2:15 PM Lanie: Thanks for helping me out last night. I got home safe and Mell stayed with me all night.

2:18 PM Jackke: That’s great to hear :-) How are u feeling?

2:30 PM Lanie: You mean in general or in terms of last night?

2:33 PM Jackke: Either?

2:33 PM Jackke: Both?

2:41 PM Lanie: hungover as hell and depressed. Probably shouldn’t be bothering someone I barely know with my problems.

2:45 PM Jackke: Its ok :-) Things seem hard rn. Do u want to get together and talk about it sometime?

I texted Jackke as soon as Mell left. We’ve sent a few texts back and forth and now I’m reading Jackke’s last text over and over again with a frown on my face. I’ve drafted and then deleted about sixteen different responses in the past few hours and none have seemed good enough. Someone to talk to might be nice but… I don’t want to deal with anyone right now, especially someone I don’t know. I hardly even have the drive or energy to deal with Mell. I end up leaving xem on read and putting my phone back on the nightstand, rolling over to stare at the opposite wall of my room. 

I’ve gotten out of bed exactly once to throw up and to get an ice pack for my head, hungover from last night, but then I just wobbled back to bed. I check the time and notice it’s already 7 PM. Have I really been rotting in bed all day?

What day of the week is it again? It’s definitely a weekday which means I’ve missed a ballet class. I pick my phone back up and shoot my instructor a message apologizing for not contacting her before class, saying it’s because I’m incredibly sick. Which… Isn’t entirely a lie, at least. She responds back telling me to get some extra practice outside of class to make up for it so I don’t get rusty. Ballet is tricky like that, you need to be practicing regularly or you’ll lose your skills. She then sends another response telling me being a no-show is unfair to the person I’m partnered with. I send another apology and toss my phone onto the ground by the bed, covering my face with my pillow. I scream, the sound muffled by the pillow, and don’t feel any better after doing so.

Eventually I hear the front door unlock. I sit upright, almost having forgotten I told Mell where the spare key is. “Lanie?” I hear him call, and a moment later he pokes his head into the room and grins. “Hey, how you holding up?” He asks. He sounds stuffed up.

I’m startled by the state he’s in. I’ve seen him bruised up before from fights but his nose looks… Out of place? There are bruises under his eyes as well. “I’m…fine,” I lie unconvincingly. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Mell says shortly, waving away my concerns with a dismissive hand as he enters the room, “Lost pretty badly tonight. It’s good you weren’t there to see it, it was pathetic.” He sits down at the edge of my bed and sighs a long sigh.

I frown. “That’s okay though, right? Losses happen. You’re great at what you do.” I don’t feel like smiling but try to force a convincing smile to be encouraging for my boyfriend. 

Mell gives me a small smile, leaning back on his elbows now. “Thanks… It just sucks because this guy should’ve been an easy win. He was, last time.” He stares off into space. “Maybe I’m losing my spark,” he says sadly. Then he shakes his head. “Sorry, you don’t need to hear all this right now.”

“It’s okay…” I say uneasily, really wanting to comfort him but unable to due to the depression clouding my own head.

“Hey, can I stay over tonight?” Mell asks with a grin. He looks a little scary grinning like that with his facial injuries. “Our first time having a sleepover was last night. I say we need a do-over.” He chuckles.

I manage a smile. “Sure…” I say hesitantly. I don’t want to interact with people but I feel bad that Mell feels so bad. It feels like I owe him this. It occurs to me that I never put on more clothes than my underwear today, and that I’m practically naked in front of my boyfriend. If I had room for anything besides the gloom that fills me I’d be embarrassed right now. Nobody but Lola has ever seen me with so little clothes on.

“Cool,” Mell says cheerfully. 

There’s a buzzing from the ground as my phone receives a message. Mell looks down, confused. “Why is your phone on the ground?” He asks.

“I put it there,” I respond in a monotone voice with a shrug. “Felt like the place for it to be at the time.”

Mell picks my phone up and hands it to me. I see that it’s a text from Jackke.

11:04 PM Jackke: Sorry if that was weird to ask.

Shit, I’d completely forgotten about xir last text. I frown down at my phone. Mell peeks over my shoulder and hums. “So are you going to meet up with them?” He asks.

“Xem,” I correct him. When he looks confused, I elaborate. “Jackke goes by xe pronouns so instead of ‘them’ it’d be ‘xem’.”

“Oh, okay,” Mell says pensively, nodding. “So are you going to meet up with xem?”

I sigh. “I don’t know…” I say, unsure, “I don’t really have the energy to deal with new people right now, or people in general.”

“I think you should at least text um… Xem back,” Mell advises, “That way you’re not ghosting xem.” 

I nod. “You’re right,” I mumble. 

11:08 PM Lanie: Not weird… I’m just tired. Let me think about it.

I put the phone down after texting Jackke back and lean against Mell. Everything feels so heavy.