Read Make Me Forget :: Every Last Minute

Tiago’s brothers stare at me when we come in the door like they aren’t sure who I am.

“It’s me!” I exclaim, and Mario turns to Tiago. He mimes cutting his hair and jabbers away so fast I catch nothing.

But I know what he said.

“It should be fairly obvious I cut my hair, right?” I say jokingly to Tiago.

He laughs, and I leave them in the hallway. I settle down on my bed with my book, but then I hear Tiago and his brothers laughing in their room and decide to join them. I bring my book and sit on Tiago’s bed. The boys laugh and sing songs and mess with each other. I wonder what it was like for the three of them, growing up in this little room, in this little house.

Then Rafael and Tiago start to argue. It begins small, disagreeing over something, and grows louder, with the two of them standing up and getting in each other’s faces. I don’t understand enough to know what they’re arguing about. I expect Martha to barge in as they shout and get in each other’s faces, but maybe she’s used to this. I probably should be; it happens almost daily. But I’m not.

“Tiago,” I say, trying to get his attention.

But he doesn’t hear me. He puts both hands on Rafael and pushes him.

I jump to my feet, and Mario grabs my arm.

“Não!” he yells, barring me from getting closer.

Rafael stumbles back but regains his footing, and he charges Tiago, smacking into his torso like a football player. Tiago slams backward, his back crashing into the tile flooring and his head cracking against the closed door.

“Tiago!” I exclaim.

He lies there, stunned, and I finally break free of Mario. I collapse in front of Tiago, grabbing his shoulders, touching the back of his head.

He shoves me off. “Get off me, I’m fine.”

He’s trying to get to his feet. His eyes are glossy, unfocused, but rage darkens his face. I know what will happen if he gets back up.

“No!” I exclaim. “No, I won’t!” I punch his shoulder, getting his attention. “You’re such a stupid idiot, all of you are! Grow up and stop treating each other like rutting pigs!” I stand up and grab the door, and if he hadn’t slid out of the way, I would have banged his head again when I yanked it open. That’s when I realize I’m crying.

Silence reigns behind me.

I don’t stay to see if they’ll resume the fighting. I don’t go to my room, where I know Tiago can find me and tell me he’s sorry I had to see that but that’s the way it is here. I move right out the front door.

Now what? I’m in the courtyard between the house and the wall that keeps out intruders. The garage is to my left and the shed is behind the house. Neither offers a good place to sit and mope.

So I open the gate and leave the yard.

I stop when I get outside. I’ve never been out here by myself before.

But I know where I am. I’ve walked these streets plenty of times. Grandpa’s house is to my left and around the corner. The park is ten minutes down the diagonal path from there. The grocery store is twenty minutes to my right, and the city center is half an hour away.

I don’t know where I’m going, but I start walking.

The tears leak out as I walk. I turn down streets and hope I don’t get lost because I didn’t even bring my phone in my rush to escape. I suspect there will be hell to pay. I accused Tiago of immaturity, but I’m the one who ran out of the house like a crazy lady.

I stop on a bridge overlooking a stinky, filthy river, and I know where I am. There’s a restaurant not far from here where Tiago and I ate on one of my first nights in Brazil. I lean over the railing and take a deep breath.

I desperately want to talk to someone about the painful web of emotions whirling around inside of me.

I want my mom.

I want to leave. I can’t be around Tiago anymore and realize every day that I could love him quite desperately if I let myself, but I won’t let myself because if he and I ended up married, it would be a disaster.

I would not be happy. I didn’t mean to lie when I told Tiago I would be, but I didn’t have all the facts.

Love is not all you need.

***

I don’t leave the bridge. I’m certain Tiago will come looking for me. I tick off the days I have left in my head. Five.

Owen will be on his mission in three.

My heart is broken and I’m tired of hurting. I want to forget them both.

It’s not always meant to be and it’s not always up to me.

I hear him coming before he reaches me. He’s out of breath, his face red, and I like to imagine he’s been running through the whole city trying to find me. He slows when he gets near me, and then he stands beside me, resting his arms on the railing and looking out over the water.

I don’t look at him or acknowledge him.

We stand that way for a few minutes before he says, “I ran past you three times before I realized it was you. I was still looking for long hair.”

He’s trying to break the ice, but it’s not working.

“I want to go home,” I say quietly.

“Come on. I’ll walk you back.”

I don’t move. “Not your home. Mine.” Tears prick my eyes again, and I thought I was done crying.

He looks at me. I feel his eyes studying my face. “Why?” he asks, matching my tone.

“If I tell you, I will only hurt you,” I answer.

He’s quiet a long moment. Then he says, “Okay. I’m ready.”

I give a half smile and finally turn to face him. “Are you sure? When I finish, you’ll want to put me on a plane and never speak to me again.”

His gaze flicks over me. “It was just another stupid fight, Lucia.”

I roll my eyes. “Yes, I know. Just another one. And you’re sorry I had to see it. But it had to happen. That’s how it is when someone is disrespectful and you’re laying down the law.”

“Well—” he begins.

“I’m not here to change your mind. I tried that. I accept things the way they are.”

“You sound like you are still mad at me.”

I shake my head. “I’m not. I’m tired, that’s all.”

“Come on. Let me take you back. You can sleep.”

I give up. I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling, anyway. I let him take my arm and pull me from the bridge.

He starts talking as we walk. “When I realized you’d left the house, I was so worried. I didn’t know you were that upset. I didn’t tell my mom because I was afraid she’d call the police, but I came right out to find you. And Rafael and Mario, they are out also. Or they were. I texted them and told them I found you, so they went home.”

Shame stirs in my core. “I didn’t mean to cause a scene. I just wanted to get away and be by myself for a bit.”

“I know how you feel.” His arm goes around my shoulder, pulling me into his side. “You worried us. Are you okay?”

Five more days. Five more days until I leave him.

I’m dreading it and anxious for it.

I stop walking. He needs to be able to move on with his life also. But is this the right time? Should I wait?

Suddenly I know how Owen felt when I showed up at his house for his birthday. He knew we were going to break up, but with me there—it changed the timing. He wanted every last minute with me before he did it.

I decide I want every last minute with Tiago also.