---

Dear Diary,

I thought Harley Quinn evaluating my therapy skills was the worst thing to happen to me.

I was wrong.

Today, my client was the actual Big Bad Wolf.

And he was here to clear his name.

---

Session Begins (With Immediate Hostility)

The door creaked open, and in walked—no, stalked—the Big Bad Wolf.

Tall. Muscular. Covered in thick, dark fur. He had glowing yellow eyes, sharp claws, and an aura of “I could eat you, but I probably won’t. Probably.”

He flopped onto the couch, exhaling dramatically. "Doc, we need to talk."

I adjusted my notes. "Alright, Mr. Wolf. What brings you in today?"

He bared his fangs—not in a snarl, but in what I think was supposed to be a smile. "Reputation control."

I blinked. "Come again?"

"I am sick and tired of being labeled the ‘Big Bad Wolf.’ Just because I ate one little girl and her grandma—suddenly, I’m the face of villainy? Meanwhile, humans eat everything—cows, chickens, fish, even baby animals! But do I go around calling you monsters? Nooo!"

I stared. "So… you're upset about double standards?"

"Exactly!" He sat up, wagging a clawed finger at me. "You know what I get called in every single story? ‘The monster.’ The ‘big bad’ of every fairy tale! Meanwhile, the so-called ‘heroes’ literally commit breaking and entering! You think I don’t remember that little menace Goldilocks?"

I nodded slowly. "The porridge thing was pretty messed up."

"Right?!" He threw up his paws. "And let’s talk about the Three Little Pigs. I did not destroy their houses out of malice— I was HUNGRY!”

I scribbled in my notes. "So… you feel unfairly villainized."

"Doc, I am being* framed by history!***"

---

A Wolf’s Perspective on Classic Fairy Tales

Red Riding Hood Incident?

"Listen, she entered my woods, okay? I didn’t stalk her—she literally walked right into my territory. And her grandma? I won’t lie, she was old, but tough. Like eating overcooked venison. Hardly my fault!"

Three Little Pigs?

"First of all, those pigs were taunting me. You ever had a pig yell ‘Loser!’ while slamming the door in your face? And that straw house? It practically collapsed on its own—I barely had to breathe!"

Other Crimes?

"I may have eaten a few goats. And, okay, some sheep. But that’s literally my diet!"

I tapped my pen against my chin. "So, would you say you feel misunderstood?"

"Absolutely!" He leaned in. "Look at me, Doc. What do you see?"

I glanced at his razor-sharp claws, hulking frame, and glowing predator eyes. "Um… a terrifying apex predator?"

"EXACTLY!" He sighed dramatically. "I was born with these teeth and claws. Society sees me as a monster before I even open my mouth! Meanwhile, the so-called ‘heroes’ get a free pass on all their crimes. Jack literally stole from a giant and murdered him, and yet I’m the bad guy?"

I flipped through my notes. "Have you ever considered rebranding? Like, maybe not calling yourself ‘Big Bad Wolf’?"

He blinked. "I didn’t name myself that."

"Then why not use a different name? Something less intimidating?"

He crossed his arms. "Like what?"

I hesitated. "Maybe… Greg?"

His eyes darkened immediately. "I am NOT a Greg."

"Okay, okay, no Greg. What about something more neutral? Fenrir? Lupin? Ralph?"

He snorted. "Lupin? You think I’m a Harry Potter character?"

---

The Root of the Problem

After a long (and slightly terrifying) back-and-forth, we finally reached the real issue:

He wasn’t just mad about his reputation. He was tired of living up to it.

"I don’t even want to be the villain anymore, Doc," he muttered. "I just want to hunt in peace, maybe start a small business—something respectable. Like, I don’t know…"

He waved a paw absently.

"…a food truck."

I blinked. "A food truck?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I was thinking ‘Big Wolf’s BBQ.’ You know, get some ethical meat sources, spice things up a little—literally. Maybe sell some smoked turkey legs? People love those at Renaissance fairs."

I stared at him. "You want to go from fairy tale villain… to running a medieval-style food stand?"

"Why not?" He shrugged. "People love a good redemption arc. Look at Zuko."

I scribbled furiously in my notebook. "Zuko comparison noted."

---

Session Notes (I Am Once Again Exhausted)

Client: The Formerly Big, Still-Pretty-Intimidating Wolf.

Issue: Unfair villainization. Frustration with double standards. Possible career crisis.

Plan:

Explore anger management (especially regarding fairy tale narratives).

Encourage self-rebranding.

Look into food truck business licensing.

Find out if Red Riding Hood has a restraining order.

Final Thought:

My job is weird.