Relief had finally come at the start of last winter. Tucked away in a back corner of the library’s third floor was a book so old that Amaryllis had feared it would break apart at the slightest touch. The spine threatened to crack when she opened it, and the pages were stiff and brittle. The book, A Beginner’s Understanding of the Elements, was the first to discuss dark magic with any detail instead of simply condemning it.

Dark magic, unlike what she had thought, had nothing to do with corruption. It dealt with shadows and vacuums, a concept she was altogether unfamiliar with. Shadows were at the core of nearly every elemental spell a dark mage used. A mage would imbue a shadow, usually their own, with mana and could control it from there. 

With practice a dark mage could manipulate multiple shadows at once, pulling from their surroundings to increase the power of their spell. Shadows could be used to hide and to distract. Since the shadows became a bit more corporeal once imbued with mana, they could even be layered and used as stepping stones or hand holds.

The vacuums confused and fascinated her. Like a dry cloth absorbing water, a shadow could pull in what it touched. The book reported a few rare cases where particularly powerful mages could even take small items, but that was beyond most. Instead, things like heat, water, and air were usually absorbed. Not only were they absorbed, but they were stored, albeit temporarily. Storing and releasing the elements came down to practice and mana capacity. It wasn’t uncommon for novices to accidently soak themselves or others when their mana petered out and the water they’d stored splashed out of their shadows.

Amaryllis had always thought that dark magic devoured whatever it came into contact with, destroying everything in its path. But the more she had read the more she realized just how little she knew. 

Having never left her father’s castle she had always accepted that she was naïve. Few spoke to her outside of her family and tutors. What little she knew of the world came from the snippets she overheard at banquets or from the maids’ gossip. But now she was wondering if she wasn’t the only one who was mistaken. If this book was correct, which she desperately hoped it was, dark magic had absolutely nothing to do with corruption.

It was common knowledge that dark mages inherently caused corruption and such criminals were always executed as soon as they were found. But she had done nothing. Not really. Was stopping a fall and hiding for a few moments a crime? It wasn’t like she had been sneaking around intending to steal something. And she didn’t think she was spreading corruption.

Every morning since her awakening she had checked her body for grey tinged skin and dark black veins, terrified the maids would notice before she did.  And every morning she found nothing. Her skin was the same pale creamy color as always. She clung to the hope that the book was right. That everyone else was wrong. 

Hundreds of years had passed since the book was written. Much had been lost when the empire that had run the continent fell two hundred years ago. Was it so hard to believe that dark magic and corruption had gotten conflated at some point during the time of upheaval?

Bolstered by this tenuous hope she had started to discretely practice at night in her room. The mana within her core would readily respond when she reached for it, but controlling it was something else altogether. It took her weeks to become comfortable manipulating it. 

Mages usually used runes to direct their mana to do what they wanted. The runes were like a complex formula, telling the mana what to do in order to cast a particular spell. But wild mages didn’t need runes. At least not for the basics of their element. Awakenings wouldn’t happen if that was the case.

Amaryllis had no proper teacher to guide her, nor would she be able to find one. The mages her father employed would never risk their comfortable positions to help her. Duke Lavalham had made it abundantly clear to everyone that he did not approve of women using magic. 

The middle princess of Tesslands, Jessamina, was a renowned wind mage. When she had returned from her studies at the mages tower three years ago her father had gone on endlessly about how unbecoming it was for a noblewoman to use magic. Women needed to stay within their role of managing the household. Hosting, budgeting, managing the servants and castle supplies were all more than enough to keep them busy in his opinion. Lighter hobbies like reading, music, and art could be pursued once everything else was finished.

 Amaryllis wasn’t entirely sure what her father could do to stop her from practicing magic, but she was certain nothing good would come from him finding out. 

So, she fumbled forward on her own. Feeling the mana that was present around her, accumulating it within her core, and then using it effectively had all taken time to master. Merely moving her own shadow around on the ground was difficult at first. Her shadow would stretch and shrink in the directions she wanted, but drastically too far or too little.

By mid-winter she was able to use her own shadow with ease and draw on the ones around her too. The other shadows were a bit trickier. They were stiff and hard to move like new boots that hadn’t properly molded to her feet yet. But a bit of extra mana and some flexing usually brought them to heel.

Amaryllis practiced cloaking herself with shadows in her dressing room. She would watch in the mirror as the shadows slowly wrapped around her. They had frightened her at first, but as her understanding grew her fear faded. She started to feel a bit of awe as her shadow cloak moved into place. She wasn’t completely gone but she was certainly unrecognizable, almost as if she had become a shadow herself. When she was in a dimly lit area it was as if she disappeared. She was fairly certain that no one would notice her unless they bumped into her on accident, but she could avoid that if she were careful.

 Amaryllis had always thought herself rather mediocre. She had no great talents, beauty, or sharp wit like Veronica who fortunately had all three. Her lineage was her main claim and it was not an achievement she could call her own. But this, this was undeniable proof that she was a mage. Each time she watched her reflection disappear as she stepped back into the shadows, she felt a growing sense of pride fill her.

Though she was a novice, she could tell that her daily practices had grown her core. The feeling of power inside her had deepened and the time she could spend practicing had gotten longer. 

She had been careful to never use all of her mana. Even she knew of the consequences of mana depletion. Mages who used all of their mana would get terribly ill and be bedridden for days after. It sounded horrible. It also sounded like a sure way for her to get caught.

By the end of winter, she was confident enough to use her magic within the main castle. Not often, but enough to know she could move around unnoticed when the circumstances were right. 

She didn’t dare use it in the art hallway though. There was far too much light from the windows to create a shadowy area, and she would be found out fairly quickly if the reports from the guards and the librarians didn’t match.

But she was bold enough to use it a few times inside the library itself. The second and third floor tended to be dim. The shelves right by the windows were bright but the rest were in near constant shadow. Amaryllis got into the habit of searching for books on magic while wearing her shadow cloak. That saved her from being caught a few times and confirmed her abilities when the librarians walked by without noticing her. She couldn’t help but feel relief and joy whenever that happened.

That joy was quickly quashed by frustration however as she struggled to understand how to use a rune. 

A Beginner’s Understanding of the Elements didn’t have any runes in it. The author had been more focused on the theory of the different elements rather than practical uses so likely felt no need to put them in. She had wanted to find at least a beginner shadow rune to practice with, hoping her affinity would help her use it. Leaning into her wild mage instincts had helped her learn shadow manipulation, but she found herself stagnating as she failed with rune after rune.

Every other book she read on magic basics stated that mages imbued their mana into a rune to cast a spell. But no matter what she did she couldn’t get them to work. She had tried several that were labeled as basic before finally finding the beginner spell nearly all mages learned on. Ironically it was a light spell. 

Light magic was the opposite of dark magic, but this spell apparently drew upon the energy of mana itself rather than a specific element. In theory no particular affinity was required. Amaryllis was wary but as she had success nowhere else and the rune was relatively simple, she had committed it to memory.

Now that she was confined to her room, she had nothing but time to practice. Shadows were subtle, easy to dismiss in a moment without drawing attention, but light was different. Amaryllis could hardly practice at night without being noticed. Well, once she got the spell to work that is. Light coming from under her door would draw any servant to her room and if she was still struggling to master it, she worried she’d have trouble fully dismissing the spell in time.

But during confinement none were allowed to visit her. Even her siblings abided by that rule. Her nursemaid delivered simple meals at set times, and dropped off tepid water for her baths. The duke believed that boring food, loneliness, and lack of attendants would remind a young lady of her place and make her think on her mistakes. Amaryllis would gladly take on the title of troublemaker if this peaceful silence was the extent of her punishment.

The maids were either overly chatty or quietly judgmental. She found both types exhausting to deal with. Her clothes were also simple enough that she didn’t need attendants to dress. The laces at the back of her dress were a bit untidy when she knotted them herself, but that hardly mattered when she stayed in her room.

So, Amaryllis dedicated her alone time to figuring out how to imbue a rune with mana. She hated to admit it, but she struggled. 

Shadow manipulation had come so easily but this felt impossible. No matter what she did the rune wouldn’t work. She felt like she was painting over the intricate pattern with her mana rather than filling it. As if there were some invisible barrier blocking her mana.

By the afternoon of the fourth day, when her frustration was peaking, she managed to figure it out. A faint glimmer appeared in her palm for a few moments. Her control slipped almost immediately as her excitement got int the way of her focus.  

She had been thinking of the rune and her mana as two separate entities, like a glass that needed to be filled with water. Instead, she had to mold her mana into the shape of the rune, pushing it along the paths and curves of the patterns, rather than simply pouring her mana over the shape she held separately in her mind. After another few hours of practice she could create a small glow for a few minutes at a time. Just enough to rival a candle. Amaryllis knew it wasn’t much, but she still felt elated at her success.

Runes were so different from how she worked with her shadows. She merely needed to touch them with her mana and guide them. Their response was almost immediate and it felt as easy breathing. 

But with the light rune she needed to practice over and over until sweat dripped down her brow to see even a miniscule amount of improvement. It was exhausting, but she saw how useful they could be. Elemental affinity made it easy to use a single element, but runes held the key to control the others.

Excitement filled Amaryllis. With her understanding of the light rune came the possibility of learning more, so much more. 

In her search for basic runes, she had come across a few others that were widely viewed as good starting points for beginners, a healing spell and a levitation spell.  She had already copied them down in the hopes that she could maybe learn them too. That hope no longer felt foolish as she started to split her time between practicing the light spell and memorizing the next rune.