I ate my fruit salad in silence. Where does this money come from, Cas?

Something told me he wasn't mowing the neighbors' lawn or delivering newspapers.

"Lost your tongue?"

"I'm thinking."

"Don't do it," he scoffed. "Every time you start thinking, everything goes to shit."

Right. I should get a lobotomy to stop hearing warning bells every time I get close to this guy.

I finished my fruit cup and left it in the sink. Esther made a faint sound, like a cat asking for a cuddle.

Cas pretended not to notice, and I minded my own business, holding back every comment. His mother had been in this state for three months. Someone had to feed her, bathe her, put her to bed, and I knew Cas would never let Carli take on these responsibilities.

But I couldn't even imagine Casper taking care of that same mother who had never cared for him.

"Do you need help with the funeral?"

I saw this smack coming, but I didn't try to avoid it. "You focus on the letter. That's the only thing that matters to me."

Right. I had almost forgotten about the letter. And at that moment, I began to ponder if it was all a fabrication, if there had never been any letter, if Cas had just made up an excuse to lure me to his house and show me what was happening.

He wouldn't have come to tell me that his mother was dying and he needed me.

"Cut it out."

"What?"

"You're thinking again. I told you not to."

How annoying could he be? Every time I found a shred of compassion and understanding for him...

"Come on. It's getting cloudy, if we don't hurry it'll rain."

I was suddenly pulled forward by the strap of the backpack to the front door. "Hey! Hey!"I hurried to grab my hat and sunglasses before being hit by the outside light.

"But, your mother... do we leave her here? And what if... I don't know... she feels unwell?"

"We can only cross our fingers, Ben."

The creak of the door mixed with a squeak of surprise. Not mine, and certainly not Cas's. A miniature human had tried to enter while we were leaving.

The little creature had long black hair, a pair of shorts so short they could have been denim underwear, and a backpack on its back.

"Fuck. This guy again?" The little one was pointing at me, and it wasn't at all a little one, but a little girl.

"Carli! You've grown!" I smiled, trying to appear friendly, getting in return a sound of utmost disgust.

"Ben's helping me with something," Casper explained.

Carli muttered something as she pushed her brother aside to enter the house. The sound she directed at me was much more polite than what she did at the sight of her mother, accompanied by a grumbling of: "Are you going to kick the bucket or what?"

As she walked down the hallway, I noticed something even more disturbing than what she had just said. "Those are... yo-your sister has breasts? That's not possible."

"She's eleven," said Cas, as if there were nothing surprising about an eleven-year-old having breasts.

Eleven is tiny. Carli was tiny! The first time I saw her, she couldn't count to ten, and now she was walking around with breasts and denim underwear?

"What's she doing here? Shouldn't she be at school?"

"I don't know. Shall we go?"

I DON'T KNOW?

That idiot walked outside as if nothing had happened.

"But-!" I ran after him. "Hold on!" In that instant, I was hit by a realization: Casper's mother was dying, and Carli was just eleven years old. Casper should have applied for guardianship.

Hope wasn't what I should have felt at the news of Esther's imminent death, and it was certainly a feeling I should have learned to ignore at this point.

"Cas, you need to get a job." I was delusional. I was a poor desperate fool who kept believing there was a way to get that idiot out of the life he was getting himself into.

By now, I knew he would never change for me. But maybe... for Carli...

"You need to prepare to apply for guardianship. You need to prove you have income with a decent job. We need to tidy up the house before the inspections come. My mother can help you with lawyers, and..."

"Cut it out."

That was enough to destroy any enthusiasm. Hope flew out the window and smashed its head on the pavement.

"Nothing will change. I've taken care of Carli since she was born, I don't need a piece of paper to give me permission to keep doing what I've always done."

This was going to end badly. If I hadn't carefully measured the next words, it would have ended in one of those fights with screaming and ear-splitting arguments.

"Casper, you NEED to formalize your role as guardian. If someone were to come and check..."

"NOBODY WILL COME TO CHECK!" If he had a table in front of him, he would have pounded his fist on it. He seemed bigger when he got angry. I could almost see the gleam of fury in his eyes.

Cas took a deep breath.

I felt incredibly tired of this charade between us. Not for the first time, I wished he would lose control.

Put your hands on me, push me, hit me, close forever what's left between us and let me move on.

"If anyone cared enough to come and check, do you think we would be living like this?" His voice still carried bitterness, but the violence had melted away. His body no longer stood like a bear ready to attack.

"If you weren't such a fucking proud asshole, you would have accepted my help years ago to get out of this place."

With a snort, he turned, heading towards the neighbor's house. "You're the last person who can lecture me about pride."

That sentence made no sense. I would never have hesitated to accept money to get out of a bad situation.

Casper, on the other hand, was willing to give up everything just to avoid asking for help. He had given up school, he had given up finding a legal job. He had given up on me.

It had been naive of me to believe that for Carli he would make the effort to change.

I had to accept it. Casper had chosen his path, made of juvenile prison, expulsions, thefts, brawls and, soon enough, real prison.

I had no intention of following him, and I had no intention of witnessing his slow self-destruction.

"Shall we?" He asked when he saw me still standing in the doorway. He stopped and waited for me, so sure that I would join him.

One last time.

And then...

Never again.