. She was still able to…

And then… a moment of enlightenment and clarity suddenly wedged itself in between the intrusive thoughts. Jessie was here… mom and dad weren’t. The ghosts of the past were anchoring me down for the past two years… maybe even for Jess as well. Whatever we were dealing with… we needed to let go. The guilt… suffering… it only brought us more of it, like some rotten feedback loop.

Jess and I needed each other… and whatever I wanted to prove to mom and dad didn’t matter as much as what she needed from me. She probably knew it from the beginning… but I was too stuck in my own head, afraid to get out of it because the thoughts blanketed me from an important fact: there’s nothing wrong with wanting to try and feel some modicum of peace.

Maybe Jessie did feel like my keeper… maybe she wanted me to feel like my life wasn’t worthless and I deserved to be here as much as her. She could have left me in some orphanage or foster home to fend on my own… but she didn’t. Jessie didn’t just stick around. She fought to stay in my life and to make sure I stayed too.

Veronica was right… she was a real one.

I pinched my eyes and wiped away the tears from my face. I let out an uncomfortable laugh. I tried to thank Jess, but couldn’t get a word out still. Her smile widened as she mussed my hair and pushed me lightly. I cleared the hair from my face as Jessie opened the container of ashes. She stared at it hesitantly as she held it over the water with her arms outstretched. I waited patiently Jessie closed her eyes and muttered something to herself.

“Just let go!” Veronica said encouragingly.

The breeze kicked up again. Instantly, Jess let go of the container, dropping it towards the water. Veronica and I stared in surprise at the… anticlimactic nature of everything. Veronica clicked her tongue.

“Not the way I meant, but-“

Without warning, the breeze kicked back towards from below. A burst of ash blasted Jessie and I in the face, coating us with our parents earthly remains. My eyes and mouth were clenched shut, refusing to open. Jessie stood at the railing, shellshocked. She stared out into the open waters, her mouth agape and arms still outstretched. Maybe… maybe we jumped the gun on the whole “forgiveness” thing.

A snicker grabbed our attentions as we looked towards Veronica. I had never seen so much color in her face as she buried her mouth into the sleeve of her coat. She was trying with every ounce of restraint not to let out a mocking laugh… but this was Veronica we were talking about. Soon the dam burst, and Veronica was howling, keeling over and struggling to breathe.

“OH, GOD!” she wheezed. “HOLY CHRIST, MATE, THEY DO HATE YOU!”

She sputtered out something else incoherent between the laughs and wheezes. I could barely make out a couple of “I’m sorry’s,” but I was in too much shock to really process what was happening at the moment. I didn’t care that everyone was gawking at us like a circus show, nor did I care that I was being laughed at by one of the closest people in my life. I was covered in my parents ashes… and I wanted to scream. Alas… no such luck.

Veronica stifled herself as she walked up to us. She smiled behind a hand doing it’s best to keep her from letting her feelings of the matter known any more publicly.

“Think of it as them giving you one last hug?” Veronica said with a shaky voice.

Jessie’s head turned towards Veronica. Her wide-eyed stare suddenly had a fire burning behind it. Veronica’s smile dropped like a stone. The two stared at each other for a second. As Veronica opened her mouth, Jessie darted past me towards her. Veronica was off like a hat in the wind as she did her best to escape from Jessie’s wrath. She dived into the car and quickly locked the door as Jessie got her hand on the door handle.

Jessie fumbled around her pockets, trying to pull the keys out, ash and dust flying up from her. Veronica lifted Jessie’s pair of keys with a mildly fearful smirk. Jessie shouted out as she tried to pry at the handle to get the door open.

“I JUST… WANT… A WORD!” Jessie shouted between the pulls.

“Jess, love, calm down!”

“I’M CALM!”

I slowly shuffled over to the swing chair where the couple was. The very quickly vacated the seat as I sat down. I coughed quietly, fading out to Jessie pining for her revenge against Veronica.

“Freakin’ Mondays, man…”