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Dear Diary,

I knew today was going to be weird when my next client literally crashed through my office window.

Not walked in. Not knocked on the door. Crashed. Through. The. Window.

There I was, sipping my overpriced oat milk latte, when suddenly—

BOOM.

Glass shatters, books fly, and a very green-haired man tumbles in, swords and all, looking pissed.

Naturally, I did the professional thing.

I screamed.

To be fair, having a whole-ass samurai drop from the sky would startle anyone.

He groans, dusts himself off, and just sits down like nothing happened.

“...So,” I start, still processing the fact that my insurance does not cover pirate-related damages. “Do you… need help?”

He looks at me, eyes sharp, posture stiff. “Tch. I don’t need therapy.”

Ah. Classic.

I check my notes. “Well, according to the guy who signed you up—Sanji—”

Zoro’s entire face twists with disgust. “That curly-browed bastard. He’s the one who sent me here?”

“Oh, absolutely.” I nod. “With a lovely note. It says, ‘Please fix this dumbass before he gets himself killed. Also, tell him he’s a moss-headed idiot.’”

Zoro makes a low growl, like an actual animal. He’s fuming.

I clear my throat. “So, why don’t we start with why you think Sanji signed you up?”

Silence.

Then, he leans forward, scowling. “I don’t trust people.”

Oh? Interesting.

I raise an eyebrow. “Is it because of your tragic backstory?”

His eye twitches.

So, that’s a yes.

Zoro exhales sharply, like this whole conversation is physically painful for him. “I’ve been betrayed before. People break promises. I don’t need anyone watching my back. I’ll handle things on my own.”

God. The raw anime protagonist energy is STRONG with this one.

I nod, scribbling in my notebook. “Right. Classic lone wolf behavior. Tell me, do you also stand dramatically in the rain when you’re feeling sad?”

Zoro glares.

I take that as a yes.

“Look, I get it,” I say, tapping my pen. “You’re used to fighting alone. Depending on others is hard when you’ve been hurt before.”

He scoffs. “You sound like that idiot Luffy.”

“Oh, the captain? The one you would literally die for?”

Zoro sputters. “That’s—shut up.”

Mmm. Denial. Classic.

“Okay, so let’s talk about something else,” I say smoothly. “Like your other issue.”

His brows knit together. “What other issue?”

I point to the giant hole in my window. “You broke in here because you got lost, didn’t you?”

Zoro stiffens. “Tch. No.”

“You did.”

“I didn’t.”

I sigh. “Okay, humor me. How exactly did you get here?”

He folds his arms. “I walked.”

I wait.

He clenches his jaw. “For… a while.”

I tilt my head.

He mutters, “...Maybe three hours.”

I blink. “You got lost for THREE HOURS trying to find my office?”

His entire aura radiates shame.

“…Yes.”

I can’t help it. I burst out laughing.

He scowls. “IT’S NOT FUNNY.”

“Dude, you carry THREE SWORDS but can’t handle Google Maps?!”

His glare intensifies. “I don’t need some stupid map. My sense of direction is fine.”

LIES. LIES AND SLANDER.

I wipe away a tear. “Alright, alright. Let’s do some therapy before you accidentally wander into another dimension.”

Zoro grunts but stays seated, arms crossed, looking very uncomfortable. But he stays.

Which means—progress.

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Session Notes – Patient File #003

Client: Roronoa Zoro. Pirate hunter turned pirate. Professional swordsman. Directionally challenged.

Issue: Trust issues, extreme independence, and cannot navigate to save his life.

Plan:

✔ Step 1: Help him unpack his deep-seated trauma.

✔ Step 2: Teach him that relying on others ≠ weakness.

✔ Step 3: Get him a GPS. Immediately.

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 Diary,

Pirates. Actual pirates. That’s what my life has come to.

If I ever have to explain to my landlord why there’s a sword-shaped hole in my window, I’m charging Sanji for damages.

Let’s see what tomorrow brings.