Sometimes, the ones who care the most are the ones we push away the hardest, fearing they’ll be the first to leave

The days dragged.

It had been three days since the engine refused to start, three days of restless waiting, and three days of Kennedy cursing under his breath every time he tried to fix it.

We were stuck.

The farm, once a quiet place of uneasy shelter, was beginning to feel like a trap. Supplies were still holding up, but the tension was growing thicker with each passing hour. Even Andy, usually patient, had started pacing in frustration. Sophie tried to keep the peace, but there was only so much she could do when the reality of our situation was pressing down on all of us.

I sat on the porch steps, my fingers gripping the edge of the wood as I watched Kennedy leaning under the truck’s hood. His broad frame blocked most of the view, but the sharp, irritated movements of his arms told me everything I needed to know. It wasn’t working. Again.

A soft sigh escaped me. The sky was dull, overcast, a sheet of pale gray stretching endlessly overhead. The world felt like it had stopped moving, like we were frozen in time while everything else—death, danger, the apocalypse itself—kept going.

Sophie and Andy were inside, talking in hushed voices. I didn’t need to hear the words to know what they were discussing. We need to move soon. But moving wasn’t an option, not without a working vehicle.

Kennedy muttered something in Russian, slamming the hood down with a loud clang. I flinched.

“That sounded bad,” I said.

He exhaled sharply, running a hand through his hair before turning to face me. His jaw was tight, eyes dark with frustration. “It is bad.”

I nodded, dragging my fingers over the splintered wood beneath me. “So… what now?”

Kennedy stared at me for a long moment, then scoffed. “What now? Now, we sit on our asses and wait for a miracle.”

His words were sharp, but his voice was tired. I didn’t take the bait this time. He was just as frustrated as the rest of us.

Footsteps creaked behind me. Sophie stepped out, arms crossed. “We should start thinking of a backup plan,” she said.

Kennedy shot her a look. “You got one?”

She hesitated. That was all the answer he needed.

The silence stretched between us. Somewhere in the distance, a crow cawed, breaking the stillness.

I swallowed. “We can’t stay here forever.”

Kennedy’s gaze flickered to me. His expression was unreadable, but his jaw clenched slightly, like he was thinking something he wasn’t ready to say out loud.

“We won’t,” he muttered.

But the question hung in the air between us. When?

“I’ll find a new vehicle. If I’m lucky enough of course.” He blurted out. Running his right hand between his golden strands in frustration.

“What? Are you crazy, idiot?!” I shot up from the steps, my voice sharper than I intended. “You’re going to go out there alone? With no guarantee you’ll find anything, and God knows how many brain eaters are lurking out there?!”

Kennedy stood still for a moment, wiping off the sweat from his forehead with his shirt, his expression unreadable. Then, without missing a beat, he shrugged, his eyes briefly flickering toward me. “I don’t have much of a choice, do I?”

I was silent for a beat. The weight of his words sank in. We didn’t have much of a choice. The situation wasn’t getting any better here. The food would run out eventually. The car—our only hope—wasn’t going to fix itself. The world outside was dangerous, but we were running out of time to stay hidden.

But the thought of him going out there alone, with the way things were…

“You could get yourself killed.” My voice cracked slightly, a shiver running down my spine. “We all could. We’re not invincible, Kennedy.”

He stared at me, a flicker of something in his eyes before it hardened into that cold, impassive mask I was starting to get used to. “I’ll take my chances.”

I clenched my fists at my sides, frustrated, worried—unable to say what I really wanted. What if he didn’t come back? What if I never got the chance to tell him how… how much his presence—however confusing it was—mattered?

“Wait until tomorrow,” I blurted out, my breath catching in my throat. “Maybe we can try again. The engine might just—”

“No,” he interrupted, voice firm, cutting through my hesitation. “It’s not going to magically work. I’m not waiting around for it to fix itself.”

I could see the stubbornness in his posture, the way his shoulders were squared, ready for whatever was next. I hated how familiar it felt. The stubbornness, the determination. But it wasn’t the time for it, not when I had a million other questions in my head. And I wasn’t sure if I was ready to face the answers.

He turned away, heading toward the barn, likely preparing for the trip.

I stood frozen, my mind racing.

“You’re an idiot,” I muttered under my breath, but he was already too far away to hear.

“No doubt, лисичка”

“But what if you don’t come back? What about us? We have to stick together!”

He paused, his back still to me, before he sighed heavily. “Alright…” His voice was low, almost mocking. “From the beginning, let me start from where we met, right?”

Thump. Thump. Thump.

“For four years I’ve survived pretty good by myself. So I don’t need a brat worrying about me, as well as a brat who probably forgot that I’m a cop, and officer. That’s why I don’t need anyone worrying about me, I’m skilled”

“Even skilled officers, military, people! Die in the end by their recklessness!” I snapped before I could stop myself, my voice sharp. I didn’t notice how a salty drop glided down my cheek until it reached my lips.

Kennedy stiffened, his broad back tensing. But when he turned around, the corner of his lips twitched upward, an amused arc that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Aww, is the kid worrying about me all of a sudden?” He teased, poking my shoulder with his sweaty hands.

“I don’t want to see people I’m close with, end up on the floor, behind me.”

His eyes softened for the briefest moment—just enough to catch me off guard—but then that familiar coldness crept back into them. He rubbed the back of his neck, looking away, his tone more serious this time.

“I’m not going to die, Alisha. Not for a long time.” His voice was quiet, but the confidence there was undeniable. “But if I do, at least I’ll have died doing something worth it. I won’t just sit and wait for the end.”

I swallowed, my throat tight, and the words felt too heavy to say. Kennedy… he was different. He wasn’t like the others. But that’s what scared me the most. The way he was willing to risk everything, always. And I wasn’t sure how much longer I could watch him walk straight into danger.

“Just don’t be stupid out there,” I finally muttered, my voice softer.

He gave me one last glance, a knowing smirk creeping back onto his face. “Stupid’s my middle name, remember?”