In one of the funeral rooms, Mrs. Han knelt and wept before her husband's altar, clad in a black hanbok. At the far end of the room, Kang Xiumin and Lee Hawoon stood with their children. 

Kang Xiumin sighed deeply, lifting his head to keep his tears from falling. He then went to his weeping mother and wrapped a comforting arm around her.

Minjun stood in the doorway, watching his mother cry. Even though he had cried for days, it felt as if he would never run out of tears. 

“Oppa...” A woman’s familiar voice called out to him.

Before Minjun could turn to her, he wiped his eyes with his arm. But when he turned to see who it was, his eyes widened.

It was Han Aera.

She came closer to him, with sadness in her eyes. “Condolence, oppa.”

Minjun suddenly felt a pang of guilt in his chest. He slightly bowed his head to reciprocate her condolences. 

“Im Sung-ae-oppa told me you were here because you were not answering my calls,” Han Aera said.

Minjun sighed to himself. “Let’s not talk here.”

Minjun led Han Aera to the room with low tables where their visitors were drinking and eating. The area was mostly empty. Minjun and Han Aera sat across from each other as silence lingered for several seconds.

Minjun kept his head down, unable to meet Han Aera’s gaze because of the swirling guilt within him. He could not deny that since Minjin had left him, Han Aera had become his rebound girl. 

After years of having her and doing consensual sexual things, when she asked him last month if they’d be officially together, he did not contact her anymore.

He clenched his hands in his lap, convinced he had become the man Minjin had feared he would be. Minjin may have been gone for years, but her words lingered with him, constantly reminding him that she had always been right, and he had always listened to her until she left him.

"I... I am sorry, Aera-ah.” Minjun finally managed to say it, almost like an audible.

“Oppa, I gave you everything. Why...” Han Aera said as she cut herself off.

“It’s not you; it’s me. I’m really sorry, Aera-ah,” Minjun said as he tried to look into her eyes, but he felt even guiltier when he saw her eyes swelling with tears.

“I was there when you were brokenhearted. I listened to you as you vented about her leaving you for MIT. I was there for everything you felt like drinking; I was with you every time you had urges. Why? I can’t be enough for you, oppa?” Han Aera asked, with her tears finally falling on her cheeks as she tried to lower her voice.

Minjun tried to keep his eyes on her eyes full of tears. He also felt like crying, feeling the tightening in his chest. There was no excuse. He wanted to tell her that he used her to forget about Minjin, but if he did, he’d only break her heart worse than now.

“I.. I know. It is not you, Aera-ah. It always has been me,” Minjun only managed to say.

Han Aera lifted her head and wiped her tears with her hands. Then she stood to her seat and left Minjun.

Minjun lowered his head again as he clenched his hands, and he finally let the tears fall on his face. He allowed himself to feel the pain of regret for all the things he had done to Minjin and Han Aera. 

These two girls had always been too perfect and had sincerely loved him, but he always had them leave him because he was selfish and narcissistic.

The pain of the death of his father also came rushing to his chest.  Since Minjin had convinced him to allow him to be a doctor, his father had started being supportive of his dream as he tried to fill out what Minjin had failed to do and should have been doing for him.

Studying how the brain works and human psychology had finally helped him understand his problem. His heartache due to Minjin and his father's deaths was about his attachment to them. He could not be fully committed to Han Aera because, deep inside him, he knew that there was a fear of being left out again.

As he cried to himself, he felt someone come to him and embrace him.

“It’s okay to cry, Minjun-ah. This may seem difficult at the moment, but God has a reason for this. In the future, you will be able to see why,” Song Hyein said while she comforted him with a hug.

Minjun kept crying as he tried to grasp her shoulder. He thought to himself, "It was never God who put him in this situation; it was himself."

###

After a few months, Minjun stood on stage wearing his academic gown and delivered his speech to all his fellow graduates. He felt proud to have been awarded the highest honor among the students.

He looked around and stayed quiet for a few seconds.

Then he sighed deeply. "I want to apologize to all the girls I ghosted and the guys I offended. Now that I’m older and have studied the brain and human psychology, I understand not only myself but also others. As a future doctor, I need to understand people in order to meet their needs, help them recover from their illnesses, and extend their lives. Despite life being difficult for everyone, some want to survive and keep living for the sake of their loved ones."

He then paused as the crowd applauded his statement.

“I also would like to mention my first love. All of my classmates know about my first love because I kept venting about her every time I was drunk.”

The crowd slightly laughed at his remarks.

“Minjin-ah was the one who encouraged my late father to allow me to pursue medicine. She had been very supportive of me when we were younger, but I was stupid enough to let her go because of my narcissism. This achievement is also for her. Minjin-ah, I finally graduated from SNU. That’s all, thank you.” 

Minjun stepped away from the stand to bow his head respectfully.

When he finished his speech, everyone applauded.

He stood on stage to fully absorb their applause, and he couldn’t deny that it felt good. He glanced at his mother and older brother, who were sitting in the front row. Suddenly, he felt like crying as he remembered his late father.

He then looked ahead to take another glance at the audience and thought of Minjin, who would have been happy for him at that moment.